To think I shouldn’t be this sensitive and easily upset?

[Sensitivity]

I feel like I’m such a sensitive person, that life feels so incredibly difficult and everything seems like a catastrophe. I don’t know if everyone feels like this though or if something is wrong with me.

I made the mistake of checking my work email this evening, to see an email from my manager on a piece of work I sent her. It had already been reviewed by someone senior so should have been minimal comments, if any. But instead she says it needs further work and she’s copied in the whole team to tell them we need to tell the client it’s going to be late. It’s my first project with this new team and I feel so embarrassed that this is the first piece of work of mine they’ve seen, and I’m making them miss a deadline. I’ve spent the rest of the evening in tears, thinking I need to hand in my notice and thinking of everyone who was copied into that email and what they’ll each be thinking.

I just feel so ashamed and down, and I feel like I cry about work at least once a week on a good week. I’m 28 and feel like I can’t cope with being an adult even though I’ve been one for 10 years

To be honest I'd feel exactly like that if my manager had copied in everyone telling them it was now going to be late. But try and back yourself a little. It was already reviewed by someone senior so this can't be on you. Especially it being your first one. Take some comfort that the senior person who reviewed it must have thought it was OK.

I think that was bad practice from your manager. She's handled it very badly.

There's often a lot of in-fighting behind the scenes so she may be trying to get back at the someone senior who was supervising you.

Don't take it personally. Put on your work mask. If she takes this approach a lot the rest of the team will sympathise with your position.

Don't hand in your notice. Remain professional. Consider your strategy regarding the someone senior and your manager.

I’ve been adulting for over 30 yrs.
I’m still faking it most days.

my motto is “I’ll faking it till I make it” 🤷‍♀️

on a serious note. Everyone you work with has been where you are. If you have a supervisor, ask them what you can do to fix the project.

((hugs from across the pond))

i have someone senior to me who does this. Picks out “mistakes” and mentions them in a group email or text group. It’s just embarrassing for them really but it has upset me in the past.

Wow. That is bad form from your manager. What a nasty piece of work. You are not being oversensitive.

I'm not in a professional role, so this may be terrible advice, but I'd be tempted to email back 'replying to all' informing everyone that 'xxxxxx senior manager' had looked at the work and okayed it, so please can they take it up with them if they want anything else doing with it.

I'd also take the manager aside and inform them that I don't appreciate the way they handled it.

This is a difficult one. I think the manager was wrong to do this. Does the Senior think it needs a rewrite? Do they believe a rewrite is needed so much it’s worth delaying? If not why does this manager think this?

They are wrong for copying in the whole team to your feedback. That should be a different conversation with the people who need to be included.

I don’t think you are being sensitive to be upset. But only you know if your response is disproportionate and how much it’s upset you.

It may not be that you are too sensitive and that you are upset by things that everyone else would be upset by. But that your emotions run away with themselves and turn each situation into worst case situation.

Or it could be that you are just like everyone else and your reaction is proportionate. But you are working with the, incorrect, view that’s it over the top.

Remember, you often don’t see people dealing with this situation in the privacy of their own home. You may see them dealing with things in a public way. But they may have been upset in private.

How unprofessional of your manager.

This wouldn't just make me upset this would make me mad.

I agree with PP about calling her on it in a polite, professional reply all.

Dear IdiotLineManager,

I was surprised by your feedback on the XX report. This was reviewed by SeniorManager before I sent it to you who approved the content.

I would greatly appreciate if you could outline your concerns directly so that we can complete any essential amendments quickly as a team.

Are there other things in your life that make you feel like this? It might be that the job/workplace is not right for you or is particularly nasty in dealing with things like this. If you took work away would you still feel like you are very sensitive?

Some people are Highly Sensitive People (HSP) which can mean emotions and empathy is heightened amongst other things. But there are things we can all do to build mental resilience in not letting as many things get to us, or not let them affect us quite so much. There are of course times in life that even the most resilient person would find themselves feeling a bit sensitive.

Oops hit send too early.

I would finish the email with a cheery passive aggressive sign off thanking them in advance for their support with this project. And cc the senior manager who checked it.

Also, yes you do need to toughen up. People in the work place are often twats. This one has shown their true colours early and you will know to be cautious. Play them at own game.

Finally - what's your workplace rules on emailing in the evening? It's really not hard to schedule emails to send only in work hours. If it continues something to mention to HR along with unnecessary cc'ing in of all your colleagues to a "telling off" email.

I’m not quite aligned with the other views on the manager . I think an explanation of this work needs required let’s inform on delay is fine, it’s not school, but a work place and I’m surprised by some of the answers, happens all the time in our workplace and we all just crack on. It won’t be the first time this has happened on a piece of work.

I also don’t think it’s ok to cry at work unless something very significant and rare, and to do it at least weekly is concerning and not good for everyone else either.

however does your manager know you cry at work so much, as if so, then the mail was thoughtless and they should have given attention to your circumstances and handled it better.

so I think understanding why you cry at work so much is key and also seeking support. Does your employer provide any sort of counselling service who can work with you?

If it’s any consolation, I recently had to listen to someone completely destroy an application I had made for another role without them realising it was mine. I’m still not over how awful that was! I had to email them after the event because I was far too embarrassed to say anything in front of others at the time. I cried A LOT when they phoned me to discuss.

At work to move things forward with pace it's important to focus on the work product not the person. Ideas and work products can be discussed and challenged and debated, it doesn't link to the person creating them, try and unlink yourself.

Given you said someone senior had already reviewed it's likely that it did need a wider discussion as it might be that you aren't all on the same page as your manager. Having to go through lots of separate conversations can be time consuming and cause more problems as then people can get different take always/discussions/directions.

Best thing to do in your career is ask for regular feedback and check in, then you will be able to understand if there are any issues personally and deal with them if there are.

I'm trying to update the work but a lot of the feedback is over my head. I only joined this project last week and I don't have the knowledge/oversight to really know what I'm doing. I feel so down and out of my depth

I don't cry at work, I work from home so I cry in the privacy of my home lol.

Ask yourself if this will matter in five years?

Also, if a friend had told you this what would you say to them? Well, that's what you should be saying to yourself.

You are being oversensitive, however cc'ing the team seems overkill unless it directly affects them so you're allowed to be slightly annoyed.