Why do people do/what’s wrong with me

[WalkinginNemphis2]

For some reason people don’t seem to warm to me. Went out for friends birthday night last night.

There were to be people there whom I Knew and some I didn’t. I walked into the venue with another lady who I know but knew no one else who’d arrived at that point did. If that makes sense!

As soon as I walked up to group and smiled I got a shot of hostility from one woman who I didn’t know almost immediately. It really threw me off guard. But I continued to introduce the lady who’d come in with me to the people I knew and myself to the people I didn’t as I was doing this the woman in question was looking at me like 😏…very obviously. I don’t know her from adam!

Continued with the night and tried to chat to her (I’ve just moved to the area my DC will go to the same school as her older ones next year so wanted to try make an effort) but she was actually really quite rude to me. Like properly rude at one point.

It wasn’t just her she was lovely to another two women whom she didn’t know and was even organising a play date with one by the end of the evening, but wouldn’t give me the time of day.

I’ve had this happen a few times before, genuinely do not know what I did wrong as it started before I’d even opened my mouth. It’s really knocked me and put me off socialising with them which is a shame as I really like some of the others.

@Brefugee i didn’t single her out you just getting talking to people naturally on the round don’t you, so when that happened I just made a little more effort than I might have otherwise to ask about her be pleasant…..she was absolutely lovely to two other people she also didn’t know and I over heard her arranging to meet up with the kids with one of them bear the end of the night, so I wouldn’t have said it’s that she doesn’t like meeting new people.

I wouldn't overthink it and let it go

@Moonicorn a dirty look straight at me then a distinct bristling when I smiled at her and yes as @SoGladofYou says a vibe. Even bigger dirty slight eyebrow lift….we all know the look when I introduced the other person who’d walked in with me.

oh well, OP, i wouldn't let it eat at me - just carry on being your usual friendly self 🙂it sounds like a her problem

I'm not particularly pretty talented or confident I get this occasionally 😅 I look at it pragmatically I don't smell I'm not unkind I'm a fairly benevolent person the type of person most people don't even notice sometimes but people get a vibe off me rightly or wrongly it's there

What strange behaviour from her!

Could she have mistaken you for someone else? I've done this before which was . Mistook someone for another woman who had been pretty horrible to a friend of mine a year before. I wasn't nasty, but I wasn't friendly to her. Realised halfway through the even that IT WASN'T THE SAME WOMAN. I was mortified. I'm glad I hadn't been rude to her.

Maybe she was half way through telling them about her holiday romance when you (a stranger to her) came up and started introducing another stranger, which interrupted her story and changed the dynamic of a group she had been happy with?

It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, just that there is no reason she should be delighted to see you or your other friend. She should have been more polite about it though.

@Theunamedcat sometimes I don’t care, but I’m new in town and obviously want to make friends, and sometimes it just gets to you doesn’t it. I mean she’s got to be at least 35 and I’m like are we still doing this sh*t 😑.

@TheYearOfSmallThings perhaps but she’d signed up for a night out with 20 odd people where she didn’t know half of them. It was going to happen wasn’t it!

Also I get that @TheYearOfSmallThings but then she continued to be distinctly off with me all night!!

So it’s just one person that didn’t warm to you and isn’t part of a wider pattern?

No it does sometimes happen to me not every time @ShimmeringShirts but enough and often in that same way so as to be a definite thing.

It's probably her not you but honestly I do think sometimes we are too quick to misread people and make huge assumptions. I'd make a beeline for her next time you see her, introduce yourself again and say you didn't get a chance to chat properly - be lovely and chatty and if she still shuts you down then you either accept she's just a bitch or ask if you've done something to upset her. It always throws people off guard and if nothing else is satisfying watching people squirm or they'll explain/justify themselves

Did you steal her parking space or cut her up for some reason when driving ? I completely lose the run of myself behind the wheel and have been known to follow people for quite a while seething with rage over a minor infraction 🤢

As the saying goes, "you could be the most juicy, delicious peach on the tree, but there'll always be someone who doesn't like peaches."

I wouldn't give it another thought OP.

Do you have a very striking style that puts you in a 'clan' dress wise op? Like 'the goths' 'the botoxers' 'the countryside brigade' 'the vegan crusaders'.

If so maybe it's not you at all and these people you meet who are off with you have just got a beef with the 'clan' you dress with.

@WalkinginNemphis2 could be for a multitude of reasons tbh but not everyone in life is going to like you and that’s fine, you don’t need everyone in life to like you. You clearly have friends and relationships so I’d not worry about it - it’s their loss at the end of the day.

I recently found out that I tend to use a “telephone voice” with new people, I don’t even notice I’m doing it but I am rather stressed when meeting new people. It apparently makes me sound rather stuck up which gives off the wrong impression - especially if you actually knew me sometimes it’s just about the feeling other people get when meeting you (or me!) and there’s not really anything you can do about it, if they’re going to be judgemental and hostile they’re really not someone you want in your life anyway.

Do you get too familiar with people OP? Sometimes if people are too full on it can be too much. You could’ve asked her what was wrong. Perhaps you should if you’re unfortunate enough to meet the bitch again. I’ve had a few women blank me completely in my time, shocking at first, but they’re just fucking rude! I’ve even had a child who was about 8 look me up & down 😆.

YNBU

I get this all the time. Had it all my life. I think it's my vibe, I sort of have autistic traits (nothing like the actual thing) but it means I come across weird and overthink. I'll be friendly and kind, but to some I come across as a push over, then I pull back and I come across snobby 😂😭 so because my vibe is so awkward the usual person just doesn't warm to me. Half the time they don't even know why, they just automatically feel on edge, so if a persons insecure or has their own issue they can get nasty in defence. Most happy souls who have nothing to prove will remain pleasant and when they get to know me it all clicks.