Herpes diagnosis and I feel so devasted

[Anonpost789]

I'm not sure what I'm expecting from this post but I have to type it somewhere.

I've recently been diagnosed with herpes simplex type 1 genitally. My ex has left me. We were together for 11yrs have 2 dc and he has on a fair few occasions cheated on me. I haven't been with anyone but him in this time. When the doctor said she thinks it's a first outbreak but she can't say for sure (it was absolutely horrific pain down below I've never experienced before) I asked him if he had been unfaithful again. I may have worded it wrong but I wasn't passive aggressive I don't believe.

He said he can't do this anymore and he couldn't believe I asked him that and I made him feel like he hadn't changed since his past (he last cheated 1.5yrs ago prior to this and my knowledge however I have had my suspicions on one or two female friends) He left the next day. Obviously they can't say for sure when I got it but given my history of gynae issues I'm pretty sure it would have been picked up in the numerous tests I've had prior and I am pretty sure I can pin point when it happened.

It's now been 5.5 months and I just can't believe this has happened I'm devasted that this has happened not only has my family been ruined I now have this stigma for the rest of my life. I just don't know how to feel I've had two other outbreaks since the initial one admittedly no where near as bad at all but I am on suppression therapy I just feel lost.

Sorry its long I just wanted to type it somewhere

It wouldn't have been picked up on your previous gynae tests unless they specifically tested for it and he may have given you the virus ages ago but your only just having an outbreak. You can never really know with herpes, you don't always have an outbreak when transmitted

I hope your ok however OP

Oh he is a bastard. It probably doesn’t feel like it right now while you are in the thick of it but you will be better off without him.

Lots of us have herpes btw. I felt similarly to you when first diagnosed. But honestly, it will not ruin your life (Once you get passed the ingrained stigma). I get about one outbreak a year (it always started with a spacey headachey feeling for me , then the rash appears). If you catch it quickly, the go can give you an antiviral to stop the outbreak in its tracks.

In the end, herpes is just a common skin condition/ virus. You wouldn’t feel this way if it was any other skin condition, would you?

Be kind to yourself. I hope you feel better soon.

So sorry to hear this. Usually when people get type 1 genitally they have one outbreak and it doesn’t recur, although they may still be a carrier.

About 70% of people have herpes type 1 somewhere on their body, and I’d say having it on your face is much worse, but people don’t seem to be bothered about that. Ask yourself why you feel so much worse about it than the people who are happily walking around with visible sores on their faces?

Get some support, there are many myths about this long term condition

herpes.org.uk/

I have had it for 25 years. I had my first outbreak after coming back from Thailand on a girls holiday and was devastated as I thought my partner would leave me. He didn’t as I had been really ill out there and the doctor said that I may have been carrying it for some time but I had the outbreak then because of the other infections I caught. So it isn’t easy to know exactly when you picked it up. I have only had 3 or 4 outbreaks in 25 years. And my partner never caught it or had any at least. That aside, you might be better off without him if he is serial cheat, even if you don’t feel that way now. Take good care of yourself.

you know it is from him. It doesnt matter when. You are better off without him.

When I was first told I had herpes I was devasted felt like my life was over what helped me was knowledge I'd strongly advise you to get yourself filled with every bit of factual Knowledge you can. It's not dirty it doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't define you. You can still have a happy fulfilled life with herpes please believe me and if you have any questions please feel free to message me.