Putting dog to sleep - advice please

[TheWendInTheWillows]

We have two old dogs, they’re brothers, I’ll call them Bill and Ben. Bill is in poor health and we’re having to think about putting him to sleep. We’ve found a vet who will come to the house, which is a huge relief - he hates going to the surgery and gets so stressed and I’d hate that to be the last feeling he has.

But we’re really stuck about what to do with Ben. I don’t think he needs to be in the room while Bill is being put to sleep but do we let him see Bill’s body afterwards, so that he knows, however much dogs can know, that Bill is no longer there. Or do we remove Bill’s body without Ben seeing him and just carry on without Bill there.

I know I’m anthropomorphising and I’m trying to stay away from human concepts like closure and grief but the dogs are littermates so have never known any life without each other and I’d just like to handle this is best I can so any advice would be much appreciated
Many thanks

so, my AIBU:

yabu: do not show Ben Bill’s body
yanbu: let Ben spend a little time with Bill afterward

I let my other dog come back into the room afterwards. She came and sniffed at him and understood that he was gone. The vet had said this was the best thing to do. So sorry for your impending loss ❤️ 🐾

Yanbu

How sad, I'd let my two see the other. I don't think it would be worse to do so.

Oh I am so sorry and how lucky ‘Bill and Ben’ are to have someone who loves them enough to care so much.

Your plan to let Ben see his brother before he goes is the best I feel. When a dog just disappears they look for them and I think they do understand when a dog has died so he is likely to be sad but I think better than constantly waiting for him to come back and wondering where he is.

💐

I’d let him see the body afterwards. There’s no way of telling how much a dog understands, but it’s worth in imo if there’s a chance it’ll help him understand what’s happened

All I can say to you is that on the one occasion we've had a vet to our home to put a pet to sleep, the grieving process seemed a lot easier and quicker for their sibling.

In the past we've had to have pets put to sleep or die at the vets clinic and their siblings have searched for them and wandered round crying.

One was so lost he took to sitting bolt upright next to my head on the pillow every night. Every time I woke up, there he would be, sat quietly staring into space. It was heartbreaking.

I would definitely have the siblings together. I'd want my family there is I was slipping away.

I am sorry you are going through this. I would have someone walk your other dog around the block whilst it is happening, so you can concentrate on the one with with vet, then bring your dog in after it is done to give him the opportunity to know what has happened. There is never a big reaction particularly, but if he knows it will help him to adjust.

Firstly 💖, how old are Bill and Ben? I cannot give guidance either way. There was an elderly lady a few doors down from me,who said she had one dog who was upset,so last time, she let the other dog,see the one who had been PTS, said he just sniffed him and that was that. We always had 2 dogs,had 3 for many years. Had our little toy Phalane PTS a few weeks ago,he would have been 18 last week. I've had the same vet 25 years,I knew they would treat him kindly. We took his bed and blankets,so he would be in them. My DH stayed while one dog she was 18, PTS,he ended up suicidal. I have never stayed. If I had a dog PTS at home, I couldn't stay living there. I hope you get some helpful advice, I just wanted to share sympathy.

We had two dogs and even a year later one of them ran after a dog in the park who looked like the dog who died.

I don’t think there is any harm I letting them see the body and grieve in their own way. They might not grieve in the same way but I can’t see it being a bad thing

I had one horse pts in the field with my other. She just knew. Never came over to see. Just stayed out of the way. I do think it helped her cope after. Not quite the same as dogs but still animals who had lived together a long time. I'd do the same for my 2 dogs when necessary. One thing I will say is my remaining horse aged dramatically in the following months so watch out for that with your dog, especially as they are the same age.

Thank you so much everyone for your advice and kind words. I’ll keep and refer back to it. The boys are twelve year old terriers so potentially a few more years in Ben. I’m worried about him pining so will take extra care and he won’t be left alone at all.
thanks again x

I’m so sorry for your situation. We lost out beautiful boy a little while ago. Just for what it’s worth, I’d always planned to have the vet come to our house but in the end he declined very rapidly and I couldn’t get anyone out. We had to take him into the surgery and it was ok- they sedated him before trying to cannulae him and he gobbled up a LOT of treats before falling asleep. He still died in my arms very peacefully despite not being at home.(I just thought I’d add this in case you do end up going in).

When our cat died at home we did try to show her body to the dog but he refused to look. It was quite strange. However in your situation I’d definitely try.

Wishing you all well, it’s such a painful experience.

I sent our younger dog out for a long walk with son, while they were out, vet came to the house, put down old dog, and we buried her. Good and deep under a big rock, way beyond reach of badgers and foxes; turf back on top. All done and dusted while YD was miles away.

On his return , YD immediately ran straight to the spot and lay there howling. Inconsolable., For the next several weeks he spent hours every day lying by the grave, mourning her.

🥺

Whenever we've had one go at home, we've let the other dogs see.

They do understand what 'dead' is, and I think for them thats generally going to be less stressful than their friend just... vanishing.

We tend to have the other dogs out of the room and occupied doing something nice, the vet does their thing and then they go and sit in their car (if they're taking the body with them)... and we let the other dogs in for a sniff and a few moments to understand whats happened.

Be aware... many dogs will sniff and walk away, seemingly indifferent.

Some may paw at or shove at or even bite...

Some may be frightened.

As long as you're prepared for potentially weird/unusual behaviour and ready to comfort them or distract as necessary, this is all normal and fine.

Then take them out again and let the vet/vet nurse take the body away.

We've never done the transportation to a pet crem ourselves and I wouldn't keep a body here for more than a few minutes afterwards just because I am not comfy with that, but it is also an option of course - better if you have another room where your passed pet can rest, away from the other dogs until you do whatever you're doing.

I've always sorted out a plan in advance and let the vets know in advance (or had a friend let them know if I can't manage that) so that on the day, no decisions need making, just focus on the dogs themselves and make it as easy as possible for everyone.

I had a relatives 2 dogs with me when he went on a holiday. One of the dogs was elderly and had been pretty poorly for a while and it was obvious one night (very early hours of a Sunday) that it was dying.

The other dog stayed in the room while I comforted and nursed the dying one but didn't take much close notice and didn't pine at all afterwards.

It died naturally and peacefully around 5am.

When I had my second old girl PTS, I asked the vet to come to my parents house - both dogs had spent lots of time there and could be buried in the orchard. My parents dog stayed with me whilst my girl was PTS and was so wonderful - just the pressure of her head on my lap whilst her nose rested on her doggie pal as i held my girl for the last time was so comforting. I would let your other dog be there and don't shut him out.

Let him see the body or he’ll be forever waiting for him to come back.

Dogs are not stupid, they know when a pack member is dead in front of them.

This is what happened with my parents dogs.
We treated the grieving dog really well, she had extra snuggles and treats we all had a few tears together
Sending hugs 💐

I showed our then young lab girl the body of our beloved lab boy who’d been put to sleep (he had lymphoma). We were advised to when we came back from the vets. She totally adored him and they were inseparable. She started with a strange foaming vomit after she saw him. The next morning I found her sitting on his grave in the garden (he was buried 5ft down). She really grieved for him for months. I always wonder if we did the right thing but I suspect it’s the same with humans and loss and grief - everyone reacts differently.
Shes now a very old lady and we have a younger lab who adores her - I don’t know what we will do when the time comes.
Thinking of you with Bill and Ben - there is no wrong decision because it will be made with love. You’ve given him a lifetime of love.

One dog we had PTS at home, the other dog didn't see the body but refused to enter that room for the rest of the time we lived there. It was like he could smell the death that happened in there and just refused to go in.

No advice as I haven't had the same experience - but I have had beloved dogs pts and I send my love to you.

Dogs are here to teach us about unconditional love and they're so good at it, aren't they?

I had my 14yr old golden retriever put to sleep at home. I was sat on the floor in front of the settee with her laid on my knee, my other GR was on the settee watching with his head on my shoulder 😪.
When she had gone he jumped down, licked her for a little while then just laid on the rug looking at us both till the vet took her away.
I wouldn't have not wanted him there.

I follow Iain Dale on Twitter. It was from there that I read that it's recommended for the other dog to see their deceased friend. It gives them closure, they know they're not coming back, and don't keep looking for them. I didn't know this when I had my previous dogs, but I will definitely do this with my current rescue dogs; they are very bonded, and I know that one dog in particular will sit by the front door forever if he doesn't know the other isn't coming back. I don't think I will have both dogs in the room when one is PTS, purely in case they associate the vet with their loss. I'm very sorry for your coming loss.

We were in your position with our elderly cats last week. They were from the same litter, about 17 years old. One had kidney failure and was just wasting away and we had to make the heartbreaking decision to have her put down. Like you, we had the vet come to our house, but we shut the other one out while the vet was here and the vet took the body away. We don't have a garden to bury her in. We didn't show her body to our remaining cat and perhaps we should have done. She hasn't been looking for her sister but she has been very clingy and has been crying loudly at night. To be honest we haven't had an unbroken night's sleep since her sister was put down. We thought maybe she was cold, so I have bought her a heated pad to sleep on - it is due to arrive today. I hope that it helps to settle her. Our cats were never allowed upstairs but we have relaxed that now as she just cries all night if we leave her downstairs.
I am so sorry you are having to go through this - my only consolation is that we wouldn't be so upset if we hadn't had so many good years with her.

💐🌈my heart goes to you.
It's very difficult isn't it? I would let them say goodbye then take Ben out of the room.
Animals are far more spiritual than us,they both know Bill is very ill and his time to return to spirit is coming.Animals don't fear it as we do.
Ben will grieve like you will.we got our dog a teddy dog with a heartbeat inside that was quite loud on Amazon and she cuddled up to him for weeks,I think(hope))it helped her in some way.
you may or may not believe,but Bill will be ok where he is going,better than ok.🐾🐾