To think that unhappy people can really drag others down with them?

[CallCollect]

This is something I've very much experienced and observed. I've got a few close relatives/former friends like this - they seem unhappy in themselves and really try and drag other people down to their level.

They tend to target others who themselves lack confidence and try and keep these people 'in their place' iyswim. They don't like it when these people in some way 'better themselves' e.g. if they lose weight. get fit, get a new relationship etc.

These people are real drains

YANBU. We’re too obsessed with ‘mental health’ and introspection and it’s turned people into humourless emotional vampires.

Ironically the people loving the ‘know your worth, don’t let other people steal your sparkle’ quotes on Insta are the worst for it.

Yes and no. I've know unhappy people who were thoughtful and never burdened anyone and I've known people who had so much going for them but they were just so negative and miserable even though their lives are objectively good.

and this is often why those with depression etc go AWOL during an episode as we don’t want to put our misery on others.

Met one at the weekend at a party. We have just made a very big and very exciting life decision, everybody has been very positive and encouraging but this person was all gloom and doom about it and couldn't find a single nice thing to say.

OH knows me we'll enough to be quite relieved that I didn't just tell her to fuck off. I just grinned and walked away.

I agree. I know a few and try as much as I can not to get sucked into their mood. All their lives no change from: Everything is negative, always moaning, an edge of anger. It's exhausting being in their company. They don't benefit from our encounters and I certainly don't. Can't stand people like that and dread seeing them.

My mother is having a tough time going through divorce and having just lost her mother. All she talks about is herself.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and she asked me yesterday, so have you been sick at all? I was really unwell earlier in this pregnancy but she didn't even notice because all we talk about is her problems. It can be tough but I hope that this phase will pass.

In my experience of spending years trying to 'rescue' my alcoholic, destructive partner (after spending my childhood trying the 'rescue' and care for my alcoholic, mentally ill parents), and ending up more severely alcoholic and mentlaly ill myself...it's a resounding YES from me.

But also, like attracts like. If I hadn't been struggling with mental illness and addiction, I would probably not have moved in with that man in the first place. We were both walking red flags.

I often think that innocuous sounding old sayings actually contain very deep layers of wisdom and the old saying ' misery loves company' is a great example of that.

People like this are best avoided OP

Yes, stay away from them as much as you can. They're a fact of life, like rain, but you can go out, get drenched, and complain, or you can get an umbrella. We're all responsible for ourselves, so others can be as miserable as they want; we decide how much to let it get us down.

YANBU

I have this problem as we speak and it's awful.

What a nasty thing to think about someone. Didn't you have enough congratulations from everyone else?

@Redebs

What nasty thing did I think?

They were all doom and gloom and had nothing nice to say. That's factual (and sort of the point of the OP).

I know a few like this. If you say you are going to France on holiday they say “ oh are you? Hmmm that wouldn’t be for me … what about the snails being too chewy or the baguettes containing gluten- oh no wouldn’t catch me going there.” Or a new job/ promotion will be met with “ well you’re brave! Are you sure you want to do it?” It’s horrible because it’s raining on your parade and really makes you feel badly. The same said people love to tell you how Ill / tired you look too. Under the guise of concern.

Absolutely!! I hate people like this

Yes, although equally it can be pretty exhaustinh if you have issues that make life, never mind happiness a struggle and you have to walk on eggshells in case you ruin someone's vibes.

Life is give and take, I suppose

God totally.

A surprising number of people are like this. I have had long friendships with people like this.

It’s surprisingly hard to spot too because unless you are super comfortable with yourself the line between constructive criticism and negging can be quite thin. Particularly in female friendships.

I work with a number of people with very poor mental health, which I can usually cope with, support them and sometimes filter out. But every now and then, it's too much and I need to take a breather from them. They seem unaware or unconcerned about the impact they can have on others.

Yes yes yes!