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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to SIL wedding?

17 replies

Phoebo · 09/03/2023 05:49

SIL left abusive cousin, who I am NC with due to his abuse towards me and my extended family once they separated (basically had kept his psycho personality hidden until then). She is now getting married again and I have been invited to her (small) wedding. I am genuinely really happy for her, do I go or is this disloyal to my cousin who I no longer have (or want) anything to do with? It feel a bit weird, as before all this happened I was very close to my cousin and I feel sorry for him that he's basically ruined his life.

OP posts:
UdoU · 09/03/2023 05:51

I would 100% go to the wedding. Don’t let an abusive cousin ruin your relationship with SIL.

Shoxfordian · 09/03/2023 05:52

Of course you should go; don’t feel sorry for someone who’s chosen to act abusively towards you

Original poster
Phoebo · 09/03/2023 05:53

Thanks, we aren't super close although we bonded after that funnily enough. I know she'd be ok if I explained it to her (sorry not meaning to drip feed)

OP posts:
PotKettel · 09/03/2023 05:57

I think it is lovely that she invited you and yes I’d go. I imagine you will remain friends for a long time as She clearly appreciates your solidarity.

welshpolarbear · 09/03/2023 05:58

Hi op, definitely go and show her how happy you are for her. Your abusive cousin deserves none of your loyalty. Please don't give it another thought.

Enjoy the day Flowers

Zanatdy · 09/03/2023 06:02

Of course you should go. Nice she invited you

custardbear · 09/03/2023 06:02

Yep I'd certainly go to her wedding, enjoy it!

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 09/03/2023 06:05

Is she marrying your brother? Am I being a bit dim. How is she your SIL?

Anyway, that's by the by. Yes, you should definitely go the wedding!

TimeForMeToF1y · 09/03/2023 06:08

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 09/03/2023 06:05

Is she marrying your brother? Am I being a bit dim. How is she your SIL?

Anyway, that's by the by. Yes, you should definitely go the wedding!

I don't understand the SIIL bit either but loyalty to cousins isnt a thing is it, of course you should go

Ponderingwindow · 09/03/2023 06:08

Go. Disloyalty is not an issue in this scenario.

once someone enters your life through marriage to a family member, they are part of your life too. Sometimes marriages end. Unless the new person did something particularly awful to your family member, you aren’t required to cease a relationship which you have formed alongside of that familial link.

Original poster
Phoebo · 09/03/2023 06:11

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 09/03/2023 06:05

Is she marrying your brother? Am I being a bit dim. How is she your SIL?

Anyway, that's by the by. Yes, you should definitely go the wedding!

Married to my cousin, he was like my brother so she was always "SIL"

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 09/03/2023 06:13

Go to her wedding! She is the one who deserves your love and attention on that day.

HJ40 · 09/03/2023 06:17

Thanks for clearing up the SIL bit. Weird not to have explained it in the first place!

Of course you go!

We can't choose our relatives and it's very normal to get on better with people we meet in life.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/03/2023 06:44

I went to wedding of my actual ex SIL as did my DM. We did not feel the least bit disloyal to my DB. She remains like a sister to me. DB just has to suck it up seeing as he left her for the OW.

RampantIvy · 09/03/2023 07:00

You don't owe your cousin any loyalty. I'm glad your SIL has found happiness again. Go to her wedding.

Forensix · 09/03/2023 07:41

So not your SIL but your cousins ex wife that presumably you are still in contact with and get on well with. Of course you should go.

Original poster
Phoebo · 11/03/2023 05:34

Thank you everyone, looks like it's unanimous! I will try to stop feeling guilty about it. Appreciate the comments 🙂

OP posts:
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