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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To back off from a guy who could be leaving the country

2 replies

chillly · 09/03/2023 04:15

Been dating a guy for a couple of months and he's unexpectedly been offered 14 months placement overseas.

The job isn't confirmed but it's looking likely.

I do like him and could see that there is potential for feelings to develop and to have a future with him, but as soon as I found out about the job, I've entirely backed off.

I really don't want to set myself up to get hurt, nor do I want to invest time into something that's a non-starter.

He thinks we shouldn't even be worrying about it, at least until it's confirmed, and then we should look at the timeline of when he'd actually leave and work out if we can make it work long distance.

I'm a bit torn here. I don't have strong feelings for him at this point, so it'd be a shame to walk away, but not heartbreaking.

I can't really engage with him properly knowing there's even potential for him leaving though, it feels like a waste of time and a recipe for heartbreak if he does go.

In the absence of this job offer though, I can definitely see this being a potential long term relationship.

I'm 43 m so it's not like I have my whole life ahead of me to meet someone as lovely as him. I have no issue being single though!

OP posts:
HTruffle · 09/03/2023 06:35

Yes I can see why you’d do that but 14 months isn’t really that long depending on where he’s going, whether you can easily visit, he return for periods etc.?

illiterato · 09/03/2023 06:49

From experience, the issue is that 14 months can become 14 years quite easily. I lived overseas for 13 years- we initially went for two- and there were so many people who were always “leaving at the end of this school year” and had been saying that for 5 years, or just get kept getting extended.

I guess the key thing is, do you want kids?

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