DH doesn’t care about his appearance

[bullgoggy]

He has good hygiene, good manners, nice teeth, well spoken and all of that but his clothes are just hideous. He wears things until they fall apart. He doesn’t give a shit if they go together or not. He looks either ridiculous or scruffy or both. For formal
occasions he wears a suit which he proudly tells anyone cost £59 from
Burtons 15 years ago. It’s shiny. Day to day it’s jeans and a t shirt. Whatever is clean. I can’t buy him clothes and he won’t buy himself new ones because all his old ones are still fine he says. But they’re not! They’re holey and faded. He won’t even put on a button up shirt and some non-jeans for theatre or restaurant and just styles it out somehow. Not that we go anywhere with a dress code but I would feel uncomfortable. But that’s maybe a me problem.

I can’t tell if I’m just being shallow or if it’s actually a bit disrespectful of him to others to not make a jot of effort. In a way I wish I cared less about what other people thought of me but I do care. And I like nice well made clothes.

Erm I think its more a men thing but ye my other half will often come downstairs sporting his new jeans or t-shirts exclaiming how cool they look and how he never noticed them in the drawer before..Never once does he seem to notice old jeans,shirts etc disappear either...so 10 years on he's smart down to me haha

At least he's not smelly. There's plenty of posts on here that talk about partner's not washing themselves.

I suppose this is like level 2. If you can accept it then accept it but it seems like you can't. I'm not sure I would be able to either. You don't want to dictate what he wears but you also don't want him wearing ripped, old clothes.

Yes eternally grateful that he has good hygiene but for the love of god we are going to the theatre next weekend and if he wears his holey fleece I might stand him up.

I think it comes down to respect for your partner.
If he knows you care about appearence then it is surely a small thing to smarten up when you are going out together.
You put the effort in for him so he can surely reciprocate.
I gave up completely with my x when he crawled out from fixing the car and went shopping with me... wearing the same manky oily clothes.. he had a tantrum when I said I would wait for him to clean up and change...

I don't throw out dhs worn stuff as he wears it for gardening but l do buy clothes and add them to his wardrobe. He doesn't care if l do or l don't but he would continue to wear old stuff if l didn't.
Sometimes our 2 ds in their twenties have nice jumpers etc they no longer want so l pretend they are going to be thrown out so his thrifty self grabs them and wears them. Winner!
Luckily they are all the same size.
For his birthday l will buy him a nice new jacket so he usually looks well in spite of himself.

I also get him nice shirts in the charity shop and he is happy to wear those as they are a bargain.
I know it's taboo here to buy your dh clothes and to let him be himself but l am not going out with him looking like a rag bag.
On holidays recently he looked so well every day as..yes..l had updated his holiday wardrobe and he had forgotten what he had last year.

I just say "we're going to get you some new shirts", and buy them. And I periodically go through and retire his worn out stuff. He doesn't spend time thinking about what to wear, and because I have provided a suitable, limited selection, he generally looks appropriate. It works for us now, but I do think we need to enter into each others' domains a bit more. Contingency planning.

I'd be leaving a partner that insisted that how they felt about what I was wearing was the most important thing...

DOI I have (I think) a similar attitude to OPs partner, cloths, to me are a purely functional item. The only effort I make is the once a year I buy a new ithing item, is to make sure its a neutral color that doesn't attract any attention and doesn't clash completely with the other dozen or so items I own.

@FixTheBone ... there is a difference between worn out tatty clothes and clothes that are actually dirty and smelly.. other people notice the later and judge the wearer accordingly..

Just buy him some new things if you think he’ll wear them. Tell him he looks nice in them. But really it’s up to him.

Wearing clothes until they wear out, OK by me. Continuing once they do (holes mainly), not in my opinion.

"My husband isn't happy with me, as he thinks i dress like a scruff"

Leave the bastard.
He is controlling.
Doesn't he love you for who you are.
This is abuse.

Could you buy him clothes as presents or just because eg I saw this in shop and thought it would suit you.
DH had some suits from a suit that fits yrs ago not sure if they do gift vouchers so you’ve already paid.

My husband and I are both like this. We just don't really care about things like that. I don't really care about fashion, and I don't dye my hair, wear makeup and I certainly won't do the whole botox thing. It is just the way we are.

Does it really matter? My DH hardly ever buys clothes and I see it as a good thing. I dress for myself and he dresses for himself. As long as he is clean and looks after himself I really don't mind what he wears.

My DH is a bit like this, I just buy him new clothes every once in a while and chuck out anything with holes in. He is never going to care about clothes so there is no point in expecting him to!

Why is it acceptable, actually admired, for a woman to be so controlling, yet when it's the reverse it's LTB for the slightest thing? It's no-one else's business what he wears and I speak as someone married for over 50 years. Every few years 'the t-shirt' would develop, the one he loved, it went on holiday with other clothes and was often the only one worn! The first was green/sludge and lasted about 8 years the second was brown and it's the one thing I've kept!

@JudgeJ If all the DHs in this thread protested at the new clothes that suddenly appeared in the wardrobe or the holey battered clothes that disappeared I could see your point, but in fact very few seem to do that, including my own DH. Most of the men being sketched here are either oblivious to how they present or really really really don’t like clothes shopping and don’t mind if someone else does it for them, as long as the decision (and maybe the expense) is taken away from them. The idea I could “control” my DH in anything is too hysterical for words.