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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's left me on read - AIBU to expect he won't reply

44 replies

UserError1 · 04/03/2023 10:32

Been seeing/messaging a guy.

Last message(s) have been left read by him.... I had a squeaky floor board and asked him if it was normal for it to go creaky randomly. He than said for me to write a list of jobs and he will do it. I told him thank you and for him to concentrate on his own house (he's gutted it) but advice is also appreciated. To which I asked for plumbing advice... and he's left me unread.

He's been online a few times and read my messages.

Unlike him and now I feel like I've been given the cold shoulder.

AIBU or intuition?

OP posts:
FiveHundredDucksWentOutOneDay · 04/03/2023 10:34

I think if someone I was interested in started sending me random queries about work, especially quite close together, I’d wonder if they were either friend-zoning me or only really interested in my job.

7Worfs · 04/03/2023 10:35

I’m reading this as, you told him to mind his own business after he offered help.
He might’ve thought the same.

xJoy · 04/03/2023 10:37

He offered to do a list of jobs in your house and you said ''concentrate on your own house''.

That could have come across a bit sharp.

Normally I'm the first to say move on, if somebody's giving you mixed messages, but the fact that he was prepared to do a LIST of repairs to your house does not sound like a brush off. To go from ''I'll do work on your house if you give me a list'' to the cold shoulder, that is a speedy brush off if that's what it is

SpringIntoChaos · 04/03/2023 10:38

Your messages (and subsequent replies to his offers to help) are just weird to me...I'm not surprised he's not responding to be honest 🤷‍♀️

Amadeaa · 04/03/2023 10:39

This doesn’t sound like a very romantic connection if all messages are of practical nature about work

Daffodilsandbeer · 04/03/2023 10:41

7Worfs · 04/03/2023 10:35

I’m reading this as, you told him to mind his own business after he offered help.
He might’ve thought the same.

But harsh,she was being nice, wtf wants a random they have recently started seeing round house doing work.

way to make it her fault; what should she have done, fallen to her knees with thanks.

ijustneedanamefgs · 04/03/2023 10:42

He could have been being sarcastic about the send him a list thing. How long have you been seeing him? He may think he’s being used for diy, especially if it’s his profession.

MRex · 04/03/2023 10:43

Why did you basically tell him to fuck off ("concentrate on your own house") and then expect him to speak to you again? What's the timeline here? If you're emotionally insensitive enough to not have realised nor intended that you were telling him to fuck off, then phone him and ask him out for drinks. Then you can clear up confusion in person. Next time you want to turn someone on, don't lead with floorboards and plumbing.

pilates · 04/03/2023 10:46

How long have you been seeing him?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 04/03/2023 10:48

I think it's a bit odd to ask someone you've just started seeing about DIY stuff tbh.

Could you not have googled the squeaky floorboard thing?

Sillyheadoooooo · 04/03/2023 10:48

Maybe it will take quite a detailed reply so he’s just waiting on when he has 10mins to think about it and reply

Siennahh · 04/03/2023 10:48

You've basically told him to mind his own business and them continued to message him?

bluetilt · 04/03/2023 10:48

he offered help and you refused, why?

he is probably ulter confused right now, he tried to do something nice for you and you dismesside in a very hard / cold way

”so sweet of you offering help, are you sure? I know you are busy with your own house and I don’t want to give you any extra pressures…if you can really do some jobs that will be amazing but advice only still greatly appreciated😘”

I would love to have a man I’m attracted to ask me for a list of jobs to be done in my house! How did you find him?

Original poster
UserError1 · 04/03/2023 10:49

He's bought his own house which he's currently gutting and doesn't have space to see his children. This weekend he is working away, as well as doing his usual week job. So I'm not going to let him do jobs for me when he can spend the time doing his own house up so he can spend time with his children.

OP posts:
Original poster
UserError1 · 04/03/2023 10:50

I don't want him to do free work on my house.... how is that an issue?

OP posts:
Original poster
UserError1 · 04/03/2023 10:51

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 04/03/2023 10:48

I think it's a bit odd to ask someone you've just started seeing about DIY stuff tbh.

Could you not have googled the squeaky floorboard thing?

Yes true

OP posts:
sonjadog · 04/03/2023 10:51

Even if it was meant that way it sounds more like you told him to fuck off.

Original poster
UserError1 · 04/03/2023 10:51

ijustneedanamefgs · 04/03/2023 10:42

He could have been being sarcastic about the send him a list thing. How long have you been seeing him? He may think he’s being used for diy, especially if it’s his profession.

Yes that true..... oh well I guess that's true

OP posts:
OnlyFannys · 04/03/2023 10:52

Did you phrase it exactly like that "concentrate on your own house" if so that might have been misinterpreted to you telling him to sod off.
If I had interpreted like that then the person continued to ask for advice I'd be irritated so could just be crossed wires.
Also how long have you been dating and have you met? It's a bit much asking all this stuff if it's still new, it should be a lot more flirty at the start

Hooklander · 04/03/2023 10:52

He doesn't see his children at all? I'd be worrying about that situation, not a squeaky floorboard.

bluetilt · 04/03/2023 10:56

UserError1 · 04/03/2023 10:49

He's bought his own house which he's currently gutting and doesn't have space to see his children. This weekend he is working away, as well as doing his usual week job. So I'm not going to let him do jobs for me when he can spend the time doing his own house up so he can spend time with his children.

that is understandable but the way your mesage reads is very harsh! we can never quite know the tone of written messages and it all depends on the receiver frame of mind, level of energy when reading it.

be careful when texting, use emojis - I know some ppl hate them but emojis really help conveying mood - but if you don’t want to use emojis at all - choose your words and written style carefully

some men thrive in doing stuff for the wimen they like especially if they feel confident in a particular area

he might have felt rejected, confused and as if he doesn’t know how to manage his own time / workload since you feel like managing this for him

call him and invite him out to clear up confusion as someone said above

Original poster
UserError1 · 04/03/2023 10:57

Hooklander · 04/03/2023 10:52

He doesn't see his children at all? I'd be worrying about that situation, not a squeaky floorboard.

No he does but goes to his sisters.... so it's once every other week. Would be easier if he had his own house done up.... and also I could come over (I share). We've discussed this.

OP posts:
bluetilt · 04/03/2023 10:58

can you post screenshot of the messages and what was the conversation before that?

did you ask him for advice to spark his attention back to you?

Original poster
UserError1 · 04/03/2023 10:58

bluetilt · 04/03/2023 10:58

can you post screenshot of the messages and what was the conversation before that?

did you ask him for advice to spark his attention back to you?

Yes.

I will do... give me five

OP posts:
Vloader23 · 04/03/2023 11:00

Move on and in future don't treat a potential partner as your home help quite so early