Postpartum care for mothers in the U.K. & USA (formal & informal) is dire

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I live in the USA but am a Brit who moved here at 26. I gave birth to three children here. My birthing experiences were all good and the hospital was very impressive in how they educated us on how to prepare for, and what to expect at birth and breastfeeding, with classes for months before the birth. They had a dedicated breastfeeding unit in the hospital that you could visit at any time for active support from lactation nurses that meant I successfully breastfeed all my kids.

However in the USA there is no federally mandated paid maternity leave and if you don’t have family or friends willing to help, there is no help whatsoever during the postpartum period. My husband earned enough so that I could stay at home full time but many women are forced to return to work within weeks or even days and put their baby in daycare to survive.

Of course, paid maternity leave is available in the U.K. but is this enough support immediately after birth?

Understanding of the mother’s need for care and support as she recovers from childbirth and what is happening to her mind and body at this time is lacking in both the USA and U.K. My mother died when I was 13 and so I had no emotional support or advice from anyone, I had to rely on books, websites and my own instincts and common sense to care for my babies. My in-laws lived 12 hours away by car (two states away).

There is a new business startup in the USA that offers the meals that many Asian societies make sure mothers have after birth with vital nutrition needed for recovery. Some Asian countries also have hotels where mothers can stay for the first 40 days after birth with their baby while other women look after them, or the community provides the help. Is this is the kind of service that should be offered by the state when you think of the FREE labour women are giving to society by being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, breastfeeding and caring for the next generation? I think both the U.K. & USA could be doing A LOT more to actively care for new mothers to aid their recovery and help prevent postpartum depression and anxiety. New mothers often find themselves completely isolated and with no social support around them.

www.theguardian.com/business/2023/mar/03/chiyo-postpartum-meal-service-entrepreneurs

YABU - this is unnecessary women currently do fine without extra support

YANBU - women in the U.K. & USA lack community & state/formal support during the postpartum period.

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“Is this is the kind of service that should be offered by the state when you think of the FREE labour women are giving to society by being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, breastfeeding and caring for the next generation?”

🤣 don’t be ridiculous!
How was your 9 months of pregnancy “labour”?
And what woman has a baby for the good of the state, wanting to populate the next generation?
We have babies because we selfishly want to.
Most women have at least 1 person for support - the father!
All U.K. women have access to a Health Visitor for free, and potentially a GP if needed.

Just how much do you want the state to spoon feed grown adults in their personal choices?

That New Business start up is over $500 a week. That’s a specific and affluent market they are catering too.
Far better to establish charities/meet up groups aimed at helping New Mums.
Is this an advert for a business you are involved in?

I do

Posted too soon!

I meant to say

I don't know anything about the USA, but if there's no maternity leave, is there childcare actually available for newborns? Most nurseries and childminders in the UK don't actually take newborns do they?

In the U.K. I had a midwife visit me daily for 10 days and free antenatal classes, in the USA I got nothing (nor did I get birthing classes, breastfeeding support or any of the other services op mentions for free, they all cost serious $$$.)

No I don't think you should be sent food parcels not stuck inside with your baby, it's a bizarre Chinese custom, even 48 hours at home drives me mad. I was back cooking after 48 hours with no issues at all, with dd2 I was back working pt (wfh) within a fortnight.

you do know that mothers aren’t doing the world a big favour by having kids? and therefore aren’t owed any big reward for their ‘unpaid labour’?

As I have given birth in both countries I can compare

YANBU women need more support. In many cultures women are cared for after birth as you mentioned, interestingly there is a lower rate of postnatal depression for the women in these cultures. I think women in the West are expected just to continue with their lives as they did before childbirth but with a baby and not complain about it.
I feel Western cultures value women primarily as sexual objects, and childbirth and motherhood is not sexy and therefore we lose our value (unlike other places where mothers and children are highly valued in society).
From personal experience (EMCS after a very long delivery), I was left that night unable to get out of bed but with my baby in my arms who I couldn't settle. The midwives couldn't help me. No one bats an eyelid at this and I had comments such as "well you have to get used to it". I'm not blaming the midwives, it's the culture that has to change.

@Comedycook It's no federally mandated maternity leave. I live here and have 6 months, mostly on full pay, and in professional jobs that's not rare at all.

It's very much a state-by-state and company by company thing. The youngest I've seen childcare available for is 6 weeks, but most daycares around here do it from 8-12 weeks. Nannies are more popular for tiny babies though...

New parents should be given more support, including by the state, because that may lead to all sorts of positive outcomes, from higher BFing rates to better mental health. Not sure a $500/week meal delivery service would be top of my list though.

Interesting how outraged people are at the idea of governments encouraging people to have children. It's actually very common (see for example money.com/government-pays-have-a-baby-low-birth-rate/)

😂😂😂😂 you must be joking??? Where you do expect to get all the people younger than you from, buy them at Tesco?

That's interesting about nannies. I think wages are generally better in the US compared to the UK. Most people in the UK couldn't afford a nanny.

Unfortunately “professional jobs” are not the jobs most women hold. It shouldn’t be luck of the draw if you get paid maternity leave. My MIL was a nurse and got NO HEALTHCARE. It’s only the wealthiest families that can afford a nanny. My daughters in college (19 & 22) nanny part-time and get $25-30 an hour.

@Comedycook I'm in NYC, so obviously a wealthier area and there's a preference towards nannies. I've always used daycare, and there's a disproportionate skew towards international families who favour group childcare.

Childminders, known as "in home daycare" are popular out of cities and in the suburbs. My Mum friends in Long Island rave about theirs. Obv they're less common in NYC due to lack of space.

On the topic of the post, $500 a week I could just...order take-aways to be delivered every night. But again, maybe that's a NYC thing because we can get anything delivered.

You couldn’t pay me to have a baby in the US. Their maternity leave is shocking.

I appreciate the focus on childcare but the focus of my post was the support for mother’s especially immediately after the birth in the postpartum period. Should the focus always be “get back to work ASAP” or should it be on what is best for the mother and baby? Lack of bonding in the first year of life is very serious and can cause major problems down the road that are hard to solve, for both mother and child.

And postpartum depression & anxiety can be a major culprit of mothers struggling to bond, especially with no emotional or social support.

One if my best friend’s was a veterinarian here in the USA and was back to work 5 days later.

Having children is objectively a shit deal for women, but they are often propelled into it by a combination of biological urges and social conditioning. But many more women nowadays are voting with their feet and choosing not to have children - hence the current birth rate problem.

I agree with you that better postpartum care for mothers would be valuable. And not just because it benefits the mothers themselves, but also because of the benefits for babies and children. It could literally save lives given the role of parental exhaustion in many baby deaths.

But I do think the first port of call should be fathers. Generally speaking (and I'm sure there are exceptions but they don't disprove the 'rule'), men don't do nearly enough. It's so common to hear women say 'I'm on maternity leave so I do all the housework, childcare and night wakings'.

That’s just inhumane and it should be outlawed. Even if it was her choice, it’s not one she should have been allowed to make.

She was self-employed and the main breadwinner, her husband stayed home but both of them were unhappy and she developed serious postnatal depression. I met her when our first dds were about a year old.

I don't think you can say that the UK and the US are similarly bad - at least in the UK you get paid mat leave and there's some support (though HV services re patchy both in frequency and in quality). In the US what you get depends on your economic status, with the wealthy getting decent-ish services and the rest - not.

And while some cultures may encourage women to stay home post partum and be waited on hand and foot, that would be hideous and stifling for many of us. Not cooking would be lovely (in fact my husband did most of it when the DC were newborns) but I was out and about doing things because I bloody wanted to within a couple of days of giving birth. Babies are very portable. Being stuck in a post partum hotel for 40 days sounds like a Biblical punishment.

It’s a very weird take @Testina to say women have children for “selfish” reasons. Children aren’t a luxury, private hobby. A society collapses without children constantly being born.

Why do you think the Chinese are sterilizing women in the Muslim community of the NorthWest? They want their culture and people to end. A quick and easy genocide when no babies are born.

@pointythings if you see YouTube videos about it women are free to come and go but can also rest as much as they want. Not every woman bounces back as quickly as you. It’s obviously not compulsory.