I suppose this is more of a what would you do rather than AIBU but just need to get some opinions and perspective!
around a decade ago I was unfortunately stalked by a horribly abusive person in our family. I won't go into too much detail but there was physical and emotional violence involved, as well as behaviour to freak us out, just the typical psycho and stalker behaviours. The police were utterly useless and basically went round for a chat and told them to stop. And told us there wasn't enough evidence etc. Threats were made with graphical and detailed descriptions of how they were going to murder me, but it was via phone call so police said no proof although they did start taking it a bit more seriously after that. We eventually ended up with a panic button which thankfully we never needed to use. Eventually it all stopped.
Now to my problem. I've been left alone for years now, but I dont trust this person not to start shit again. I hope they won't, but they're unpredictable and ive accepted I'll never feel completely safe from them no matter what. We moved and they followed and still live relatively nearby. I can't move across the world to get away from them as I have family to care for and my work and friends are here, so ive accepted this person will always be relatively nearby but for the last 10 years everything has been fine thankfully. Its always in the back of my mind that one day it might start again, and Im naturally more wary of being alone or vulnerable.
But I have horses and keep them on the most amazing yard ever. Massive stables, huge fluffy beds, amazing staff, endless fields and winter turnout. My horses are out all day everyday in Winter. Hot showers and solarium, dressage arena, showjumping arena, XC course, woodland hacking, horse walker. You get the picture! Its brilliant.
But when im at the yard, im very isolated. We all go up at different times and often with work schedules when I go up im on my own. I can bring people with me but not everyday. There are yard owners and workers on the property but its absolutely huge and they are nowhere near the livery bit. It may as well be a different property its so vast and spread apart. It hit me recently that im basically on my own in the pitch black and I felt so vulnerable and frightened suddenly. I'm not scared of the dark or scared of the bogey man, im scared of him deciding to start hassling me again. We have CCTV and I take my dog and keep all the lights on, but im still so isolated and remote
I dont want to move yards- im happy, my horses are happy, and the other yards in the area are even more isolated. And no matter where I go, I'll still always be worried about him. And I also think, why should I have to keep changing my life negatively for this person? I've worked so hard to build my life back up from him and I dont want him to take anything else away from me. And I suppose the horrible reality is if he decides to come for me one day, he's as likely to do it in the middle of Tescos, he won't care. Its one thing if he ruins my life, but my horses are so happy where they are and so am I and I won't let him ruin that for us. But I hate that even 10 years later he's still effecting my life and im so worried one day when im on my own I open a door and he's standing there
But what if he comes back for me one day? Do I just accept I'll always be looking over my shoulder and stay where im happy? He might never decide to start shit with me again, but with someone like I can't guarantee it enough to feel relaxed about it. The tragic case of what happened to Gracie spinks made it all a bit scarier and I suppose im just wondering what other people would do in this situation. Thank you in advance for any information x