Fed up with husband

[ihavenamechangedagain]

I have name changed as I know I will probably come under fire for this thread and don't want it to be outing.

I literally cannot cope with DH anymore. It feels like he never listens to me and it is exhausting. Tonight is a prime example. Made dinner, loads left, it is something that is easily reheated. Left it on the side to cool down to put it in the fridge and he throws it all in the bin. We aren't rich, in fact the opposite. I was going to have it for lunch tomorrow. I could sort of excuse it if it was a one off but he does this ALL THE TIME. Even though I have told him over and over again.

Silly things like he wears his shoes on the carpet. It isn't him that has to get on his hands and knees and clean it with the carpet machine. It's me, as it doesn't bother him if it gets stained or dirty.

I could go on and on but there is no point. He is kind and thoughtful and a great dad but I had nagging and micromanaging and it is honestly absolutely exhausting.

I feel your pain ❤️
Not sure what constructive to say, how do you teach people these things as it’s because they’re not present and their mind is elsewhere?

In

He's not kind and thoughtful at all though, so why are you saying he is?

Sorry, in what way is he "thoughtful" if he doesn't listen and completely ignores what you say? TBF you sound a bit OTT about the carpet but I don't really care about that sort of thing. If you are v pernickerty about absolutely everything, he's on a hiding to nothing, but the throwing away food is definitely annoying.

How is that kind and thoughtful? It's anything but.

None of that behaviour is kind or thoughtful; it’s the opposite

Not wanting outdoor shoes on carpet isn’t OTT or pernickerty. It’s basic hygiene.

OP he sounds exhausting. Why is it your job to clean his stains off the carpet? I assume because otherwise it’s just another thing for you to have to ask him to do because otherwise he won’t.

The mental load is exhausting and you’re definitely not alone. This is most male/female relationships sadly.

Sorry, I suppose what I mean is he can be kind and thoughtful in other ways. Which makes it all the more frustrating.

One of these threads every day. Will anyone still be married by the end of the year?

As above these examples are not examples of him being kind and thoughtful. Are there other examples where he is. Is he actually kind and thoughtful?

What does he say when you mention this? Explain how you find it exhausting having to manage him and having to repeat yourself and how it makes you feel. What’s his response?

@CowboyHat unless you've got young children crawling round the floor, brand new light coloured carpets and / or properly muddy shoes, I don't have an issue with shoes indoors. But I'm always on the "wrong" end of the germphobes threads on here. Some of my standards would have some posters run screaming, but in over a decade we've only ever had one proper stomach upset and that was a viral thing. Anyway, not to derail...as you were 🙂

"OTT" and "pernickety" 🤣🤣🤣 Hardly.

Well he doesn't get any evening meal tomorrow. The money that you would have spent on his tea/dinner had to be used for your replacement lunch as he threw all that good food away.

Do this, and explain very clearly and calmly why it's happening, EVERY single time he throws food away.

Bet he learns fast when he is either hungry or has to go buy his own meal.

I know!

Why does he throw it away? If he 'forgets' I would put a note next to it and see what happens...(or does he think the food will go bad?)
Are these the only issues or are there in fact more?

Have you got a patio?

Patio the bastard

It isn't him that has to get on his hands and knees and clean it with the carpet machine. It's me

Here's your problem. Why the fuck is it up to you to clean the carpet that he made dirty? It's not up to you at all.

Oh I hear you, my husband just has to LAUNCH any rubbish at the bin rather than put it in, this includes horrible tissues, resulting in a scattering of stuff in the vacinity of every bin. He doesn't do the bins or pick up the detritus he causes.... he knows I hate it and I visibly tense when I know he is going to do it but has carried on for 43 years.Also dirty clothes are left NEAR the laundry bin, never in it, I count it as a result if an item has almost made it and is draped over the side...
He could not give a monkeys but it hurts my brain 😟

And yes, I know, why am I picking up his crap..... because he would never do it/ see it as a problem and the pile would grow and grow and I can't stand it 🤬

I would lose it over the food waste. What an idiot.

What does he say when you ask him why he doesn't listen to you?

Whats his plan for food for tomorrow now?

What do you do when he does that stuff?

My DH started making a habit of eating all of our crisps and making a token gesture to go to the shop at night when I fancied them and they were gone. I used to just say no dont worry and seethe and then I started saying yeah actually, I do want you to go and get me some.

So when he fucks up the carpet why arent you telling him he needs to tidy up or sort you a replacement meal?

Then stop enabling this shit by doing the laundry.

Anything not in the washing basket don't get washed here.

I have a lovely dh, he’s laidback, calm, helpful and a lovely chap but I will say that he just does not listen. He will get something in his mind, do it with no discussion beforehand and it ends in cross words and consternation. I don’t know what to suggest as this had been going on for over thirty years. I always weigh up the positives because I really couldn’t ask for anyone better for the most part. I’ve had to accept that he’s inherited a really persistent stubborn streak and no matter how I try to discuss, it never changes. You are right when you say it’s exhausting because it really is. I think with food I would write a sign saying ‘ (dh name) do not throw away, it’s my lunch tomorrow’ and see if that works. I do feel for you.