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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to go on holiday with MIL?

29 replies

Incogni2 · 05/03/2023 13:14

Changed name .

So MIL is pleasant enough, a bit bossy at times, but we haven't had any big issues. We have a wedding abroad this year and my DH wanted to bring MIL to babysit whilst we were at wedding. It was going to be a quick visit but it turns out I will now be able to get time off work so could stay longer.

DH wanted to stay on in the area for a bit of a holiday. When he made it clear it was with MIL, I said no, a holiday for that length of time wasn't doable. DH thought it would be nice to spend time there so MIL can spend time with our child and her family is from the area and mentioned it to her before clarifying the situation with me. Seemed she was excited about it, which makes me feel a bit bad to say no.

But I put myself out of the way previously and the situation ended up being far too much for all of us, so refusing to repeat my mistake.

OP posts:
Felicity42 · 05/03/2023 18:20

You need time as a family just the three of you. I'd feel the same as you.
So start the holiday tradition of doing that.

Can you get a local babysitter for the wedding or just take turns with DH to babysit in the hotel, but you get the late night slot free to party with your family.
It just adds such a layer of complications bringing her into the arrangements.

billy1966 · 05/03/2023 19:12

Your husband sounds manipulative.

You see his family multiple times you see your own and yet for the wedding, when you will see them, he messes it up.

I may be a suspicious old woman but I would be wary.

Your husband sounds manipulative and you need to be very careful of him controlling and isolating you from your family.

It happens very slowly but it is what SOME men do.

Him spoiling this wedding for you is a red flag.

I am married 30 years and I still check does he want to go out with friends that have asked, even though he loves them......its called respect with a relationship.

I really hope you push back on this.

Original poster
Incogni2 · 05/03/2023 19:32

crazyaboutcats · 05/03/2023 17:39

As someone who lives overseas with my partner I can see the issue here.

It can be really hard to balance time for both families and for yourselves to have actual hoildays rather then just visiting and hosting family.

Thankfully with my DH this isn't an issue between us, but it has been between myself and my Mum as she would gobble up every day we're in Europe leaving none for us or anyone else, and stay with us for weeks/months on end uninvited with 'full guest status' (hotel service) if I let her.

To prevent this I have to be very firm with her and remind if her of all of the other family members we both have and the need for us to spend time together with privacy as a couple.

Show quote history

This is so true. Since DD was born I spent all my holiday time travelling to see family or inviting family here. I really wanted these extra days to do something I actually wanted to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Incogni2 · 05/03/2023 19:39

ScatmanDave · 05/03/2023 17:25

And it's a big drip feed to say you'll be back to MIL 3 more times this year, and then her with you for Xmas.

I think the responses would have been different, because yes, it's understandable why you'd want to solely spend time with your family this time around, if you've got other occasions in the diary already for MIL.

Sorry, I misunderstood your post. I didn't mean to drip feed wanted to be succinct and just focus on the situation. But you're right that the fact we are spending so much time with her during the year is relevant.

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