It is selfish to consider going to fight in Ukraine when you have children in the UK

[HeartShapedRug]

Ex told me he is seriously considering going to fight in Ukraine. He said it is a moral obligation for him to do so because there are lots of parents in the armed forces and lots of parents of Ukrainian children fighting. He says it would be a selfless thing to do.

He is not Ukrainian, he has no links there at all, his children are British and live here in the UK. He is unemployed - not in the armed forces.

I think it would be selfish for him to put himself into such a dangerous situation needlessly when he has children who need him, and to cut contact with the children for a long period while he was gone.
Two of the children are neurodiverse, and struggle with their relationship with him because of previous lack of continuity. The other two love seeing him and one cries when he comes home because he misses his dad and finds it hard to adjust.

AIBU to say it would be an utterly selfish thing for him to do?

Tell him to go for it and take some nice khaki combats. He'll be back before the sun sets - a clear liability.

In a nutshell! 😂

I think the Ukrainian army has enough on its plate without your loser ex showing up.

I heard a radio interview with an English nurse working on the Ukrainian/Polish border and she said that there was a real problem with people with no skills or idea what they were getting into turning up to “help”. She said it was mostly men with some sort of hero complex who were escaping empty lives or running away from something. She said they just got in the way and caused extra work

She said it was mostly men with some sort of hero complex who were escaping empty lives or running away from something. She said they just got in the way and caused extra work

^This

It is pure distorted grandiosity on his part thinking he is in anyway useful to the Ukrainian struggle. His struggle should be being a decent parent to his children.

He sounds quite unstable to be honest. He will undoubtedly get himself killed.

He’s a twat.

From that article I posted above it's worse than madness to get involved. In fact, it's probably suicide.

No ammo

Illia, a mortarman with the 3017th unit of Ukraine’s National Guard offers a simple explanation for the lack of indirect support fire.

"When we get ammo, we get 10 shells per day, 120 millimeter shells," Illia says. "That's enough for one minute of work.

The mortars themselves date back to the years 1938-1943 and hitting something with them “takes a miracle.” But Ukrainian mortars still manage to hit their targets despite all these challenges, he says."We need ammo, ammo, ammo," Illia adds. "If we keep getting 10 shells, Bakhmut will quickly be surrounded."

The younger Serhiy says the mortar shells are often old and useless, either failing to fly on target or failing to explode.

This is not the case everywhere. Mykola, a mortarman from Odesa Oblast, says that with Soviet ammo dwindling to critical levels, his unit now gets NATO mortar shells, even though their tubes are still from World War II.

But Mykola confirms that they don’t get enough ammo. Mortar shells were more abundant when Ukraine defended the town of Soledar but since the battle moved to Bakhmut itself, there were shortages, he says.

@sunstreaming

Grant Shapps saying that is almost enough to make me want to go.

he can FO.

@HeartShapedRug He's an idiot that would be a liability!!

id just say, yeah sure, great, but YOU get to tell YOUR children why going there on a suicide mission means more to you than they do.

The very last thing ukraine needs are fuckwits like this

If he’s well and healthy enough to go and do that why on earth doesn’t he have a job here?

If he really is serious (I'm sure he's not) nick his passport.

I'm no idea how you would go about that buy if hecwants it enough he'll do it. I guess it is a bit selfish however I don't necessarily think it's wrong to be selfish if that makes sense. He's unemployed and separated. I'd be really surprised if he had a particularly good home life. I'm imagining him in a bedsit or a HMO. Is he ND (diagnosed or not) too? He's not quite fitting in. He doesn't have a great relationship with the children. Im not sure you can force him to feel the same as you do anymore than you can make a gay person straight. You know him. You presumably loved him at some time and you know why you split.
Hes found something he feels passionate about. Sadly it's not you or your children. He may not even get there and if he does, yes, he might get killed but that's what he is. He'll go with or without your blessing.
Who knows he might come home a better man.

Correct.
And mote to the OP, it is also incredibly dangerous and irresponsible behaviour for anyone untrained and with no accountability, to even consider travelling to another country to arm themselves, with the intention of killing others. Having lived in a warzone myself, (as a civilian) I would seriously advise anyone having any thoughts of doing this, to think long and hard. It's dangerous just how many individuals get brainwashed by the media, then want to become untrained militia. Where does it stop. The truth is, it often won't stop.
Militants often get encouraged to get drugged up to the eyeballs to gear themselves up to carry out violent acts. Do you honestly want to deal with the aftermath?

If he wants to get trained, advise him to enrol in the British army and do it legally, under supervision and with some accountability.

Ukraine won't want him, step 2 of joining their foreign unit is:

"Documents required:

· National ID Card;
· International passport;
records of military service and combat experience
· Other documents may be requested by the Embassy."

So his fantasy cod life probably won't cut it, I'd laugh and ignore, his fighting for a revolution nonsense like this idea is just talk, laugh and ignore.

Quite. A random, untrained Brit with no military experience who doesn't (presumably) speak Ukrainian or Russian.

Much use as a chocolate teapot.

I suppose if he does in fact have a previously undisclosed (to me) service record - as he tells the kids he has - he might be of use, but I seriously doubt it.

If he brings it up again I will point out that it's a suicide mission and if not he will return to be viewed as a terrorist by our own government and may end up behind bars.

Although me trying to dissuade his will prob egg him on so not sure it's worth it. However, he did say he'd need my 'support' in taking to the kids about it and I really can't be involved in that in any way which makes it seem like I approve this course of action.

I won't be stealing his passport or anything like that - for me personally I don't give a flying fuck if he wants to go and get himself killed. I only care about the effect on the children if he does try to do this, and since this thread I also care about the fact that he'd likely not be helping at all and in a minor way hindering Ukraine in reality.
The children really do deserve better, but he has never managed to put their needs ahead of his own, so I shouldn't be surprised. I can't help feeling angry that he'd consider doing something that has the potential to seriously damage their mental health for the rest of their lives.

Talking to the kids

That's a good point about language - he doesn't speak any other languages. I'm sure he hasn't considered that fairly major barrier.

Totally selfish to leave 4 dcs and you to do that. What a fg idiot.

As at @Gleeisweird has pointed out anybody will nil military experience experience will be turned away, probably at the Ukraine border.

FWIW there are some Brits and many other nationalities out there serving with/alongside the Ukrainian Armed Forces, all obviously with the required prior experience.

It's obviously tough, grim etc, but have to say the reports I've read that have come coming back don't paint the quite same picture as some of the stuff written upthread...