His mental health

[Niknak23]

Hi
Ive been seeing a guy for 6 weeks.
I’ve had a failed marriage and a couple of failed relationships due to choosing the wrong kind of man. Having learnt from my past mistakes I choose not to accept shitty behaviour towards me.
having said that this guy I’ve been seeing is just lovely. A lot of effort and communication through the day, lots of compliments etc
there was a wobble about a week in where he went weird on me and the effort stopped and he said he was just going through something mentally which I understood.

then this weekend I went out with my friends and he was going to pick me up and I was going to take us for a meal.
on Friday night he stopped txting me. I msged to ask if everything was ok and the next morning I saw that I’d had a miss call and a txt to say he had had a huge argument with his parents and walked out of the house.
i replied and said I’m so sorry etc…
I didn’t get a reply so tried to call him to make sure all was ok and he declined my call and sent a txt to say I’m not in the right frame of mind at the moment to talk, I need to take it steady for a few weeks

i said i understand but what do you mean by take it steady for a few weeks? Do you not want to see me anymore..it’s fine I just want to know where I stand.
he didn’t answer this and just said I need time. I thought ok he needs to be alone. Doesn’t want to t as ok to anyone etc…
i didn’t hear from him all that day but noticed he was constantly online so was obviously talking to someone it felt like it was just me he didn’t want to talk to.

selfishly I was quite upset that he had pushed me away. I am also suffering with my mental health at the moment as my mum has suspected lung cancer, and I guess I felt hurt cos although I’m going through a tough time at the moment I still prioritised him and tried to do nice things for him and just make sure he knew he was important to me.

i know we deal with things differently and like I said I know I’m being selfish.

a week or so ago (I realise this is really petty also but I felt how I felt) it came to my attention that he was liking lots of random girls pictures on social media. One was Valentine’s Day whilst I was cooking him a special meal.
i personally think it’s inappropriate to do this when you are trying to build a relationship with someone. I wouldn’t do it.
i spoke to him about it and he apologised and said I won’t do it again now I know it upsets you.

that was it and I never mentioned it again.

but after being ignored and pushed away all weekend, I sent a couple of msgs trying to explain that I want to be here for him and it hurts that I’m being pushed away and ignored. He just read the msgs and ignored me.
it came to my attention that he was liking girls pictures again all weekend.
it really hurt me.
i tried to talk to him about it and he won’t even acknowledge it.
he says he wants to be with me and will talk to me when he’s better but I just feel like it’s unfair to expect me to sit at home waiting for him to decide ok now I want to talk to her …I don’t know when that will be.
he’s online constantly and I don’t even get a good morning

it just hurts a bit.

i know I’m being super selfish…but I’m thinking of just ending it because I just feel shit, unimportant to him, not pretty enough as he’s oggling girls on social media knowing I’m upset,

Am I being a dick?

WHAT?

I thought you didn't accept shit from men anymore?

He should have been dumped the very first time he pulled that stunt.
Dump him now, & take this course -
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

As soon as there's any hint of a game or a headfuck, run don't walk in the opposite direction. Definitely don't do what you're doing which is spend all your time and energy agonizing about a man who isn't interested in you.

I'm assuming you're both very young. Not a critisism, I was probably the same but you'll stop taking so much shit as you get older.

Well done op.

You were absolutely right to question his shitty behaviour and you are right to move on. Next time don’t doubt yourself - you’re on the right track.

Don’t accept less than you deserve.

I got exhausted reading his behaviour, run fast and far away

And perhaps do some introspection on why you feel you need to be so "nice" to people who are treating you badly

Having learnt from my past mistakes I choose not to accept shitty behaviour towards me
It sounds like you’ve reflected on past mistakes but still need to practice having zero tolerance of BS, because this man has been shit on and off from week 1

there was a wobble about a week in where he went weird on me and the effort stopped
That would’ve been the time to cut your losses. Remember, the first few weeks/months of a relationship is when they're on their best behaviour and should be doing everything in their power to give a good impression of themselves. He didn't even manage 1 week!

Then this weekend…I didn’t get a reply so tried to call him to make sure all was ok and he declined my call and sent a txt to say I’m not in the right frame of mind at the moment to talk, I need to take it steady for a few weeks
As soon a you get treated like that it’s time to seriously reconsider the relationship, especially such a young one.

he was liking lots of random girls pictures on social media
That should be a dumpable offense on its own

i know I’m being super selfish
You’re not nearly selfish enough. Besides, having decent boundaries isn’t being selfish it’s self-preservation and very sensible

he’s going through something mentally
So what, you’re not his emotional support animal! Dating is supposed to be fun and if it’s not then cut your losses and move on. You’ve only known him 6 weeks, he’s blown hot and cold in all that time. Stop being so kind and putting some almost stranger’s MH above your own. You’re not married or in a LTR, so you shouldn’t feel obliged to support him through whatever life shit he’s going through. I certainly wish my self-esteem had been better and I’d been less kind and understanding when dating as I wasted so much time with waste of space losers like this bloke. Quite frankly, if you're not being treated well, whatever their excuses, move on.

so you're going to trample all over your new boundary of not accepting bad behaviour just in case he's going through something? Even if he is going through something; that still doesn't give him a pass to treat you with disrespect.

Walk away before you dedicate any more time and attention to this man. Don't second guess yourself, you knew this or you wouldn't have asked

The only thing he's 'going through' is his social media to chase women.

RUN!

I live with an actual, formally diagnosed Mental Illness and I manage not to treat people like utter shit. So do plenty of other people.

Too many controlling, feckless, lazy or dishonest men try to justify their shitty behaviour with vague mutterings about "going through something mentally". Most of us are "going through something" a lot of the time actually, that's just life, and sometimes it's hard. That doesn't give you licence to be a dick to people without consequence, or at least it shouldn't.

You have given this man SO many chances already and for what? You've only known him a few weeks, you don't owe him anything.

All this 6 weeks in? Block him, and raise your bar.