Does he still have feelings ???

[justtoodifficult]

I work with a very close friend.
Years ago ... perhaps six, my marriage was falling apart and I felt that we were getting closer .. confiding , seeking each other out at work etc , so I shut it down. He was hurt and said it felt like a break up even though we never acknowledged any other feelings rather than close friendship.
We did have many nights out and one night au did give him a peck on the lips.
I immediately regretted it and never spoke of it again. He alluded to it but saying it was his dream come true.
He is ten years younger than me .

My husband was having an affair all during this time.
I didn't know. It makes sense now why we got so close as my marriage was a lonely and cold place .
My friend met a woman soon after. It was a slow burn but they seem happy now. They live together but has expressed that he has no plans of further commitment eg marriage or babies.
I am coming out of a hellhole after my marriage breaking down and all that goes with that as my kids are not in a great place for various reasons.
We were out a fortnight ago... all the office.
We spent the night really only in each other's company.
As the night went on, he was putting his arm around me, hugging me and literally standing beside me for the night to the point that I decided to move away now and again and chat to others.
He walked me back to my hotel with his arms around my shoulder.
I instinctively put my arm around his waist but then checked myself and took my arm away swiftly before I realised that our boss was directly behind us looking somewhat surprised.
Back at work today , things are entirely normal between myself and my
Friend but our boss, who is new to the office,is a little awkward.
My friend is always demonstrative and affectionate. It will s just who he is .
We haven't had a night out in ages so I'm trying to process this.
So was this inappropriate in your opinion or the behaviour of a very good and very old friend?
In an case, I need to shut this down again if not ok.
Thank you.

Anyone please?
Even for someone to say that they've had this type of friendship where it is affectionate normally and nothing strange.
I feel like I'm second guessing myself today.
Thank you.

No idea. Since how he felt before isn't a secret why don't you just ask him?

He sounds like an opportunist and you sound like a 15 year old in the school disco toilet. Try communicating like an adult.

It wasn't my intention to come across like a teenager.
I am simply trying to protect myself from going through that again with him and respecting that he's in a relationship.
I value the friendship very
Much and would hate to lose it but I'd prefer that rather than a repeat f the awkwardness of those years ago.
Perhaps 🤔 t was just the alcohol and the excitement of socialising after all of us not being out together as an office for years

He probably does have feelings but the question is whether those feelings are strong and mature enough to over-ride his current set-up with his live-in partner. You have to ask him this.

I have to say, though, that he has on at least two occasions tried to move in on you when he knows one or the other of you is in a LTR and quite often blokes like this are quite commitment phobic and just like the buzz of flirting with someone safe in the knowledge that it won't go any further.

If you want it to go somewhere you would both have to make fairly drastic steps (ie he would have to end his live-in relationship) and you work together still. Which is a very fraught situation to be in (and I've done this twice). Work relationships are all or nothing. You're either a proper couple, declared to the world, or you're not. There can be no more serendipitous nights out half snogging etc. It just doesn't work.

I would resolve to lay it on the table and ask him how he feels and whether it has any real potential. If you get a declaration of love then who knows. But I suspect you will get equivocation and pussyfooting and "if only" type comments. In which case I think you need to draw a line under it, create some distance and move on.

I would say his behaviour was inappropriate and if I were his girlfriend and knew about it, I would be very unhappy. He probably does still have feelings for you and it sounds like his feelings before we're very intense. That doesn't really fit with a future in which he is in a relationship, very unfair to his partner.

I think a frank conversation is needed.

I'm really not one for attention seeking or ego boosting.
My life is one big cluster mess at the moment and while I really value him, I don't need any complications .

He has no intention of marrying this lady as he has said that he hopes to keep getting to know her .... they are together four or five years. He has no interest in becoming a parent either. I don't think he has much respect for marriage tbh.
I did think of her last week. I thought about how I'd feel if my exh walked down the road with his arm around a woman's shoulders and randomly hugged this same woman through the evening of drinking and dancing.
I wouldn't be happy.
I've met her once or twice and she took a dislike to me for some reason and was rude to me for no reason.

Maybe she is aware of his feelings for you.

Calling a kiss with you his "dream come true" is a pretty intense statement, so he's either a bit of a player or, if genuine, was very into you. Unless he's 100% over you which it doesn't sound like he is it's not appropriate for him to continue the friendship while he has a partner of 5 years at home.

He said this about the kiss before he met her.

Yes I know, my point was the wording suggests his feelings were strong (or he's an untrustworthy smooth talker)

Alcohol could have made him more affectionate than usual. He probably still fancies you but I would just carry on as friends until you have got over your previous relationship and you feel in a good place and ready to date again. By that point, you may not be into him or he might have broken up with his girlfriend or declared his feelings to you again. I wouldn’t do anything drastic based on some drunken hugs.