Visitation- does it get easier?

[MissHoneysHappyEnding]

Split about three weeks ago. He see's them on Sunday (11-6) then picks them up from school one day a week. Back living with family and doesn't drive. Takes them to a local cafe bar place after school.
Went to pick them up today and he's drinking a bottle of wine, asked if I wanted a glass, had ordered me food. Had to keep boundaries and decline, saying it wasn't a social event and I was just here to pick up children.
Asked him about his living situation, when he was going to move out of his mums. He said he was going to wait until I moved and then move close to us. I asked about if he has thought about how, financially. My dd looked nervous the whole time, wouldn't eat, and it was just awful. Worse than when we lived together. She was unable to eat, focus on anything, she wouldn't answer my questions or talk to me. Maybe I should have left the questions to another time but he brought it up, and we have just found out that we've sold our house.
I don't want my kids to only see their dad in a pub. Is there a short term solution? I don't particularly want him in the house, and I don't think he would like that either.

Poor kid. Any discussion like that really shouldn't happen in front of kids.

This. You have separate discussions re finances and logistics.

@LarryStylinson I know. I really regretted it but I so rarely get to speak to him and it just came out. Mostly out of frustration due to him boasting about buying five bottles of wine in the pub last week (when I had £7 in my account.)

No wonder your daughter was uncomfortable, not a nice conversation to have in front of her.

Also, what’s the problem with him living with his mum? Is there a reason you want him to move out? affordability wise he would be better off with his mum and visitation can happen there for the time being.

So you used your frustration to make your child uncomfortable.

You need to put your child first and foremost in all thoughts and actions, and let your ex's time with your child be that, his time and not yours. Unless tou have any serious worries about his capability of caring for her, but assuming not as that would have been your post, not arguing with your ex in a pub in front of your child.

I’m afraid it was bad timing for your DD, but what’s done is done. He won’t be the first person to drink their way through a break up and he won’t be the last.
Have you sorted maintenance payments? Once that’s running like clockwork (as in a regular, agreed amount on standing order) then his finances are no longer something you can comment on.
Meanwhile, can DD visit him at his mum’s?

Split 3 weeks ago and house already sold? If that's the case once the money is split you will both have a new base each and it will be easier

In the meantime in the week.::
Could he pick up from school and go swimming, get some chips on the way back? Or is the logistics too difficult?

What about an indoor park anything near by?

Or just a park and he could take her some snacks or sandwiches if you would allow it or tea could be sorted afterwards when she's back with you as it's obviously difficult if he doesn't drive to sort dinner and an activity

On the weekends... all you can do is drop to his address and pick up from there and up to him to sort tea and activity's as there's time for public transport.
Other option if he planned an activity say the trampoline park maybe he could get public transport there and you meet him there with DD and he can sort public transport for them both back to his address or to yours?

As for conversations about logistics, money, housing, future etc needs to be done out of earshot of DD

Can he learn to drive soon?

I know it was wrong. There was no raised voices but there was a tension. That's why I asked if it gets easier. It's all still so raw and I'm still angry at him. He isn't changing at all. He's always been lazy. He's just doing the bare minimum.
I am working. I can't pick the DC's up and drop them to him, nor should I have to. He needs to sort it. I've done so much for him over the years.

@MissHoneysHappyEnding I'm sorry people haven't been more supportive - I suppose they are perfect??? Easy to sit in judgement of others.

I don't think it does - 2 years here, and the kids just run out to his car so I don't have to look at him or speak to him. He blanked me and ran away for 6 months, and it turns out I found it easier just to keep up totally no communication, except for through calendar requests to arrange visits (where even though it's only for a few hours once a fortnight, and I really need the break, I'm still missing them by the end of the day and watching the drive waiting for them to come home!), and essential stuff sorting the asset split through the lawyer.

There's no point chatting - no good can come of it, so I don't, and that does help me distance myself and feel a bit better at least.

Far from it @MyopicBunny . Going through a fairly horrendous divorce myself just now. I know how tricky it is and how frustrating it can be.