Please can someone help with money advice...leaving abuser and stuck.

[Goneagain]

Hi all,

I'm posting here for traffic but I'm at rock bottom so please be kind.

I'm at the stage of leaving my emotionally (and marginally physically) abusive partner. Well he's basically left me again (he does this quite regularly) because I said something he didn't like. He's said unless I admit to being emotionally abusive he's not coming and I'll have nowhere to live and won't be able to afford the bills". If I say sorry, we won't separate.
After him shouting at me last night that I'm a fucking bitch, fucking twat. I'm not apologising.

I really need some money advice.
So I pay bills he pays rent.
I can't afford the rent. It's 1500 a month.

I feel I'm stuck and in a catch 22, so hoping someone has some advice to help me break free

I can't move out because

1. There are hardly any rentals
2. Rental costs are high and until I have proof I can afford a property, my application will not be accepted. I should have enough to move out if I also get universal credit but I would have to in receipt of it and show it as proof I can afford rent alone. I'm stuck. I can't stay in this house alone for a few months, claim UC and then move out because it's way too expensive here. My 'ex" partner has said he'll pay 3 months rent for me to move out but if he pays my rent then surely I won't be eligible for UC. Even if I am, surely it'll be at a much lesser amount and then I wont have evidence I can afford to live alone.

I have no savings. I have no family nearby. Working more isn't really an option because I have nobody for childcare. My NHS job has no more hours at the moment and even if they did, I don't know how I'd do it. I already work an evening a week and my partner won't be having my son. So I've no idea how I'll even do that.

Why are you engaging with him??

You have had so much advice and support on previous threads, to the point posters were willing to call Women's Aid on your behalf.

Stop making excuses. He abuses both your sons, both the one you share and, more worryingly, your eldest from a previous relationship. HE ABUSES YOUR CHILDREN, as well as you.

Most readers will probably take this post at face value, and offer support with the best intentions.

Please be honest now about your posting history, and own the fact that you have been here before, for years, begging for this man's approval despite his abuse of your sons. People will still help you, as they have on the dozens of previous threads, but at least admit you are ready to take that help.

Your children have been surviving for months, actually years, by now, in this toxic shitshow, with the people around you desperate to break them out.

It's so sad, yet telling, that he has pulled the plug and not you. You were never going to leave him, he's done you a favour by pushing you. You are probably begging him for forgiveness already. What will shock you into walking away?? Genuine question, what will stop you???

Emotional blackmail www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4721353-emotional-blackmail

Read this before forming opinions. So much help has already been given....

It's obviously the doctor guy and to be honest it's getting a bit much that the OP name changes every couple of weeks to post "new" each time when the background gives much needed context.

He is a cheating, abusive prick. He abuses you, your shared child, and, most horribly, you young son from a previous relationship.

You may have a dearth of rental properties wherever you are (you mentioned wales before, I live in SE England and there is still stuff to rent If you compromise) so you DOWNSIZE

or move back in with your very supportive family/friends.

You do NOT:

Beg him for reassurance he won't cheat when he goes out to watch the football
Beg him to spend time together at a light show for photo opportunities
Beg him to stay with you

Seriously, I have been in and supported friends through abusive relationships, I'm not unsympathetic. But fucking wake up!!!

Or at least own the fact you are that desperate you will raise your sons in a toxic shitshow rather than be alone and struggle financially for a bit.

Stop namechanging and pretending you don't have options. You do. Fucking real life strong women have given you them, here, for the past two years.

Own the cognitive dissonance. And. Protect. Your. Fucking. Children.