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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horrible, cheating Ex and OW invited to wedding?

26 replies

BuddingTulip · 05/03/2023 13:55

Relative recently had her 2nd marriage.

AIBU to think it’s a bit odd to have your ex husband and OW at your 2nd wedding who:

Cheated on you for 3 years behind your back then left as soon as he was found out (receipts in pocket needing to be dry cleaned), taking holidays abroad with OW during that time disguised an business while saying he had no time to take a family holiday so wife and DC never taken anywhere despite being able to afford it.

Put all the assets of your marriage into his parents names including a business so you got no share and were forced into a rundown rented property, leaving the beautiful home you had only recently moved into and had excitedly finished redecorating to your standard as your ‘forever’ home, also had to take a menial job while ex and OW lived a millionaire lifestyle, as well as working nights to support family before ex’s business took off.

Emotionally abused you by comparing you to a fat pig during your marriage, constantly belittling and laughing at you, painting you as crazy.

Noe this did happen 20 years ago, so lots of water under the bridge, yes but ex wife is having to rent a property owned by cheating ex and OW as she was shafted out of any money from
their 22 year marriage. Cheating ex makes jokes on SM about increasing her rent now she’s got remarried as her new DH has been added to tenancy!

I get that it’s ‘healthy’ to move on, forgive and be amicable when co parenting for DC (not that he ever patented while they were married and DC all in 30’s now) but I don’t think this is healthy as at all! OW even made the wedding cake for the woman who’s life she destroyed!

AIBU to think ex husband is still controlling his ex wife and her self esteem is on the floor?

Obviously ex bastard H and OW would attend their DC weddings but this was HERS!

Her parents were also chatting away with the cheating ex husband and OW at wedding which I also was flabbergasted by. If that was my DD I’d had wanted to smash his face in no matter how long had passed.

This is a relative of mine. AIBU to think this is not normal at all?

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 05/03/2023 13:59

Certainly unusual, but I guess it depends on the arrangement, but overall omg 😲

GobbieMaggie · 05/03/2023 14:00

Let's hope she doesn't put you on the same table then !.

Reugny · 05/03/2023 14:02

She isn't you and it's not your wedding.

If you have to talk to them, then talk about the weather and make an excuse of why you need to go somewhere else.

Mumdiva99 · 05/03/2023 14:06

Is it really any of your business?

20 years ago they got divorced.
They have had to co-parent during that time and found a way to do this where they get on.
So well in fact she even rented a property from this man.

Sometimes 2 people are just not meant to be together - and get on after as friends. It happens.

They've moved on. Now you need to....

Dacadactyl · 05/03/2023 14:07

This woman is not letting his cruelty and awful behaviour get to her. She is not revelling in bitterness. She is a better person than me, because I don't think I'd be able to do it.

I'm not sure her self esteem is on the floor. It could be that she has risen above it and honestly doesnt care.

I hope this new man is a better person to her. And I hope his children can see him for who he really is. Out of all of it, I think the jokes about increasing the rent are the worst actually.

Mumdiva99 · 05/03/2023 14:08

Sorry I answer to your aibu

"AIBU to think ex husband is still controlling his ex wife and her self esteem is on the floor?"

It doesn't sound like her self esteem is on the floor. So yes, yabu.

Eyerollcentral · 05/03/2023 14:10

She obviously is happy with someone else. You are very invested in this. She should be commended for modelling a healthy approach to forgiveness to her children.

Starlitestarbright · 05/03/2023 14:13

I see what it has to do with you tbh

Crunchymum · 05/03/2023 14:17

Presumably no-one put a gun to your female relatives head and forced her to invite them?

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 05/03/2023 14:18

None of your business. Butt out.

PicaK · 05/03/2023 14:21

I think that the "facts" that got out when they first split up would have been tainted with anger, upset etc etc. I know that my ex and I really hurt each other and said so to others.
We both recognise that there were signs our marriage was in trouble. It's taken a few years but we've kept the friendship without the romance iyswim.
They've moved on. Things are never black and white. And she's now happy.
I think your take on it is wrong. The chatting relatives show great maturity.
Everyone looks well in this except for you tbh.

InBedBy10 · 05/03/2023 14:22

You don't forgive someone for them, you forgive for yourself.

Your relative could have spent the last 20yrs being bitter and angry about the way she was treated. And she'd have every right to.

Instead she chose to forgive and move on with her life. I get why you feel the way you do. The ex doesn't deserve the kindness your relative has shown him. But your relative does deserve a happy life and she can't have that if she's holding onto bitterness.

user1492757084 · 05/03/2023 14:27

Being able to be in the same room bodes well for the future, with shared grandchildren likely etc. If they are okay then they have built bridges..

MzHz · 05/03/2023 14:32

None of this is any of your business @BuddingTulip why do you get off on gossiping about her like this. Don’t you have your own internal monologue?

CantStopWontStop0 · 05/03/2023 14:33

I'm not even the same person I was 5 years ago let alone 20.

I think it's fine for people to mature and move on from things. Thus YABU.

2023b · 05/03/2023 14:46

Perhaps it was weirder for her to not invite the father of her children? Perhaps she invited him but wasn't fussed whether or not he came. Perhaps it makes her life easier and she's happy in her new life.

Jooliusreezer · 05/03/2023 14:52

Mumdiva99 · 05/03/2023 14:06

Is it really any of your business?

20 years ago they got divorced.
They have had to co-parent during that time and found a way to do this where they get on.
So well in fact she even rented a property from this man.

Sometimes 2 people are just not meant to be together - and get on after as friends. It happens.

They've moved on. Now you need to....

You don’t know who anyone is in this scenario. This sort of reply is so tedious.

GotABeatForYouMama · 05/03/2023 14:54

YABU. 20 years of bitterness and anger is not healthy. If the ExW has no issue with it then why do you?

Cocobutt · 05/03/2023 15:34

If my ex did this I would 100% invite them to my wedding just so they can see how happy I am and how I’m not just sat at home pining for him and the life we had.

LlynTegid · 05/03/2023 15:35

The only good reason I can think of is for the ex-husband to look after their children at the wedding. Or perhaps if they are a musician.

Strange otherwise.

Butchyrestingface · 05/03/2023 15:42

@BuddingTulip

Maybe she intends to poison him at the wedding (is there a purple theme?). Nobody would suspect her because

A). She's the bride

B). She's a lovely forgiving type who bears no malice in her heart, evidenced by her making nicey despite all the wrong he's done her.

Just don't offer to be his wine taster.

SeasonFinale · 05/03/2023 15:44

Do they have children together and have done this to show the children that parents can be friendly even if both have moved on.

Sarain · 05/03/2023 15:46

It sounds like they've both moved on in a really healthy way. Why on earth would you judge? It's really bugger all to do with you. If you're holding onto grudges on behalf of others you need to have a look at yourself really.

ShippingNews · 05/03/2023 15:49

ex wife is having to rent a property owned by cheating ex and OW

If they have been divorced for 20 years, there is no reason why she MUST rent a property belonging to him. She could have rented anywhere . Maybe, like most of your story, this "fact" has been twisted to suit your narrative.

user1465390476 · 05/03/2023 15:52

Maybe it’s her ‘fuck you’ moment and she wants them to see they haven’t destroyed her life?

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