Scratched baby bottles (feeling extremely guilty)

[Ano]

Hello,

I've written before about upgrading into glass bottles when DS was seven months for fear of microplastics. I still haven't overcome my guilt for using plastic bottles, and yesterday I happened to check on the old bottles again. It turns out that the inside of the one we used the most is full of scratches (see image below). We don't have any dishwasher in our tiny rented flat, so we washed them by hand. It turns out that DH washed them with the rough side of the dish sponge, and I was silly enough not to notice the scratches when preparing the milk. We bought one glass bottle before he was born, but I don't even remember why we increasingly used the plastic ones.

Now I've also changed his toys from polyester to cotton or wool and make sure to always buy bio products, but I still feel sick to my stomach thinking that I might have unwittingly given him predisposition to certain illnesses, infertility problems, or what have you (I hope not, but can't shake off the worry). I've been diagnosed with PND, and used to have different irrational fears about DS, but this time the risks feel more real, particularly if I google about plastics.

DS will be 9 months old tomorrow, and he's never been ill so far (crossing fingers), except for a slightly raised temperature after his vaccines. The pediatrician said he's healthy, but I'm worried for a long-term effect. I feel like I've committed a very grave mistake.

AIBU? Can anyone ease my mind about this?
Thank you in advance.

Baby will be fine.

This is one of your irrational fears. What support are you getting with the PND and what sounds like pretty severe anxiety?

Your baby will be absolutely fine.

I wonder if you might need a bit more help for your PND OP?

With the greatest of respect, maybe its worth seeking help to deal with your anxieties before this becomes a bigger issue and takes over your life.

Your baby is very, very, very unlikely to have been harmed in any way. Please stop beating yourself up like this. It's honestly not worth it.

Having a baby can be one of the most anxious times. Have you suffered anxiety in the past? Asking because I have perinatal ocd and you sound similar to how I was. Your baby will be ok. I also have a seven month old and know how stressful it is keeping these little people we love alive

The good thing is that you recognise this might be irrational.

Step away from googling things.

I wish I could give you a hug OP. Baby will be fine and this is your illness talking. My DD ate the teat on her dummy when she was small, and she's now a stroppy, healthy teenager! Are you getting support with your PND?

Hi OP!

Stay away from google firstly, it's a mine of information but also misinformation and it's very easy to spiral into a void of chaos!

I think you need to remove those old plastic bottles from the flat and perhaps speak to someone about your concerns - either DH, another family member or perhaps a medical person? They should be able to put your mind more at rest 😊

Your DS will be fine!

You can't live your life like this.

Have you got support?

I think you're overreacting. You mention you've got PND, I think this is how yours is manifesting. Have a wee read of well researched and referenced articles on the subject such as:

www.nationalgeographic.com/environment/article/microplastics-are-in-our-bodies-how-much-do-they-harm-us

Yeah, you need more help than you're currently getting.

Please try not to worry and don’t beat yourself up about it. Your DS is healthy and happy.
As you mention a diagnosis of PND, it might be good to also mention your anxiety about this to your health professional/ counsellor / health visitor depending on where you are. These days , sometimes, Googling can make us all worried out of proportion to what’s really happening.
Make up with your DH, you are first time parents, learning the ropes. Many babies the world over are fed using these bottles, if you chose to use glass that’s fine too.
He will be fine, honestly.

You sound like you have OCD. I had it post natally in a different way. Go and get help from the GP. There are boards here as well although I’m not sure how busy they are. This isn’t normal.

Please go and see your GP. All the best

I think you need to talk to your health visitor sweetheart. It sounds like you are super anxious about things and obsessing a little. I mean this in the kindest way.

I think you need to separate these things out in your head.

Is there a case for moving away from some plastic use with food to minimize micro-plastic consumption? Yes, maybe. But this is more relevant looking at whole lifetimes and across populations.

Then secondly, given what you've researched, have you caused any harm to yiur baby? The answer here is no. The actual difference that will have been made to your baby's life is somewhere between nothing at all and rhe tiniest amount of negligible. It really is a nothing.

It's is so hard when are suddenly solely responsible for an entire new perfect human being. That desire to do the best by them can be really warped by pnd. The reality is the environment around is us is dotted with low level dangers all the time and you can't account for them. Nor should you, because then your focus would be stolen away from where it's needed: bonding with and enjoying time with your family.

Youre doing a great job, give yourself a break and chat to your gp/health visitor etc about your anxiety.

This is nothing to worry about. My 7yo was bottle fed formula using scratched up hand washed bottles cleaned in a steam steriliser and she’s got the best immune system of anyone I know - she has been at the doctors around 4 times in her whole life, and each time she’s pretty much recovered from whatever ailment in the wait between making the appointment and the actual appointment.

I didn't even know this was a thing.

OP in the gentlest way you need to seek more help because your irrational fears are going to have far more impact on your ds than using some scratched bottles.

My DS is a scientist (chemistry prof) specialising in industrial materials, including plastics. He had absolutely no concerns whatsoever about using plastic bottles or toys for DS. If you have specific questions I can ask him. But I know he had no concerns because I'm a worrier and asked him when DS was little, although it was years ago.

Because it’s not, outside of the more conspiracy, scaremongering sections of the internet.

it sounds like you have a particularly healthy little one if he’s hardly been poorly since birth. I am guessing that the PND is affecting your anxiety about this. I remember how I worried about my first baby and he was a sturdy little thing. I remember a friend telling me how parents treat their 1st as if they’re made of glass and the 2nd as if they are made of rubber (I thought that sounded outrageous and ridiculous!) now I have 2, this makes sense. I’m more relaxed with my daughter, even though DD has always been more susceptible to illnesses and even ended up in hospital for 4 days with childhood wheeze (she’s perfectly healthy now a year on). I guess we worry as a way to feel more in control, but obviously it doesn’t help. My advice would be to not overthink things too much, and try to stay realistic and sensible (easier said than done) but don’t waste this precious time with your tiny one with worry. Like in the Sunscreen Song, ‘Know that worrying is about as much use as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum’. You have to just do your best and that has to be enough. I was sick for my entire pregnancy with my daughter and I fear that may be why she’s not as strong as her brother but that’s how the cookie crumbled, and we have to tolerate all the things that weren’t perfect like we wanted them to be.

Your baby will be fine. You are worrying over nothing.

My three were all formula fed from increasingly scratched plastic bottles that we handwashed (was still a couple of years before I could fit a dishwasher in) and then steam sterilised. No issues at all. They have all now grown into very healthy twenty-somethings.

Many, many thousands of babies all over the world have been fed using plastic bottles, most of them scratched I am sure. You don't hear of any issues. Just wash the bottles and teats out and sterilise them. They are fine.

Oh love, you poor thing, your baby will be fine, this is really nothing to worry about and you really have not made a grave mistake I promise.

I echo what others are saying, you really deserve some more support. It is so natural to worry but you seem to be worrying too much and suffering with the worry. Can you go and see your GP and share your concerns?

Get help, you’re clearly not well, your baby will be fine