Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why can’t he be happy for me & supportive?

15 replies

Justablahfeelingallaround · 04/03/2023 19:51

I have a Dd, 4, I was a Sahm after years of work, she started Pre school part time in September and I started working during the times she’s at Pre school.
Ive got weight to lose and saw what I think is a great deal at a local gym in a posh hotel. For €100 a month (we’re abroad) it includes use of the gym, indoor and outdoor pool, spa-sauna, jacuzzi etc and four classes per month-yoga, Pilates…
I have two and a half hours two days per week in between finishing my job and picking up Dd. My plan is to head to the gym there and have a swim and also take Dd at weekends in the pool, it sounded great to me and I was pretty excited as haven’t done anything just for myself since Dd was born (my choice really) and have friends who do padel at the weekends etc-Dd always seems to have clubs or parties or we have family time..in the evenings I’m too tired really, but will try to do one of the evening classes when Dd is in bed.
I was saying it to Dh and he was a bit dismissive, saying how he wishes he could go to the gym and it would have to be at night etc (works full time) I was saying how it would he perfect as I could rush from my job and do it in that time, thereby not missing any time with Dd. He said yeah it sounded perfect, but said in a *Lucky for some type way. I said I don’t do anything for myself anymore, he’s just bought an expensive man toy for his hobby and sees his friends a couple of nights per week, I see friends but always as a play date with Dd.
Just sat feeling pissed off that he compares it to things he does or can’t do and can’t be encouraging and say to go for it and enjoy it. It’s as if there’s a competition between us all the time of who has it easier/harder etc. Yes I work less days/hours but make a good amount, more than him per hour. All my other time when not working is looking after Dd, school drop offs, cooking, food shopping, cleaning, walking the dog etc.

OP posts:
Moonicorn · 04/03/2023 19:54

Hang on, do you work full time? How many hours? Do you contribute 50/50 to house and bills?

JMSA · 04/03/2023 19:56

Oh my goodness, go for it! It will be so good for your overall wellbeing ... and you totally deserve it!
The 'tit for tat' stuff isn't healthy for a relationship though, and I would talk to your partner about nipping it in the bud.

Justablahfeelingallaround · 04/03/2023 19:59

@Moonicorn ? I said I work part time but earn well and more per hour. I can’t work full time as my Dd is in pre school part time at the moment

OP posts:
Justablahfeelingallaround · 04/03/2023 20:00

@JMSA Thank you 🙏I really need to lose a couple of stone and used to love my gym sessions…back in the day

OP posts:
Justablahfeelingallaround · 04/03/2023 20:02

@JMSA I know..I hate it, he does it if I’m ever ill too, he’s ill aswell..it’s so draining

This will be good for Dd too as children can accompany free of charge, so weekends and weekdays not at Pre school I can take her swimming indoors and in summer in the outdoor pool
I just thought it was a great deal and something nice to do

OP posts:
chopc · 04/03/2023 20:02

So what does your DH think you should be doing in the gap between leaving work and picking up DD?

This is an age long arguments between couples - who has it worse

Shinyandnew1 · 04/03/2023 20:05

He probably just wishes he worked part time as well.

Can he join the gym too and then he could go at the weekends with you and DD?

Justablahfeelingallaround · 04/03/2023 20:09

@chopc This is it, what 🤷🏻‍♀️Yet, he finishes work goes for a drink at the beach some days (albeit only one) comes back to his dinner, a walked dog, a cared for Dd, a tidy house etc

OP posts:
Justablahfeelingallaround · 04/03/2023 20:12

I don’t know, it’s weird, I feel like ever since I became a mum and stopped my full time job, I almost have to justify/ask permission to do anything myself…I feel trapped by it

OP posts:
Justablahfeelingallaround · 04/03/2023 20:12

@Shinyandnew1 I said that to him, he sort of thought about it then said he wasn’t really into it

OP posts:
JMSA · 04/03/2023 20:17

Justablahfeelingallaround · 04/03/2023 20:12

I don’t know, it’s weird, I feel like ever since I became a mum and stopped my full time job, I almost have to justify/ask permission to do anything myself…I feel trapped by it

I totally understand that. But fuck me, it's not like you've said you want to start growing weed as a hobby! It's something wholesome that will benefit the whole family (or just you and your daughter, if he continues being stubborn) - and a good deal as you say!
Enjoy Smile

Justablahfeelingallaround · 04/03/2023 20:20

@JMSA 😂Exactly

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 04/03/2023 20:20

Do you have split finances or personal allowance budgeted from shared finances? If so then I don’t really see how he can have a problem with it.

Aiimeee · 04/03/2023 20:23

saying how he wishes he could go to the gym and it would have to be at night.

He said yeah it sounded perfect, but said in a Lucky for some type way.*

I literally don't see what he's done wrong. Said he wishes he could go the gym, said yours sounds perfect (and you have made an assumption of how he meant it).

pictoosh · 04/03/2023 20:36

I think he’s possibly just being morose about his lot in life, working full time and feeling like there’s never time for nice things (even though he does do some).

I work in a school so four and a half days per week and all the holidays off. My dh is definitely envious and is sometimes rubbed up the wrong way when I enthuse about plans for the school holidays including six weeks of summer (yay).

40 hours a week is hard-going for most. It doesn’t leave much time to play with.

Having said that, I don’t make much effort to curb my enthusiasm. He can be a miserable sod so I laugh up my sleeve and do a wee twirl at the thought of the lovely time I’m going to have.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page