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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lifts

27 replies

MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:19

Hi, I'd like to know if I'm being unreasonable here.
DP working away, 5 hours drive. Has worked 21 days without a day off (14 hour days) A friend is also working in same location so DH has offered to bring him home today too to save him flying tomorrow. Friends DP expects my DH to drive friend to their house (adding 30 mins to the 5 hours) instead of them collecting from our house as they want to go out to the pub. AIBU to think this is CF behaviour?

OP posts:
Led9519 · 04/03/2023 15:21

If dh has offered him a lift I would assume it would be to his house?
it’s a bit weird to offer a lift to your own house and then say “make your way from here?”
What did they actually agree?

UWhatNow · 04/03/2023 15:22

Whether they are a CF or not (they are), the offer of a lift is only to your house. They can take it or leave it. Don’t even negotiate.

fajitaaaa · 04/03/2023 15:25

UWhatNow · 04/03/2023 15:22

Whether they are a CF or not (they are), the offer of a lift is only to your house. They can take it or leave it. Don’t even negotiate.

This. DH can just say the offer is for a lift to his house or to a point on the way where they can get a bus/uber.

fajitaaaa · 04/03/2023 15:26

Friends DP shouldn't be getting involved. If they want to go to the pub that's fair enough I don't know why they should have to get involved.

Original poster
MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:27

No it's not usually like that in our group. As we live outside where everyone else (friend group) lives, we usually make our way to them for any lifts so the assumption would be they would get themselves collected from us (aware that sounds odd but that's kind of how it is) and my DH will end up 2 mins from our house and then will have to go on another 15 mins to friends house.... I think I'm just irritated that he's driven 5 hours completely knackered then has to carry on for another half an hour so his wife can go to the pub when my DH has just saved her a 3 hour round trip to the airport tomorrow.... just seems a bit twatty to me.

OP posts:
fajitaaaa · 04/03/2023 15:28

MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:27

No it's not usually like that in our group. As we live outside where everyone else (friend group) lives, we usually make our way to them for any lifts so the assumption would be they would get themselves collected from us (aware that sounds odd but that's kind of how it is) and my DH will end up 2 mins from our house and then will have to go on another 15 mins to friends house.... I think I'm just irritated that he's driven 5 hours completely knackered then has to carry on for another half an hour so his wife can go to the pub when my DH has just saved her a 3 hour round trip to the airport tomorrow.... just seems a bit twatty to me.

He doesn't have to. This is a grown adult yeh? Can get a taxi?

OutDamnedSpot · 04/03/2023 15:30

Ffs. How is this a question? Friend gets a taxi, surely?

Aprilx · 04/03/2023 15:30

I think both you and the other partner should just let DH and colleague sort it out between themselves.

Original poster
MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:31

Ok so we love SO rurally (and not in the UK) so there is no alternative to either his DP collecting or my DP dropping off. I know that sounds ridiculous but that's the nature of our location

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:32

LIVE not love 🙄

OP posts:
Led9519 · 04/03/2023 15:35

Yeah if you’ve saved Dp an airport trip least they could do is pick them up from yours but I’d leave DH and his friend to work it out it’s up to them really.

HairyPooter · 04/03/2023 15:39

Why is the friend's DP getting involved?

And no, your DH's destination is home so friend gets picked up. CF territory.

Original poster
MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:46

Because she's invited our group to the pub (on a group message) so I replied I wasn't coming as I'm doing dinner for my family and waiting for DP. I said are you not picking your DP up from mine and she said no I'm going to the pub. Therefore leaving my DP zero choice but to take her DP home.

OP posts:
fajitaaaa · 04/03/2023 15:46

MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:31

Ok so we love SO rurally (and not in the UK) so there is no alternative to either his DP collecting or my DP dropping off. I know that sounds ridiculous but that's the nature of our location

Ok in that case his mates DP can pick up from airport if they don't like the offer from DH

fajitaaaa · 04/03/2023 15:47

MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:46

Because she's invited our group to the pub (on a group message) so I replied I wasn't coming as I'm doing dinner for my family and waiting for DP. I said are you not picking your DP up from mine and she said no I'm going to the pub. Therefore leaving my DP zero choice but to take her DP home.

No he has a choice. He can take his mate to your house and mate can wait outside

JudgeRudy · 04/03/2023 15:50

I think this is between the work colleagues not partners. As a one off in the big scheme of things I think if I was making a 5hr journey I'd actually be more likely to drop them at their house (extra 30mins) than in the middle of no where (your house) with no hope of a taxi. He's gonna have to loiter at yours until he gets a lift. I think it does make a difference that your in the middle of no where. They both probably thought the lift was sorted and now she's made plans assuming he wouldn't need a lift from her.
If I was getting the lift I'd be inclined to pay this back somehow, either pay petrol, offer your services/a favour etc. Maybe when he drops him off he could order a takeaway for you both (all) which could arrive just as he does.
Sounds like your OH's already made up his mind.

Original poster
MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:51

No my DH has no idea he's having to drive the additional half hour.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:51

And for context, not work colleagues, good friends.

OP posts:
fajitaaaa · 04/03/2023 15:52

MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:51

No my DH has no idea he's having to drive the additional half hour.

That's really shit

QuertyGirl · 04/03/2023 15:53

This is why I never accept offers of lifts

Original poster
MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:54

I know. I think I'm upset because my DH is completely fucked. He's worked dog hours for weeks with no day off, hideous hours and is just desperate to get home and see his kids.... but has to endure more driving cos someone's wife wants to go out. It just feels mean.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 04/03/2023 15:55

MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:51

No my DH has no idea he's having to drive the additional half hour.

Has nobody told him? When will he find out and what’s he likely to say?

WinterMusings · 04/03/2023 15:55

fajitaaaa · 04/03/2023 15:47

No he has a choice. He can take his mate to your house and mate can wait outside

Show quote history

What a STUPID response.

@MrsGolightly I think you just need to leave it to your DH. I'd happily drive my mate to their house, or the pub and I wouldn't thank my partner for sticking his neb in.

QuertyGirl · 04/03/2023 15:59

Assuming these are grown men, I'm sure they can sort it out themselves without their wives doing it for them

Original poster
MrsGolightly · 04/03/2023 15:59

@Shinyandnew1 friend will just say can you take me home and my DH will say yes and take him but he internally fuming and feel it's a piss take, because it is. I know on balance this is just a stupid nonsense situation it's just my DH has done a lot for this person and it's just another annoying thing

OP posts:
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