DH and I have a very strained relationship and he’s been in a stormy mood with me for what feels like weeks. Glaring, not looking at me, not answering if I ask him a question (or a one word answer), snapping at me etc. There’s big argument brewing. He goes in cycles of exploding controlling and telling him what to do. My daughter is 17 and keeps asking me why I married him as she finds him very difficult, self-centred and moody. He’s also not great at allowing people to voice their opinions or any emotions - so although I’m not perfect by any stretch, I do think there’s something else going on with DH that is to do with him not me.
But I need to know if I’m being out of order as the below is an example of what I’m learning DH finds controlling:
Middle DS has SN and we take turns to do things one to one with him over the weekend. DH feels it’s always him with DS, so I make sure that isn’t the case.
On saturday I took other DS for a hair cut (I asked him if he wanted DH to take him and he said he’d prefer me because I chat to the hairdresser so he doesn’t need to, which he finds easier - he’s very shy) and then I went to the vet to collect worming tables for the dog etc - so I’d been out of the house for a couple of hours or so by the time I got home. As I walked in the door, I couldn’t see or hear anyone so I called out to middle DS to see if he wanted to do some building together (a construction toy that he loves) as DH had been with him for a while so I could take over. DH calls back from another room ‘we’re doing a puzzle’. Ok I think and start clearing up in the kitchen. DS comes in 5 mins later wanting to do some building with me. So we get down on the floor and start. I then see a whatsapp messsage from DH saying ‘we were doing a puzzle’.
DH then comes in and snaps at me that they were doing a puzzle. I asked DS which he’d rather do and DS says building, so DH then grits his teeth, shakes his head and storms out.
This morning I come downstairs (having done the battle of getting middle DS dressed upstairs before I shower) having eaten breakfast he’s watching something on the computer. DH says he needs to clean his dishes but is then sitting with him while he watches a cartoon of someone cleaning their teeth. Thinking this would be motivating for DS to clean his own teeth (my other daily morning battle!) - I say ‘shall I bring your toothbrush over and you can both clean your teeth together?’.
DH doesn’t object so I go and get his toothbrush and go to pass it to him and DH snaps ‘I said I wanted him to do his dishes. I would like a chance of getting out of this room to shower’. So I said that’s ok and turned to walk away to the toothbrush back, which DH then goes to snatch from me. Fed up of him snatching things from me when he gets like this, I asked him to please stop snatching things from me. DH snaps ‘Every Day! EVERY SINGLE DAY!’ and leaves then room.
.......... so long story short - am I being controlling? Should I have insisted DS went back to finish the puzzle with DH and also not brought up about brushing teeth?
I think I’m losing track of reality.