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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of worrying about life and money

8 replies

DuckDuckDiva · 04/03/2023 18:45

Lone parent to a 4yo. On 30ishK a year which I always thought was an OK salary. Early 30s. Have worked out that over the last 4 years have spent over 30k minus small amount of universal credit on childcare which is unbelievable. Can't wait for son to go to school. Rent costs nearly £1000 a month. Thankfully when he's in school I'll be able to save a bit, but not enough to buy a house, go on a nice holiday once a year, etc (all those things that are a luxury but would really like, I know I'm not entitled to these things). I work 5 days a week to make as much as I do. It's not even a bad wage (no idea how people on less in the same situation cope, solidarity). I'd love a promotion but really difficult and competitive in my line of work plus I've only just switched career path, but will try my best. Feel like my life is groundhog day of working, picking son up, boring evening routine, weekend always a bit bonkers and stressful, never a day to myself other than work, never having much money and worrying about paying rent. I just can't see things getting more affordable without a big bump in my salary which I can't see happening anytime soon. Please feel free to tell me IABU or ridiculous on 30k a year but I'm really down about how much everything costs. Does anyone else feel similar?

OP posts:
Kay286 · 04/03/2023 18:52

30k is a reasonable salary , but as a single parent running a household on that income it won’t stretch far , espec with high rent. You’re running a whole household and all bills
on one income - that’s hard to do.
have you checked all benefit entitlement? Once little one is at school childcare burden will be reduced ?

Kay286 · 04/03/2023 18:53

Also I would add, have you done a monthly budget spending check ? Go through all your outgoings every month to the penny . See where your money goes. Sometimes there are areas which are surprising and can be pulled back.

Original poster
DuckDuckDiva · 04/03/2023 18:54

Kay286 · 04/03/2023 18:52

30k is a reasonable salary , but as a single parent running a household on that income it won’t stretch far , espec with high rent. You’re running a whole household and all bills
on one income - that’s hard to do.
have you checked all benefit entitlement? Once little one is at school childcare burden will be reduced ?

Thankfully once he's in school it will be reduced massively but will still have to pay for wrap around most days, which won't be anywhere near as much as childcare now, and childcare for some of the school holidays. I feel really sorry for him but I wouldn't be able to work otherwise. I feel like a shit parent sometimes and that he's with others instead of me. I get benefits now but it only covers about a quarter of rent and childcare combined. Thankfully I only have 5 months left to pay!

OP posts:
Original poster
DuckDuckDiva · 04/03/2023 18:55

Kay286 · 04/03/2023 18:53

Also I would add, have you done a monthly budget spending check ? Go through all your outgoings every month to the penny . See where your money goes. Sometimes there are areas which are surprising and can be pulled back.

Yes I did an income and expenditure chart. I'm very frugal!

OP posts:
Nixnjj1 · 04/03/2023 19:01

I understand. Been lone parent 18 years now and yes running and house and parenting on a single income is difficult. One piece of advice I would offer is don't feel guilty for what you can't do and celebrate what you can

MintJulia · 04/03/2023 19:06

Nixnjj1 · 04/03/2023 19:01

I understand. Been lone parent 18 years now and yes running and house and parenting on a single income is difficult. One piece of advice I would offer is don't feel guilty for what you can't do and celebrate what you can

This.

All you can do is get the best value from the income you do have, and not waste anything.

And be proud that you are doing such a good job. 🙂

Original poster
DuckDuckDiva · 04/03/2023 19:07

Nixnjj1 · 04/03/2023 19:01

I understand. Been lone parent 18 years now and yes running and house and parenting on a single income is difficult. One piece of advice I would offer is don't feel guilty for what you can't do and celebrate what you can

I just feel like I'm coasting through life. Also have a court hearing looming where his abusive dad who makes lots of money and can provide anything he wishes is likely to get contact so that's making me feel very hopeless. He shouldn't be getting contact, but that's the family courts for you!

OP posts:
Aiimeee · 04/03/2023 19:43

It will feel like this while you're paying for childcare. You'll feel a lot better once he's at school. But in fairness, £30k is not a large household income (its a decent salary for 1 person, but not to run a household).

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