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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited

15 replies

Fizzypop66 · 05/03/2023 20:44

So last weekend I looked after my friends DD all day (from earlier to late) while she worked as she had no one else to. It really did put me out my way as I had to drive a fair bit but I was happy to do it as a favour. This Saturday I saw on social media she was out at a soft play with a friend we are both equally close to (we are a friendship group of just us three), we all speak daily on a group chat. Our children are similar ages. AIBU to be a bit miffed that I gave up my Saturday last week to look after her child yet when they went out this weekend she couldn’t even invite me and my DC along too? Or am I being precious?

OP posts:
venusandmars · 05/03/2023 20:50

Maybe a bit precious? Perhaps the other friend asked her on the spur of the moment, perhaps both of them had a longstanding agreement to do something this weekend.

Don't lose your friends over this.

Rainbowgal · 05/03/2023 20:51

I wouldn’t say you’re unreasonable for being upset as your feelings are valid but I wouldn’t overthink this too much.

I’m in a group of 3 and sometimes they meet without me and sometimes I met one of them without the other. Years ago it used to bother me or I would feel guilty for only seeing one of them but actually I do not think there is anything wrong with it. You also never know if it was say a last minute invite or if they just bumped into each other at the soft play - social media tends to make us overthink too.

I also think it was lovely of you to look after her child last Saturday as a favour, but remind yourself you did that for a friend and as a favour and shouldn’t expect anything in return (like an invite to soft play)

Could you message her or the other friend and ask if they were free one day to go soft play with you and your DC?

Zippidydoda · 05/03/2023 20:53

You’re being precious. Maybe the other friend instigated it and she just agreed to meet.

Original poster
Fizzypop66 · 05/03/2023 20:55

I discovered after chatting to them tonight it was organised during the week. The three of us see each other in twos often (though imo any time I’ve saw one of them in the last few months anyway the other has at least been invited). It doesn’t usually bother me but it did a bit today after I looked after her DC last weekend.

OP posts:
Shoppin · 05/03/2023 20:56

Do you do everything together, or do any of the 3 of you ever do anything in 2's?

Shoppin · 05/03/2023 20:57

If it wouldnt normally bother you, and you sometimes meet in 2s anyway, then this shouldn't be bothering you either. Last weekend is irrelevant. If all 3 of you are always invited, then they were unreasonable.

ACynicalDad · 05/03/2023 21:00

Not going to soft play sounds great. I think I might have suffered it for the last time 🥳

Biscuits1011 · 05/03/2023 21:04

I guess it depends if that’s the norm for your group of friends. I’m in a friendship group of 3 and we don’t go out separately, so would be strange for them to go somewhere without me… so yeah depends really

Original poster
Fizzypop66 · 05/03/2023 21:09

The more I’m thinking about it even thought we do sometimes meet in twos every single time I can think of it’s been 2/3 because the third person couldn’t make it. Especially if it’s something for DC.

OP posts:
Abba123 · 05/03/2023 21:21

I think you need to separate the incidents for starters.

Looking after her child was a situation that you created for yourself. It’s on you. Don’t do it again.

As for the softplay, I feel like I’d be miffed that I wasn’t invited because it should have been automatic if you’re a trio.

Again though, the upset you’re feeling is turning raw because you haven’t acknowledged it.

As soon as you saw the post you should have said that you would have come if you’d been invited, not as a tit for tat but as a lonely friend.

Don’t forget that they both didn’t invite you, not just free childcare mum.

Original poster
Fizzypop66 · 05/03/2023 21:24

I supposed it bothered me as I looked after her DC as a friend, not for anything in return but just a favour as a friend. I saw it as the same spirt of friendship would have been a quick invite.

OP posts:
Whatfreshhellisthisss · 05/03/2023 21:49

Yeah that sucks. I would be upset too. However, unless you want to fall out about it and potentially lose them both you might as well forget about it.

LunchBoxTeeth · 05/03/2023 21:56

I think that's a massive cheek, I wouldn't be doing any more huge favours for her. If someone helped me that much, I would be going out of my way to do something really nice in return. I certainly wouldn't be forgetting to invite her out.

If it were me in this situation, I would stop doing favours for her and I'd also stop arranging things with her and wait and see if she organises things with me. You don't want to unwittingly be the friend who is just there because she's useful.

gold22 · 05/03/2023 22:00

How is the third friend with you in the group chat? Does she chat equally (ish) yo you both?

thaisweetchill · 05/03/2023 22:29

Unfortunately this is the problem with 3's. I used to be in one and we'd mostly go out as a 3 but the other 2 used to go out in their own quite often and I was very hurt.

Maybe they didn't do it intentionally but a quick text to see if you're free isn't hard so I'd be annoyed about that. I'd see if it occurs again and then maybe something.

But YANBU to be annoyed.

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