I just shouted in his face

[Gettissuesgotissues]

Despite repeated conversations asking him not to, my DH shouts at the kids, sometimes several times a day. He also makes these stupid loud growling noises. He just did it again, shouting 'child's name'. It used to give me a fright, never mind the kids, and I'm usually in the next room when this happens. Anyway, today I just lost it, and shouted right in his face 'stop shouting at the kids!' I rarely shout, unless there's danger, and hate confrontation. I'm ashamed I did this.

I agree, growing is just weird! This is MN where literally everything is abuse! Jesus most of my friends are also abusive parents according to the perfect mums on here 😂! The parents on here are probably the ones at the school who sit there ignoring their feral offspring while they make other kids lives a misery or they sit there explaining for half an hour to dear little damien how it really really hurts someone's feelings when you pull their hair out of their head or draw blood by biting them!

There is shouting and there is shouting. If DS just bit someone I might have shouted at to stop right now and then sort it out.
But constant shouting, screaming, growling and the fear that it causes causes long term damage to children.
I rarely shouted at DS because of my own experiences and he was anything but feral, he's a lovely thoughtful man now.

You go Rihanna

Why are you ashamed? He’s a nasty cunt using fear to control you all.

Shout in his face to get the fuck out of the house, next time.

I'm not sure whether I regard shouting as abuse, but to be fair its not the right way to go about things. Surely (and correct me if I'm wrong) all it teaches them is to shout when they are angry or annoyed instead of talking about things? I thought shouting was normam and I had shouting matches with all my exes. Realised it wasn't healthy when I met DH, went through the process of changing my bad habits and now have no need to shout at all.... its really a pointless trait. Shouting at poor little Damien to stop biting or hair pulling won't stop him if he's used to the shouting. You can teach/discipline without screaming at your kids

I think it's actually even more sad when the children don't react to being shouted at, because they've just become habituated to it as part of their 'normal' of just what parents do: they give you a bowl of rice krispies every morning, they take you to school and they shout at you all the time.

Excuses that being shouted at doesn't scare or upset the children just signify to me that the kids have been forced to lower their expectations and comfort levels and restrict their lives and (harmless but maybe slightly annoying) behaviours and characteristics; or otherwise simply hide their fears.

Too true. But try getting a shouter to understand that.

Haven't heard yet what context makes it OK for the kids to scream at Mum or each other.

He sounds like an animal who should be kept in a cage 😕

Thank you @BourbonBon 🤩 Maybe this will my year to shine ever so brightly like a diamond 👑

Seriously all the crap on here is laughable! As i stated before i was married to a very abusive man who almost never even raised his voice!

I agree completely with PP: just because somebody is abusive without shouting in no way means that you are therefore not being abusive by shouting at people!

You may as well say that, because shooting somebody with a gun is a violent act, that must therefore mean that stabbing them with a knife cannot be as well, as it's a different method.

Thanks for your advice and experiences. I'm always hopeful of things changing for the better, but we'll see what happens next.

Do you mean from the?

This is the exact type of post that usually results in the op replying to posters adding in details of the dreadful man she is dealing with. I hope I’m wrong but I suspect he is a horror and she’d be better off alone.