To not let him take the car

[Sunnydayz]

DP and I have a 7 month old DS together.
I’m on maternity leave. He is working full time.

He drives a big van, I drive a car. Both were bought before we got together and before DS was born.
As I’m not working and don’t need my car day to day, DP often drives it to work as it’s more convenient and fuel efficient.

I was planning to take the car and go to my friends house this afternoon. I told DP this morning.l (also mentioned at teatime yesterday.) He said he needed the car today, could I take my mums. (She is staying with us and we do sometimes share the cars like this.)
I said I’d rather take my car, why can’t he take the van.
He was a bit vague said I need to do some errands. I pushed and eventually he said he planned to finish work at 12 and drive an hour along to coast to go to a certain surf spot. He has gone here before and has to take the car because his van is too high to get into the car park.

I’m annoyed that he didn’t tell me this until pushed and have said no he can’t have my car today. I’ve been stroppy, said my ex lied to me loads about pointless shit. He’s apologised and is trying to make amends, but obviously still wants the car. I’ve sent him off to work in his van and told him to come home when he’s finished and we’ll see about the car.

He said he arranged the afternoon off yesterday which is feasible. Then he said it’s wasn’t his fault the jet ski was arranged last night (his friends sometimes take a jet ski on their sessions.) So story doesn’t totally add up.

I’m happy for him to get on the water. It’s good for his mental and physical health. It’s a passion of his and how we met. He is extremely proactive about getting me on the water. I’m annoyed he didn’t discuss it with me last night and worried about potentially lying about going to work, and doing something else instead.

He doesn’t drink or go out socialising, he doesn’t go to the gym. Apart from getting on the water, he’s likes to be at home, and will be at home every evening and days off that he isn’t on the water. He occasionally plays volleyball on a Wednesday evening and always text or call to ask if I mind before he tells the team he can play.

I’m a big softie so leaning towards letting him go.

YABU - let the man go surfing
YANBU - natural consequences

If your mum doesn’t mind her using your car then let him have it

But this seems like such a simple explanation that I am sure there is some sort of bigger deal here? Is it him lying to you about small things that’s actually bugging you?

my mum doesn’t mind.
it’s the lying. Had I not started a discussion about the car this morning he would have gone to work and then gone surfing and I think he would have come home and pretended that he was at work all day.

There is no way would I let him use the car. I bet he has gone off for a cheeky surf a few times. You shouldn't let off a partner when they've been deceptive as they need to be held to account and feel the consequences.

Would you of been arsey if he said he was going surfing in the first place

chances are nothing sinister just path of least resistance lied for an easy life (that backfired lol)

and we’ll see about the car

Is he a child or an adult? So you were expecting him to come home to get your 'final answer' I agree he shouldn't have lied to you, I'm not defending that. But treating him like a child like that and then questioning the validity or feasibility of his plans (unless there's a backstory of unfaithfulness) is bang out of order. What an exhausting life you'd have together if you have to weigh up the likelihood of everything he plans to do being true or not. Christ. I couldn't live like that for 40-60 years - sod that! I'd rather be alone

Whilst I don't condone lying, why on earth can’t a grown man go for a cheeky surf without his girlfriend's permission?!?! WTAF

Because his partner is stuck at home with a small baby while he's either a) not earning money or b) using his holiday allowance to go surfing/jet skiing when he's supposed to be at work.

That's pretty shit behaviour.

How is OP 'stuck at home?!' she has access to vehicles! Her Mum lives with them too so she's not alone and she has friends fgs. You've twisted the narrative there. Being married shouldn't mean that neither of them can go on occasional half days out to let their hair down without 'asking permission' 🙄 OP said she's going to see her friend that afternoon... Aside from the car aspect, How is OP deciding herself that she's going to see her friend for the afternoon, any different to her DH deciding to spend the afternoon with his?? Yes in this particular example the car issue is relevant but in response to your comment about him generally just going off for the afternoon being appalling behaviour, yet that's exactly what OP has decided to do! How is that any different? He works! He should be able to socialise. OP has the baby and also should be able to socialise.
OP is not above her DH in some kind of hierarchy.

Also, half a day here & there is not "using all his holiday" either 🙄

@SchoolTripDrama It isn't about asking permission. I wouldn't lend my car to my DH on this specific occasion if he lied about taking a half day to go surfing. Why lie? I wouldn't put myself out for someone that hid taking holiday time.

The foundation of a relationship is respect. You don't lie to people you respect.

Because she is looking after thief child @SchoolTripDrama

Duh

of course it’s not ok to lie to your partner about using annual leave to go have fun while they are home with a baby. It’s not that she’s locked at home, it’s that she’s solely responsible for the baby! I can’t tolerate lying either.

And not to mention using OPs car to do so without discussing it - he just assumed he could take it - rude!
It’s not about permission, either - it’s communication and being part of a parenting team