AIBU To think I should have raised this with the nursery (ds claimed he was hit)

[Strawberryfieldforever]

Ds who is 4.5 now had to change nurseries about 9 months ago because according to him he was slapped on the arm by this newly hired member of staff. He was well settled in that nursery and really liked it but as many other places the staff turn over was really high and new people kept on coming and there was simply not enough members of the 'old team' left to train newly hired staff.
At times I would come and pick him up and new staff wouldnt even know which one was my son.

This nursery was recommended to me by my work colleagues so I had very high expectations. However, on that particular day I was late leaving work so picked him up right before the closing time. I could see this new member of staff looking pretty distressed and talking to my son. She claimed he was being really badly behaved that whole day for some reason but didnt really say anything else. He later came down with a bad cold so it might have been that.

The troubling part that the same evening he started telling me how he didn't want to go back to this nursery and wanted to go to a different one with 'kind teachers' instead. He then proceeded to show me how this member of staff apparently hit him on his arm. I would casually ask him to repeat the story a few times over the course of few days and he would always re tell it in the same order saying that this member of staff was really red and angry stumped foot and then slapped him on his right arm. I did believe him as he doesn't make things up out of nowhere and he was never hit before and took him out of the nursery. He now really loves his new place.

However, after mentioning it to one of my colleagues who used this nursery for both of her children she said that it was a highly reputed nursery and my son probably was making things up just like all kids . I decided that it was really my sons word against the nursery and just quietly took him out without making a fuss. Another colleague said a similar thing and said this nursery was a fantastic place and her dd was in exactly the same group as ds at the time. I felt like there was no point bringing it up as even my collegues didn't blink an eye.

AIBU To feel guilty now for not doing enough about it?

I mean he could be making it up. But with a welt and the fact he was so upset it’s also likely he wasn’t.

If you want to do something about it now you can do. 9 months isn’t that long and it’s quite normal to want to do so.

I'm a bit confused - he has now twice said that nursery staff have hit him? First time you moved him, and this is the second time?

What welt? I have read it twice and can't see mention of a welt/mark?

You are an adult and a parent so I do think YWBU not to atleast mention it to the nursery because your friends think your child is a liar. You can’t ignore safeguarding concerns for your child because of what other people say or think. He might be lying, he might not, but you believe him so why by swayed by people who don’t give a crap and were probably trying to just reassure you?

Twice?

I didn't ignore anything I removed him from this nursery. It was a newly hired member of staff who was left on her own without supervision. So ultimately there was no one else to tell me what had happened.

Hi OP. I would raise it with the nursery. I know your son has already left, but this could happen again with a different child.

Well not doing enough about it then. They may have cctv, another staff member may have had concerns already, they may have wanted to investigate it themselves especially if they did have a good reputation. Doing nothing means she may have been left free to smack another child. He spoke up and then didn’t get to go back to his nursery again.

I think you perhaps should have raised it at the time but I am not sure what you hope to achieve by taking it up with them now, 9 months on.
I think you are probably feeling guilty that you didn't advocate for your child at the time or that you are second guessing yourself because someone else has told you that your child was probably making it up because 'its a good nursery'.
You know your own child and the fact that they have been very happy at the new nursery with no instances of 'unkind' staff or reports of being slapped speaks volumes in my opinion.
Just because other people had different experiences to you doesn't mean it didn't happen to your child.
I think you did the right thing and you shouldn't give it another thought.

She was probably looking distressed because she thought she would get caught.

Presumably you have no evidence (i.e. photos of marks on arms) or bruising. It seems too late to raise it now; I would move on

I think you should have raised it with nursery at the time. They would always have started by asking for the member of staff's side of the story too, but that is just good practice and it doesn't mean they wouldn't have listened to you.

However don't beat yourself up for not having pressed your colleagues more. You told them; job done.