To want to relocate

[Cherryblossoms85]

I'm a bit tipsy on a business trip, so I've decided to take the plunge on asking randoms on the internet about my life choices.
I grew up in Australia and Europe, and as a child travelled a lot. I speak a few different languages. My DH is British, has never lived anywhere else and speaks no other languages. My children live in the same house they came home from the hospital in and also speak no other language.
I'm convinced the UK has nowhere to go and that we're facing a decade of stagnation and failure to attract investment or indeed invest in infrastructure projects that would generate growth (HS2 being a great example of a complete white elephant). I can work anywhere in Europe or for that matter Australia, and I really want to look for other opportunities in Europe. I work in finance and would love to look at moving to Switzerland. I have some contacts and if I'm lucky can find something. Switzerland is close to where my DH likes to pursue his hobbies. I feel like we could build a life we like with a more stable political environment.
But I'm 45, my DH is 48 and the kids are 4,7 and 9. He looks after the kids. I think I already know I'm being unreasonable, but it's so disappointing. When we got married I thought he was up for anything, fearless and full of optimism. But he's none of those things. I applied for a new job a few years ago in Europe after asking him what he'd think and he was keen. Then I got offered the job and he flat out said he wouldn't think of it. I mean I know he's right really, "too much new stuff", the kids would miss their friends etc. But if we don't do it before secondary school, we really can't, and I don't think my job will exist in two year's time. It's all relocating to Europe and America. So I'll stay here and our income will gradually dwindle even if DH goes back to paid work. Aaargh.

Dh applied for a job abroad when I was pregnant. It was a dream job for him (plus he was facing redundancy) so I was enthusiastic as I could be on the surface, worrying about how I'd cope not knowing anyone at all, being a flight away from family underneath. Was relieved when I didn't happen! So I kind of understand where your dh came from when you got offered the job abroad. Had it happened earlier in our relationship, before dc, I'd have leapt at the chance too.

Don't make any rushed/rash decisions, but do have a big deep conversation about it. Was he really never fearless and full of optimism, or has he just lost it along the way? Being the one who's there for the kids and having to think of practicalities can do that.

I don't know. I guess I'm just frustrated by it all, and maybe I feel a bit cheated. I wanted to stay at home, but I earn more so for various reasons this is how it's working out. Maybe I'm just too tired. Spent weeks before this trip batch cooking and freezing everything because he's always saying he's too busy to cook. Anyway beside the point, sort of - he decides something is too hard and therefore it's not happening. But if he wants to go and solo a five pitch route on Tryfan (the consequences of falling off are almost certain death) then that will happen. So I guess I'm fucked off that he's happy to take that kind of risk, but not to look for opportunities that could benefit us and that are reversible if it fucks up, although hard. So that's why I'm fucked off but also being unreasonable.

We packed up and moved in our 40s to a different country. Never looked back

If I was in your situation and could move to Switzerland I would! I have a lot of family in Europe, I know it’s not a bed of roses but for a good quality of life in Switzerland I wouldn’t hesitate to move.

I have lived in three countries including UK and I think all countries will have their issues, I don’t see that the UK is any more or less likely to have issues than any other first world country.

As I say though, I have moved overseas twice and I see the attraction, but I honestly would not fancy moving anywhere that wasn’t English speaking. I didn’t enjoy learning languages at school and it is not what I want to do now. Could that have been his stumbling block before, how would he feel about Australia?

He thought the kids would miss their friends when you got offered the job a few years ago! That's nuts! They were practically infants! His objections were 100% about him.

You mention doing all the batch cooking.

How much does your DH realistically contribute to your lives?

I'm with your husband on this one, sorry. I wouldn't want to relocate to a different country at any age, never mind in my late 49's with 3 kids.

Some people like moving around and living in different countries, some people like staying where they were born. Nothing wrong with either preference, they are just different.

@emptythelitterbox he does an awful lot. Remember if the genders were reversed you wouldn't think to question how much he was doing. The cooking is a hurdle I'm sure we'll manage at some point, I should probably stop printing out meal planners for my batch cooking and sending him links to recipes. I think the problem is kind of me and my childhood. I always thought I'd travel around like my parents did. That's not his fault, I should have known that he meant adventures that involve coming back to the same place.