So desperately unhappy at work, but struggling to leave

[unhappyatworkkk]

I've been at my job for a year and a half, and I've been unhappy there since my first month but always pressed forward thinking it will get better. It's really affected my mental health, and I had to be signed off sick last year during which time I handed in my notice - but my manager and HR convinced me to stay and added some support in for me. It's still not got any better, my attendance is horrendous due to the sick leave and I'm panicking that I won't find anything else/no one will give me a job once they see my attendance.

I cry every week about work, sometimes multiple times. I have a manager who I find difficult to work with, they swing between being condescending and infantilising me to being overly critical.

I've tried to build a life outside of work, going on holidays and having fun weekend plans but it's not enough. It's so bad that I've had a health scare recently and had no fear about it, because I knew at least then I'd get time off work. I've applied for other jobs but my confidence is so low and my mental health so down in the dumps that it feels like an impossible feat

Sounds like you need to take some time off and get yourself in a better place!

What line of work do you do? Unless highly skilled or niche or you're massively overpaid there's always another job waiting! Never underestimate the power of a decent manager.

I literally left my hell hole of a job last week. I've no job yet but I was miserably, miserably unhappy to the point I was having panic attacks going in and just couldn't push past the dark cloud of regret i had for even accepting the job- it was supposed to be an amazing opportunity, but it was horrendous for me.

Im giving you a cyber cuddle because I know how it feels xx

Easier to get a new job when in a job so get cracking now! That way instead of explaining why you left the job, and glossing over the misery, you can say I'm only thinking of going because this job/opp/company seems fab and I want to work here/do this.

It can be hard to get going when you're feeling down, but being pro-active and knowing that this job is temporary will help.

I felt exactly like this last year. I spent about a year crying, lost my confidence, it was a toxic environment and then I took it all out on my family at home. I applied for other things and got lots of offer to interview, it really surprised me and gave me a real confidence boost.

I left towards the end of last year. They made me do 3 months notice period and tried to convince me to stay the whole time.

I am 6months into my new job and it is completely different, my confidence came back immediately. I leave work at work, it's probably a little easy for me and I took a small pay cut, it's not forever but I just remind myself that it's perfect for me right now.

Your job is not your life, even if you move on as a stepping stone, get out there, your mental health and personal life if worth more than your job. There is something better for you and your worth more! X

Can you afford to live without the paycheque while looking for your next job? If so, give notice immediately.

Your health & wellbeing comes first.

Love this!

I absolutely hate my job . Got offered another job tail end of last year but it was too far to travel each day . Need to seriously start looking again as I’m very unhappy and dread going in every day . I know there is a better job out there that deserves me a lot more. I just need to be brave and leave

Can you take some more sick leave in a chunk (I know you're worried about your record but if you can't do a good application you won't get a good job anyway) and use two or three days to pamper yourself and try to relax to get in a better frame of mind - nice bath, candles, read your favourite book, have a lie in etc. Try not to think about work at all. Then focus on what you want to do next and get applying. Toxic work environments destroy your confidence so if the worst comes to the worst and you can't take sick leave if you can afford it I'd quit and apply from that point. There's a labour shortage so as long as you're flexible on what you do you will easily find a new job.

I could have written this. Been in my job a year and looking seriously since January.

I would love to walk out but am trying to bide my time until I find something else. I was completely mis sold the role to the point it was intentionally deceptive. No point leaving the frying pan for the fire though.

I'm currently signed off work with stress. I feel miserable and unsupported. No direct line manager, training or support since I started, last June. I feel so resentful
I want to resign. But I can't afford to. Confidence is gone re applications for other roles too
I'm supposed to speak to my manager tomorrow lunchtime, and I'm already dreading it

To make things worse I'm at final stage for another role and I've got my gut screaming not to take it if offered. The job is essentially the job of two people, both in terms of skill set and volume. I'd love to do the higher end, but I can't do both. I'll get bogged down in the drudgy bits. Dang, I'm going to have to pull out aren't I. If I go to final stage and get an offer I'll be so tempted to take it to escape current job.

I wonder how the OP is getting on? @unhappyatworkkk

I'm in a very similar position.
My mental health has taken a nose dive over the last few weeks.
I've gone from being unhappy at work to being in a state of panic about it most days.

I've got an appointment with a mental health nurse at my GP surgery on Thursday.
The obvious thing is to take time off but the nature of my job means that everything will pile up and will be waiting for me when I get back so I feel having time off will cause me more anxiety.

I have got an interview for a new job next week. I'm hoping I can be robust enough to do a good interview.

It's so sad to see so many people hating their jobs.

This was me at the end of last year. Hated my job with the power of a thousand suns, cried in the shower. I reached out to some friends to see if any of them had any jobs at their place. Later that day I had one of their managers on the phone for an informal chat, they were very keen for me to apply. I started on Valentines day and I love it so far. I feel like I have my life back, I don't spend my free time panicking about work.

Glad there is hope @Oysterbabe

Now if only I had friends with opportunities at their workplaces...

I'm sorry to see all the people commenting with similar experiences, it's such a horrible experience to go through. It is comforting to know there are others out there going through a similar thing.

To give an update, a couple of weeks after posting this I handed in my notice. I don't know what came over me, I just woke up one morning and decided today was the day and heard the words coming out of my mouth to my manager before I could stop myself. I have a few more weeks left of my notice period and then I'll be out of there. I feel relieved and am already fantasying about the moment I hand over my work laptop and lanyard and walk out of the office for the last time.

I don't have another job lined up yet but this week I'm on annual leave and have 4 interviews. I'm hoping if the attendance issue does come up in a reference that my future employer will be understanding, but what's done is done. I can't go back and change my attendance, I was unwell and needed time off to recover.

Well done!!!

It's incredibly rare for this to be asked in a reference and even rarer for it to be given. I say this as someone with 20yrs in HR.

Most employers just do the tombstone now ie name, job title, dates employed. Even reason for leaving is becoming unusual

Good luck with the interviews.
I agree with pp that I don't expect the absences to cause you a problem.

Thanks @Oysterbabe . I've decided to go for my second stage, have told the recruiter I'd need to ask further about resource if offered as the job's too big for one. They have already mentioned getting someone else in but I'd want it confirmed.

May as well see how it goes!

Sorry am late to this thread, but I found it after Googling about how unhappy I am in my job.

Am currently on stress leave since November for all the same reasons listed here. Been in the role 5.5 years now. The sad thing is that the first 2-3 years were the happiest I've EVER been in 20-plus years of working - an interesting workplace, a BRILLIANT boss, fulfilling and rewarding tasks.

All that changed 2.5 years ago when my boss left unexpectedly. Her replacement just hasn't matched up and should never have got the post. She has since been promoted to a higher level but still manages me, and has hardly any time for her team to the point that key people are quitting and those who are left (me included) have one foot out the door.

(To be fair, it's not all her fault, the company has been through some big problems and changes over the last 3 years which haven't helped things).

I've spent the last year actively seeking new roles but haven't had any luck at interview (keep coming second or runner up, in the reserve list etc).

I've been in to check in with my boss and the HR boss a couple of times, but it's only made me feel more unhappy and the thought of going back fills me with absolute DREAD (it says much that I'm sitting doing this post at 3.30am!).

I know what I need to do, and am getting back into the job hunting again (which is SO draining, BTW...). I'm trying to do some counselling too to change my mindset.

I wish you all good luck anyway, and hope we all find what we need.