Would I be THAT parent if I said something to DD’s teacher?

[AmeliaEarhart]

DD is 10 and in y5. Her class are performing a play at a local theatre at the end of the month. Parts were decided about 4 weeks ago; DD was going to share a role with another child (there’s lots of this as there aren’t enough parts to go around. Other child was doing the majority, and DD was taking the part for one pivotal scene) and was very happy. Yesterday she came home in tears because the teacher had decided to give her a different, less pivotal part, and the other child will play her previous role throughout the play.

She’s very sensitive (cries easily) and we’re working on building her resilience. This isn’t a case of her being used to getting her own way all the time; she has a sibling with SN so is used to compromising. She just really wanted that part!

I know how teachers feel about parents complaining constantly, and I sympathise, but I also want to talk to DD’s teacher about this and at least find our why she switched the parts. Would this make me one of “those” parents?

No idea but do it anyway to find out the reasoning so you can explain tk you DD. Sorry x

*to your DD

I think if you are calm and ask for the rationale behind the decision then it’s absolutely fine

I'd ask why. Without the reason it does seem an unkind decision. (am a teacher).

Another child might have a planned absence the day of the play so your daughter is filling in for them and taking on their role?

You would not be unreasonable to ask why but you would be that parent if you complained.

No it doesn't, I think it's fine to ask
She was given a part she was looking forward to and it's now changed
I'd expect the teacher to explain why
Disappointment happens but an explanation would be good

I think if approached in the right way, you wouldn't be That Parent. You'd be reasonable to say that DD came home very upset having had her role reassigned and you were wondering why.
It may be that she just wasn't doing it well enough, or got too nervous. It may be that the other child's mother is a Tiger Mother who has insisted hers does it all.
You won't know if you don't ask.

Ask... your child deserves someone in her corner. And she deserves to understand why this child's needs are placed above her's. At the very least, the teacher might think differently about how she approches this in the future.

At her age I think I'd encourage her to ask the teacher, and explain to her that sometimes things in life will happen like this and help her deal with her feelings.

I'd ask the teacher in a calm measured way what had changed.

DD was going to share a role with another child (there’s lots of this as there aren’t enough parts to go around. Other child was doing the majority, and DD was taking the part for one pivotal scene)

I know you’ve said theres lots of this, but it seems a really odd decision (I’ve been teaching a long time!) and having a different actor turn up as a character for one scene sounds very confusing for the audience. Maybe the teacher realised this! No harm in having a chat and finding out the thinking though.

Thanks all! I will message the teacher and explain that DD is very upset, and that a clear explanation would help her accept her new role (at the moment she’s saying she doesn’t want to do the play anymore 🙄)

Other child’s mum is definitely not a Tiger Mum who pushed for this! She’s lovely and laid back. I am starting to worry that DD gets a bit overlooked at school, because she’s well behaved and amenable, while there are some definite tiger parents and also some “handfuls” in the class. I’ve been focussed on not making her teacher’s job any harder than it is already, but this time I’ll stick my neck out.

It’s a play with not many parts (most of them male) and 30 kids in a mixed class! I agree it’s not ideal for the audience, but sharing the big roles is fairest for the children. DS’s class did the same play a few years ago and the main parts were played by a different child in each scene. The focus is definitely on the children’s experience and not the audience (which will be just parents anyway).

I'd ask. She should have gathered all the children sharing roles and ask if anyone wanted their own role, rather than just deciding DD was going to be the one sacrificing her role.

Also, I don't think it matters that the parts are 'male'. We're way past that point, aren't we?

I thought so too @GoodChat. DD was sharing the (traditionally male) role with a boy, and now he’s doing the whole thing!

Oh even more reason to challenge it then!