My 4 year old uses me and you the wrong way around

[Applesandpineapples]

He’s got good speech for the most part, but he seems to get you and me mixed up.

For example he’ll say “Mummy come here I want you to show me something” when he really means he wants to show me something.

Nobody has mentioned it at nursery, but I guess I’m a bit worried (first child and only child at present!)

I wouldn't worry about this. When ds was that age he was entertained when I said, I'm me and you're you. He'd laugh and say, no I'm me and you're you! It's just a bit tricky to get the hang of.

When you say 4, how old exactly? If his speech is otherwise fine I wouldn’t be concerned at his age (I’m a SLT) especially if his understanding is there. For instance I’d you said ‘can you get me a book?’ Would he know what you meant?

my oldest had this quirk where instead of ‘his name is…’ or ‘he’s called…’ she would say ‘his name is called…’ and it persisted for YEARS longer than it should have. But otherwise it was fine.

@TheOriginalEmu
Yes if I ask him to get me something e.g. a book or can you please close the door, he will do it.

He’s 5 in October.

My eldest used to us the word 'you' to refer to himself.

An example of this was when he saw a child in the same coat as him as his said 'same as you' whilst pointing to himself.

We think this was as we often said 'can you go....' 'can you get....' 'are you....' etc and I think for a short period he thought his name was 'you' lol.

He grew out of it and now laughs when we tell him tales of what he used to say.

I'm sure it's just your DC's way of exploring language and I wouldn't worry, just use the sentences correctly around him and he will get it the right way around when he's ready.....you will miss the funny little sayings, I do lol!

I wouldn't be worried if speech is generally good. Is actually quite confusing as you say you and he's supposed to say me!

Ask nursery - expect they'll tell you it happens but if it is unusual they'll advise.

This can be a sign of autism - I would keep an eye out for other traits. My ASC DS is 6 and still does it.

My daughter says “do I/you” instead of “don’t I/you.”, “will I/you” instead of “won’t I/you”. For example, “i like this song, do I mummy?” “You will have to go shopping mummy, will you?”.

She’s 6, nearly 7. Otherwise good speech. I wouldn’t worry.

Ds7 also likely autistic used to confuse his pronouns like this. His speech and communication always seemed good but looking back he acquired his language in a certain way - when he was 2-3 he would say things like “shall mummy give you a cuddle” if he wanted me to give him a cuddle, or “daddy’s gone to get my milk” if he wanted daddy to get his milk. I think it shows the differences in communication, although very subtle.

I’ve particularly noticed it with my younger DC who was slightly later to talk but seemed to acquire his language in words rather than chunks/statements and who’s never confused pronouns.

@freespirit333

Can I ask what other traits your DS had/has?

@Vinvertebrate

Can I ask what other traits your DS has?

I suspected my DD was different when he started pre school and had a few odd comments about not listening and defiance. This had never been an issue at private nursery but I think in a setting with more children/fewer adults and more of a structure, it showed a lot more. This trend has continued, I didn’t worry too much while he was in reception as his teacher seemed to think it was an age thing that he couldn’t concentrate on the mat, but answering back, messing around, cheekiness etc continued into year 1. Better now with good handling from his Y2 teacher.

When he was little the signs were very subtle. Slight sensory issues age 2-3, things like hand dryers and loud blenders would have him covering his ears. Preferred playing 1-2-1 or alone at pre school. Lots of noise - talking, singing, train or car sound effects.

He’s always slept well, eaten well. Doesn’t have big meltdowns. We know he is neurodivergent, we think he definitely has ADHD and may well also have ASD.

*DS, not DD.

I have a 4yr old (5 in sept) with a lisp so already some SALT input, who consistently confuses "my & I". She will say "my is thirsty", "my want to go to the park", "my had a good day". I tried to teach her "I", but she can’t differentiate when she should use that instead and now says "I name is X" (instead of 'my name is') or 'I best friend is..' etc. it's utterly baffling and so frustrating, but our SALT worker said it's still within the realms of developmentally normal and not to worry, just to model the correct one after etc

I read once that when a child makes a language mistake, they're demonstrating how much they know rather than how little. They've got most of it right but are using the wrong rule for you/me

When you are with them 1:1 I think it's possibly just because of the way WE talk to them, I think because we say 'can you/will you/would you/' etc all day, they associate 'you' with themselves, thinking you only refers to them.

though going to nursery should have changed that.

Its common for that age. I really wouldn't worry about it. I used to find it cute.

It’s developmentally normal at 4. I also have ASD kids, but this on it’s own isn’t a worry.

Daughter does the same: "Mummy I want to pick you up" (when she means mummy can you pick ME up)

My daughter is 3 (almost 4). Have a few sensory issues - hates loud noises. When I have the blender on she says "too loud mama" and covers her ears. Also does the same when her younger sister has a meltdown. Should I be concerned?
No other symptoms

My oldest was born the same month.

She told me yesterday she is going to shoot herself

It transpired that she meant launch herself on me for a cuddle.

I was a bit nonplussed before we clarified that 😂

My child did that! He always said “That’s yours!” To mean “that’s mine”

I found it impossible to correct but one day at school sorted it out 🤷‍♀️

My DD, who is now 28, did exactly this when she was around 3, for the best part of a year IIRC. She would say things like “you want some chocolate” or “you don’t want to do that” when she meant “I”. I used to try to explain it to staff at playgroup etc, but most of them struggled to deal with it and she would get very frustrated by them responding to what she’d said rather than what she’d meant.

At some point she just stopped doing it. She does have dyslexia, but mildly enough that it wasn’t diagnosed until uni. And in every other respect her verbal and written communication has always been excellent.

So don’t worry!

My 3yo says “he” instead of “she” all the time. He also says “it’s pisappeared”. He used to say “Susan” instead of “seven”. He says “thank” instead of “thanks”. He says “I didded it” but only when asked if he’s done something, not when he’s happy and yells “I DID ITTTT”.

It’s pretty normal I think.

My son used to repeatedly confuse third person pronouns - e.g. "Emily was going to she's Nana's house" or "Marley said she's head hurt" etc. He grew out of it at about 5 but I really don't know at what age you should start to take things further with GP etc - i think if it had gone on much longer than that then I would have.

My son is a year older than yours exactly. He still has some immature speech patterns. I wouldn't worry too much, but would repeat back to him, modeling correctly. So if he says 'mummy I want me to read you a book', you could reply 'ok DS. I will read you a book'. Try and do this every time if you can, so not correcting him, just modelling with your own sentence.

My son has lots of past tense verbs he's still muddling up. One that seems to really persist is "toked" for took/ taken. "I toked this book to school". "Mummy did you toked my toys upstairs". He'll get it eventually. My daughter at the same age didn't have any past tense verbs at all and added 'did' into all her past tense sentences "I did catch the ball" "I did drink my drink" "I did eat a biscuit". It eventually changed. They are still developing and learning so much at this age!