Natural leader/ bossiness?

[Biilie82]

My DS started school last September, I’ve doing it interesting observing the emerging friendship groups, I’ve noticed there is one boy in the group that they all want to play with and do everything he tells them. AIBU wanting my DS to stand up for himself a bit? Is this a normal tend In friendship groups at this age?

yes, completely normal

There’s one in every group, it’s the natural way of things.

I remember one of the “Queen Bees” in my class. Looking back, I can’t believe we let her do the things she did and say the things she said. She turned out ok eventually, but is by no means a “leader” now.

DD is currently navigating this and I feel the same! I keep asking her why she puts up with it!! As you get older you get less tolerant of these more dominant characters I think.

Yes it is fairly normal but yes your DS should be encouraged to gently but assertively learn to push back if this child is trying to boss him about.

The problem with these friendship group dynamics is that apart from the leader no one else gets to develop their own identity and it’s harder to develop authentic friendships as opposed to having a bunch of kids basking in the leader’s status. It’s very difficult though and I think it’s harder for boys than girls.

What kind of personality does your son have? Is he someone who would naturally do his own thing? Do you think the kid is a bully or just a big personality?

I think the question about "bully" versus "big personality" is an important one. In a group, there is often, even as adults, someone who has lots of ideas and carries people with them/energises the group. The question is whether they are open to suggestions from others or whether it is "my way or the highway". Encourage your DS to feel comfortable suggesting ideas in games, and to find others to play with if he doesn't like the games being played or if his ideas are always shot down. But I don't think it's necessary to feel concerned about dominance per se.

from what I’ve seen he doesn’t appear to be a bully, they all just seem to follow him, ask his permission to join in with games etc, It intrigues me as to why.
I think my DS is relatively confident and seems very happy with his new ‘leader’ atm!! 😂 I do hope the friendship groups widen though

I agree with your point about it being harder for boys, although I’m not sure why, just the dynamics I have being observing

I’m sure it was the same for me, I don’t envy the kids having to navigate it all!! Glad it’s all behind me, I found the ‘queen bee’ dynamics sooo hard and was, on reflection, a bit of a push over