My Ex(father of my children’s) fling

[Confusedmummytotwo]

So I’m slightly confused with my feelings so hoping you guys can help. So as to not drip feed- ex and I was together for nearly 10 years and had two kids, with a miscarriage before them.

Ex is a fair bit older and we obviously both lived lives before we got together, which was and always will be fine. After 18 months of being together he was still getting messages from his ex-fling(not really sure what to call her) he always told me and showed me as we didn’t have secrets, she was married, was at the time they had been ‘together’ too. We had had a miscarriage and i was pregnant again, when a message came through to him, from her, literally saying “f**k me”. My hormones were all over the place and I went mental at her. She calmed it down for a while but still tried every now and again.

We’ve been split up over a year now, get along really well as we work together for the children, he supports me with my family and vice versa.

It came to light about 6 months ago that he was ‘seeing’ her again, she’s still married to the same man etc. We had a good chat, I told him he was definitely worth more than being with her etc and he promised that she would never have anything to do with our children. But she keeps commenting on his posts on Facebook, which include our kids and it’s sending me over the edge. His comment yesterday was that he can’t stop her, I explained how he can hide the posts which include our children from her, but he’s technologically inept and doubt he will do it going forwards. I know I can’t control who he’s with and I wouldn’t want to, even though I know he can do better than being a bit on the side for her as he’s a brilliant guy and dad, I just don’t want her seeing anything of our children, even on social media. AIBU?

Not to be harsh but you had a relationship with a man who had willingly been in a fling with her in the past even though she was married, in my opinion he’s almost as bad as her if he knew.

He then allowed that contact to continue through your relationship, although he showed you, he could have blocked her number, blocked her on Facebook etc but he didn’t. He kept the lines of communication open which to me is a massive red flag and disrespectful to you.

So it shouldn’t really be a surprise that they’re back together again and unfortunately there isn’t really much you can do to stop her commenting on the social posts that include your children. It sounds like both your ex and her are not very respectful or classy so I’d just ignore it and rise above it.

I’m not totally sure but I think if you block her then you won’t see her comments on your ex’s posts, that might help you ignore her existence.

YABVU. Nevermind seeing photos of your kids, she could be around them if he wanted her to be and you’d have no say in it.

No matter how much you hate her, you don’t get to decide how much she has to do with your ex and in turn, your children when they’re with him. All that’s probably going to happen is him choosing to only telling you what you want to hear, which is she’s out of his life.

In the meantime if seeing her pop up on his social media pissing you off this much either block her or delete him so you can’t see it. Or both.

Don't put stuff about your kids on social media, it's pretty easy. Alternatively, take him off or click Friends except and remove his access.

YABU he is your ex. He can have whatever relationships he wants, even crap ones. He can do whatever he likes with his social media. It's none of your business. Block her so you don't have to see her comments.

Simple - stop following him on social media. Whoever he does or doesn’t have a relationship with is none of his business. If he didn’t have a clean break when you were married he ain’t going to stop now

YABU. You need to move on.

Sadly, I agree with everyone else. This is on you to block her, but I expect you won't want to do that (I wouldn't either, too nosy!)

I get it's irritating having her 'in your face' (but is IS within your control via blocking her).

why does it bother you so much that she sees/likes photos of your & his kids??

another question? as you seem to think so much of him, why did you split up?

Of course he can block her. You can't make him to do it.

Are you seeing anyone new yet ?

You are kidding yourself. This man isn’t naive. Within 18 months of being in a relationship you were already pregnant for the second time. He was knowingly shagging a married woman and continued to allow her to contact him even when with you because he gets off on it. Frankly he has got you to have his kids but he seems determined to continue a relationship with this woman. He isn’t a catch.

I thought I probably was. It’s just because of who she is that it winds me up so much, as she really tried to screw our relationship up at the time.

Eventually the age difference got the better of us, we were at different stages of life. The relationship had many ups and downs like they all do and we very much grew apart. It wasn’t easy to split and have the friendship we have for the kids and I suppose if I really think about it, I don’t really want her screwing that up for our children and that’s probably why it bothers me so much.

I am, very casually, not anything that will go anywhere eg meeting the kids etc. I suppose it’s just another one of those that will come with time and I’ve just got to deal with. Always hoped it would be someone nicer than her though.

On the brightside, it probably annoys the life out of her that you and your ex have children together and appear to have a good ongoing co-parenting relationship.

He has probably kept shagging her the duration of your relationship. He is only letting you know now to get a rise out of you. Keep it totally the the children.