Possible relationship - bit grumpy

[crochetmonkey74]

Sorry for weird title . I couldn't think how to sum it up. I have a friend who I've known for a while. Over the last few months it's become clear that we have a bit of chemistry and like each other. He is funny, dry and very caring, the type of person who you could call on for help and he would be there. He has a sort of slightly curmudgeonly way about him, stuck in his ways sort of thing. He also can worry about money. He isn't tight in a social situation, he would offer to buy the coffee etc but often if someone suggests something he might say "that might be a bit expensive" His whole family are a bit like this so it's no surprise. His kids are grown up and love him dearly, very well adjusted and he has maintained good amicable relationship with his ex wife. He is a bit of a good egg all round really. Would the money worry thing put you off? Anyone got together with someone like this and how did it go?

My husband is like that with money, it’s not a big thing to be honest. I’m really bad with money so it helps lol just make sure you keep your finances separate. But if he gets grumpy towards you and isn’t much fun anymore get rid.

This is an interesting point @LittleMG
I think I can worry about money too, but am definitely more willing to spend. He isn't scruffy or anything, he has nice clothes etc and travels to see his children and their families. So he doesn't live miserably.

Cannot see what the problem is?
Better to be cautious with money than in debt or a gambler etc

Give him a chance rather than worrying about hypothetical situations that may or may not have any impact on you in the future..

Is it possible that the money question is a concrete way to articulate a more general fear about his underlying temperament? What are his parents like? Do you like them or are they draining?

Careful/thoughtful/prudent - all good.

Miserly/tight/ungenerous - not good.

He sounds like the former so I’d take a chance.

His parents are not alive anymore. I don't really know why I am thinking about it- worrying is a bit too strong.
Being tight with money is really unappealing to me and this feels akin to that. Probably overthinking it a bit and wanting to just chat around the issue

Yeah I have been thinking this. He is incredibly generous in spirit, with his time etc
He is very thoughtful and kind in his words and deeds, maybe careful and prudent is right

If he's careful with money so he can afford holidays, dates, house/car maintenance etc and to occasionally treat loved ones but won't get into debts for stuff then fine.
If he has plenty of money but won't spend on anything he deems expensive on principal then I would find that tedious because you will end up missing out.

I think it depends entirely. If he's the type to wince every time you do something that isn't free, despite it being comfortably within your means, I'd forget it. It puts such a huge downer on things when someone is constantly moaning or commenting on the cost of a ticket or whatever. Makes it impossible to actually enjoy whatever you're doing and you find yourself massively curtailing the experiences that you should be able to have just avoid the predictable whining.

But if it's just a realistic level of financial prudence then that's no bad thing. Much as being saddled with a miser is no fun, neither is being tied to someone who is irresponsible and reckless with their money and threatens your stability. DH and I are very responsible with our finances now but I used to be piss poor at managing my money in my early/mid twenties. He got a grip of his finances far earlier than I did and became very prudent and responsible, and I have him to thank for whipping me into shape too because we now have a much more secure life and future. So it can be a very good thing.

Agree with @Merryoldgoat . Sometimes I could do with dh being a little less frivolous with the cash!
And you've said that he's generous in other ways. Most people I've known who are truly tight financially are also tight in other aspects as well.

Thanks for really sensible and well explained advice. I had a bad break up a couple of years ago, this is the first time I have really liked someone else or felt like I could have another relationship, with my last partner, there were some small red flags I overlooked which eventually became a big problem (he was lazy and passive) so I guess I have just had my fingers burned and am being a little over cautious