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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Changing room etiquette

38 replies

mfbx5sf3 · 04/03/2023 09:29

I take my son to a swimming lesson on a Saturday morning. There are three large communal bays in the ladies and a clear sign that says children and boys can use only use bay 3 and the other two bays are adult only. Recently when we are getting changed after swimming a lady (late 60s/ early 70s) has started coming into the bay full of children, stripping off and standing in front of the large mirrors where the hairdryers are and blow dries her body head to toe. Literally dries her hair, lifts up her breasts to get underneath, dries her pubes and bends over to do down her legs. This means if you have small children and would like to dry their hair you need to position them next to the lady so they get quite the eye full. AIBU to think this isn’t really appropriate? There’s tons of room in the adult only bays (practically empty) and the third bay is always packed with all the children who have been in lessons. The mens room has a sign in their third bay asking only adults with children to use that bay during lessons. WIBU to ask for he same consideration in the ladies?

OP posts:
Blackalice · 04/03/2023 09:55

That sounds grim! I would definitely request the same sign as the men have.

Nimbostratus100 · 04/03/2023 09:56

ask for the same sign to be put up in the ladies

Kitkatcatflap · 04/03/2023 09:58

Request the same sign as men and tell reception about her drying behaviour.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 04/03/2023 09:58

I'd ask. My place has a sign that says hair dryers are only for hair on your head. And I never really understood it. Until now.

TellSomeoneElse · 04/03/2023 10:01

For goodness sake, I’m normally pretty ‘live and let live’ but that’s just weird and, yes, inappropriate. The same signs as in the mens would make sense really.

Original poster
mfbx5sf3 · 04/03/2023 10:12

Glad it’s not just me being a prude!

OP posts:
Highlandflingbling · 04/03/2023 10:48

That’s not on. I’m no prude either, but what is this lady thinking?

cocksstrideintheevening · 04/03/2023 11:07

Do they have dryers in the other bays? Sounds very bizarre behaviour.

Original poster
mfbx5sf3 · 04/03/2023 11:10

Yep driers in all bays. I think the appeal of bay 3 is that it’s closest to the showers.

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 04/03/2023 11:11

Yanbu

Id have called you a liar/exaggerating until last week when I was on a communal changing room and a similarly aged lady walked stark naked from the changing bit round a corner past the showers to a corridor with a long mirror (on way to poolside) and stood body lotioning herself from head to toe. It was startlingly exhibitionistic.

I was baffled rather than offended but then I wasn’t trying to get kids changed and could walk past quickly.

Justtryandstaycalm75 · 04/03/2023 11:16

I'm amazed how anyone (of any age) would do this.
It's obviously highly inappropriate in front of children.

I'm wondering if she may be confused as I don't think anyone would do this in normal circumstances.

I think someone needs to have a quiet word with her.

WaltzingWaters · 04/03/2023 11:22

YANBU. I’m certainly no prude but that’s just not necessary, especially when there are bays without kids in available, seems odd she’d use that one. Talk to staff about it and ask for the same sign up as the men have.

35965a · 04/03/2023 11:22

Definitely speak to reception about it. It sounds like you are exaggerating but I have seen this behaviour in changing rooms on one or two occasions and the people doing it actually seem to enjoy making others uncomfortable and it is not OK.

UndertheCedartree · 04/03/2023 11:23

It's strange that she doesn't want to use the sections with no children in. At my gym in the ladies there is 3 sections, one is marked adult only. I have to say it's not unusual to see people using the hair dryer to dry their whole body like you describe. I always use the family changing room when I have my DD with me as they have separate cubicles with a shower in.

Original poster
mfbx5sf3 · 04/03/2023 11:41

She has on occasion had two younger women with her (40sish) who I’m fairly sure are relatives. I don’t think they are from the UK (are not speaking in English) and I’ve wondered if they possible are from a country where you find a lot of spas where people are walking about naked. It’s not the nakedness/ blow drying itself that was really concerning me. Although I personally would prefer not to use a drier that had just been used to dry a strangers genitals. Mainly the close proximity to all the children when there’s no need to be/ their eye level is an unfortunate height! I just don’t think she wants to do the extra few steps to the next bay when she comes out the shower.

OP posts:
KateAusten · 04/03/2023 11:44

Pass the sick bowl

Sharktopus · 04/03/2023 11:45

It's interesting that the two examples cited here both stress the age of the person - it's almost as if this thread was designed to illustrate the hatred and fear young women have of older women that's being talked about so much at the moment:

www.theguardian.com/books/2023/feb/27/hags-by-victoria-smith-review-welcome-to-the-age-of-rage

Original poster
mfbx5sf3 · 04/03/2023 11:47

It’s not.

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 04/03/2023 11:51

Am I right in thinking that parents/carers dry and change in this bay alongside their children, or is it only children who use it alongside parents who haven't been swimming?

Justtryandstaycalm75 · 04/03/2023 11:51

It could be that she is in the early stages of an illness that causes confusion.
I would say she needs help preserving her dignity as well as protecting the children.

caramac04 · 04/03/2023 11:52

As a more mature woman I would not be subjecting children to my naked body. I wouldn’t have done so when I was young. I was open with dc when young but more discreet with dgc when we have had to share a changing room when they were very young.
Its great the woman is not ashamed of her body but I don’t think she should be drying herself the way she is, she should use her towel and be discreet.

Sharktopus · 04/03/2023 11:53

Justtryandstaycalm75 · 04/03/2023 11:51

It could be that she is in the early stages of an illness that causes confusion.
I would say she needs help preserving her dignity as well as protecting the children.

Absolutely - children must be saved from seeing from old, wrinkly skin. mustn't they? Will no-one think of the children!

Sharktopus · 04/03/2023 11:55

Oooh! Just noticed that she's probably foreign too - well, obviously, they're not like us, are they?

Aftjbtibg · 04/03/2023 11:57

Even without my kids there I’d feel that was yuck but totally inappropriate when there’s kids and you could do it away from them

Original poster
mfbx5sf3 · 04/03/2023 11:57

@PlaitBilledDuckyPuss for these classes there are no parents in the water so it’s just the children changing.

OP posts: