Choosing not to try to have children as you can't give them a good life?

[LetItAllGoNow]

I feel this is the reality of my situation now. I could possibly throw everything i've got and keep fingers crossed and might end up with a baby. But equally, it could be a medical disaster (I have complex chronic illness) and then the child could be stuck with me being very ill/ disabled.

Also, the baby would not have grandparents or cousins to play with etc.

It all feels like grief because this is kind of it? Having to let go of the idea of being a parent?

But I can't give them a reasonable shot at a good life so that's that. Is anyone else in a similar boat?

What sort of medical disaster, how is your health now and what is the prognosis for the medium term? Do you have a husband to help you?

I'm sorry to hear of your story. I'm not in the same boat as I have a daughter who is 4.

I am a single parent. Her dad is pretty useless and life is quite stressful. I do feel guilty as she doesbdoesn't have the family life other kids have.

But aside from all that, I am so utterly depressed with the state of the world that I don't think I would choose to have a child and bring them into this world. I do sometimes wish that I was childless so I'd have no worry for when the time comes that I am gone.

If I'd been more self-aware in 1981, I wouldn't have had my dd. I wanted a baby more than anything but didn't take into account that I wouldn't be able to be the mother she needed. I have to live with the consequences of that now. She's good and kind to me, but she is damaged and I could have spared her suffering by not getting pregnant in the first place. It's an act of love to spare your child from suffering.

We've talked about this and she says she's never thought she'd have been better off not being born, though.

A dear friend of mine has actively chosen not to give her daughter a sibling because her and her partner do not earn very much (care worker and tradesman) and a second child would push them into poverty. I know, from conversations with them, that they both would love a second child and they have made this decision with great sadness.

I think you're making the responsible choice op.

So do I OP. I hope you can make peace with it all.

I think it's the right decision, and true love. Having a child is a selfish act really if you think about it, no matter what your circumstances

That's a very painful realisation to have and then decision to come to.

It makes you an amazing person though, to put the potential child you long for first.

Please seek support x

Very wise. I have two, and whilst they are the best thing to happen to me, life is very very hard, as per another pp I am a struggling single parent, and we have no extra family. I am depressed about the state of the world, and their future. I'd not bring a child into the world again.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing, as sad and painful for you as it is. It's a shame more people aren't as thoughtful and responsible when considering whether to have a child.

I obviously don't know the ins and outs of your situation but that is such an insightful, brave and selfless decision op. Be proud of yourself.

I agree.

We need to change the paradigm. Not everyone can, should or would be happy having children. it's quite possible to lead a fulfilling and productive childfree life, especially if the alternative means bringing a new human being (not a baby, not a child, but a human whose upbringing will have ramifications for 70-100 yaers) into sub-optimal circumstances.

With the state of the world right now I think you’ve made a wise decision.

Yes it's very possible to have a great life childfree, there's plenty of people out there doing just that, I know.

But I always thought I'd have kids. I feel like nothing now. What's the point in anything.

My (wonderful, supportive) partner isn't in the same boat as me because of my (lovely) stepchildren. They are delightful kids but of course, I am not their mum.

I feel very isolated at the moment.