To say this can happen at times?

[WhenTheNightFalls]

That you can end up staying in contact with ex colleagues who you didnt get on with at work but can chat with easily on social media but sometimes you lose contact with the ones you were actually quite close to in work especially if they don't have FB or Instagram?
There was a colleague I was meant to meet with but unfortunately I fell asleep and missed her visit. I told her to come back later that week if she wanted but she just liked the message and I have not heard anything since.
My DH thinks it's crazy I stay in touch with colleagues who made my life miserable at work but not her. But in this day and age, social media is the only way of really keeping in touch with ex work colleagues.

You fell asleep and missed seeing a friend and then just said come back last week? Trying to put it nicely and all I can come up with is: How rude are you? But then you chat to people you didn’t like all the time?
you’re hugely unreasonable.

that should have said next week. Even later that week is so massively unreasonable!

You asked her to come back later that week if she wanted.

no. She wanted to see you when you agreed. But you didn’t rate her high enough to stick to your plan. So I don’t think she’ll be back.

you lose contact with people because you can’t be bothered. Don’t blame lack of social media on their part. Take some responsibility

I was very clear she could come back and call me when she wanted. She has chosen not to do so.
The only reason I speak to the other colleagues is that it's easy as I say to chat on social media and also, relations can thaw somewhat when out of the environment. There were also other colleagues I worked with way back in the past who I keep in touch with purely via social media so it isn't like I just keep up contact with the ones I didn't get on with like my DH is implying. Because with some of them, I grew fond of them and enjoy reading their updates. He is just making out that I speak to all my enemies on FB which is not true and it's as I said, with busy lives it's easier to keep up to date in this way.

If you want to keep in touch with people you make the effort ... I have been exchanging Christmas cards with an ex colleague for over 25 years .. we have no SM contact ... yet we arranged a meet up at Christmas just by using old fashioned land line ... it was lovely to get together again.

I think if you fell asleep when she came to visit then the onus is on you to visit her next time.

It sounds like you stay in touch with the people who require the least effort, whether or not you like them. If that works for you it's fine, but there are other ways to live.

To be really honest, friends and/or colleagues who you are close to and who you wish to maintain a relationship with, will be contactable via means other than social media. A lot of relationships that are only really via SM tend to be a bit artificial or surface level I find.

If you've got valuable friendships with people who you used to work with then it's up to both parties to maintain/put the effort into meeting.

If you fell asleep you shouldn't leave it as an "open ended" suggestion like you have, I would've suggested another actual date/time, as "open ended" just suggests you don't really care/you could take it or leave it...on top of the fact you were the one who fell asleep?!

There are a few colleagues in past and present jobs I do not get a long with. I wouldn't be interested in catching up with them outside of work..so im sorry to say I find that a little odd..

No, you and she made plans that she stuck to and you slept though. She hasn’t fucked up here and fallen out of touch, you’ve behaved in a really shitty way.
The rest of it is okay whatever.

You were meant to see someone but fell asleep and missed their visit and just suggested they come back next week? Were you hugely apologetic, absolutely mortified? This is so incredibly rude of you.

I don't make plans or communicate meaningfully with friends - ex colleagues or not - by social media. We text. I might like a photo but no, stayed in actual touch is done by phone like with anyone else.

Very odd

I don't see how it's rude when I said she could visit or call me whenever was best.
I left it open ended so she could decide when was best for her.
What with starting a new job it would have been hard to pin down a specific date to remeet so I left it that she could decide.
I think life is busy and it's nice if you can keep in contact via FB as it's quick and easy. I also think if you can keep up a friendly relationship with ex colleagues in a casual sense then that is also a positive thing. I know FB isn't for everyone but for many, it is the easiest and most straight forward way to stay in touch.

You aren’t getting it, are you?

She made the effort- you fell asleep and left her hanging.

You should be asking when is ok for YOU to visit HER.

You have been rude and thoughtless.

You were really rude. It's on you to make the effort to go to her now!

Didn't you post this recently? There was a near identical post where the poster was repeatedly told YABU in this exact situation.

You knew she was due to visit, but you ‘fell asleep’ then told her to come back later? How bloody rude.

'whenener was best' was when she already visited but you were asleep!! You were rude to miss her and rude not to apologise and rude not to insist on making the effort to go to her

YOU ARRANGED TO SEE HER AND SLEPT THROUGH IT?!?!?! How is that not rude?!?! Why is your time so much more important than hers?

Why should she put the effort in to come back and see you, even if it’s at her convenience, when you didn’t even care enough to be awake last time she made the effort?

Ooofff you’ve been quite rude to her OP, sorry.

I’ve done it and so has my friend (we both worked absolutely brutal nights on the same terrible ward at the time so we both understood!) but you’ve been quite flippant about wasting her time and put the onus on her to reschedule when really it’s you that ought to be doing the arranging/grovelling.

Wow your colleague made the effort to come and see you and because you fell asleep you're expecting her to make the effort again? In her position I'd be upset that you weren't bothered enough to stay awake for me and wouldn't make the effort again - if you gave a shit you would be doing everything you could to come and see me instead.

I'm assuming that she called round at a prearranged date/time initially?
She made the effort to get ready, and travelled to fulfil the arrangement.
You didn't answer the door.
She asked what happened.
You said 'Oh, I was asleep. Come another time if you want.'

Is that what happened?

If so, it sounds like you couldn't give a single fuck. You made no effort whatsoever.
Friendships require effort.
Social media isn't the same thing, is it?

She doesn't have her own space so can't just rock up at hers or go and visit her at home which is why she has to come to me and why I suggested it.
I live near work, a 10 minute walk away, so she visited on her lunch break. I was physically and emotionally exhausted so was still sleeping when she texted. She didn't ring which I wish she had as I would have been woken up. She posted a birthday card and then left. I texted and called afterwards when I woke and realised what had happened so not like I did nothing.
I have also asked her to join Facebook or Instagram and she has not.
As I said with busy lives it's easier to keep in touch that way and the method of how a lot of busy people stay in contact. Even if I comment or like the other ex colleagues posts though it doesn't mean I really like them, it's just what most people do. Not all of us are friendly with every single person on their friends list but it's nice to try and build bridges and stay friendly on a casual basis. Doesn't mean they are suddenly my best friends.

You were rude
Friend kept their side of the agreement & turned up
You were asleep
You make a vague offer and put the onus on her to act & run around a second time after you

I would be extremely pissed off if someone did this to me and wouldn't bother meeting them again

I was exhausted and so needed the sleep. It's one of those things that happen and we have all been in similar situations. I did text and call back and I've already said she doesn't have her own place so can't just go and visit her.
She knows where to find me and the offer has always been that she can visit and call whenever.
As for social media, it's not great for meaningful friendships but a lovely way to keep in touch and as I said, a nice way to ease the tension that came with the job and to get on a more pleasant footing with colleagues that I once had a bit of a fraught relationship with.

I was exhausted and so needed the sleep. It's one of those things that happen and we have all been in similar situations.

I’ve never just not turned up to a pre-arranged meeting, no. If I felt that tired I’d call and reschedule but to just not turn up is so rude. I don’t blame her not replying to you - this isn’t about easier to keep in touch through social media, you were rude and disrespectful of her time.

It’s fine. OP doesn’t think that there’s anything wrong with this.
and that’s it’s easier to keep friendships with those on social media, even those they don’t like very much. That’s the way they are.
even if others disagree.

Friendships only last if you put the effort in. Effort to talk. Effort to meet. Social media (or lack of) doesn’t need to be a barrier to good relationships. That’s just excuses