Albu to not want my stepson

[Familyiness]

To bring my daughters ex, who she doesn't want to see to my house, for him to be stood outside. This lad hurt my daughter, used her and her step brother decided to side with this lad, which has very rightly hurt my daughter.
I'm sure the only reason he has bought him round is to upset my daughter.
Aibu here, just for context she is 17 but has complex learning disabilities, and struggles with emotions, currently waiting on autism assessments. So I do feel like I need to protect her more

It’s his home too and he is as entitled to have friends as she is. Unless he’s done something objectively wrong (people, especially teens, get hurt even when no one was actually in the wrong) then it’s not reasonable to exclude him.

Would you ban your DD’s friends if SS dated and then broke up with them? If DD were still dating this boy and SS fell out with him, would you ban him?

Your not being Unreasonable your house you decide who comes in

Expecting a vulnerable person to just suck it up is unfair

Definitely not being unreasonable. Nobody should feel awkward in their own home and if he's done something to make your daughter awkward around him or upset, he shouldn't be allowed.

SS can still hang out with him, but he shouldn't be allowed in your home and your partner should also agree with this boundary.

Even if all he did was dump her, I couldn't imagine my brother thinking it was ok to befriend my ex and invite him into my safe soave.

Yanbu x

Absolutely this.

Not bringing his friend round is no more than a minor inconvenience for DSS whereas having him there is actually upsetting for DD so her feelings trump his.

Yanbu!

Your top priority has to be to make your daughter feel safe in her own home. Your stepson's friend can fuck off.

Thank you. Everyone. It was precisely what I thought too.
I had to stop her big brother from going out there.
SS has done this purposely, knowing she doesn't want to see him. He has become very vindictive towards my dd lately. Accusing her of apparently ringing Social services on him, for smoking weed which she hasn't and because his dad didn't agree with him, he was vile to him.