To wonder where the inclusion/equality is for people with learning disabilities?

[AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman]

Or if you prefer, people with academic disabilities.

For full disclosure I have a secondary-aged DC who was initially diagnosed with global developmental delay. This was upgraded to ‘academic/learning disability’ when DC failed to catch up by the age of 5.

Mainstream school isn’t equipped to support inclusion for DC who can’t more or less keep up with the curriculum at the pace of the rest.

Specialist placements mean mixing only with other families of DC with learning disabilities.

Hobbies and clubs are difficult unless specially for DC with learning disabilities so again no mixing outside of that limited circle.

Support groups are usually targeted at Downs Syndrome or ASD etc so no welcome there.

Those with physical disabilities eg wheelchair users, those with CP, those who are Deaf regularly make a point like this: ‘I’m in a wheelchair/Deaf/etc, I don’t have a learning disability, so don’t talk to me as if I were stupid.’ All very well but where is the solidarity for DC like mine? Is it ok to talk to them as if they’re stupid because they do have a learning disability?

Even those with ASD, who make up a sizeable proportion of my DC’s peers at the specialist placement, are keen to point out that it’s any learning disability, not ASD, that is really disabling, again taking care to distance themselves from any solidarity with those like my DC.

AIBU to wonder what is left for us?

He has a learning disability

Is this limited to his academics? Ie no behavioural etc issues?

I don’t understand what you want

does he get no additional learning support at his school whatsoever?

I'm sorry OP - it sounds extremely frustrating and isolating for your DC and you.

💐

Thanks for understanding @SignOnTheWindow - it is very isolating

What about something like scouts? I would hope they are inclusive of all abilities

I worry about the discrimination/inclusion of learning disabled adults. We have a lady to comes regularly to an activity we do. We have no contact with her family. She has significant communication difficulties. I feel uneasy about our responsibility to her.

It's not easy.

A friend's adult DC are significantly disabled and will never live independently, but there is no visible sign of this. It makes them extra vulnerable, and has caused their mum some difficulty with misunderstandings when out and about.

My son has LD and is autistic, he attended special school which was a huge leap for me as morally I believe that inclusion should be standard on education. However it was (rightly) pointed out to me that my principles should not mean that DS was left in a situation which made him vulnerable.

Attending special school meant that for the first time he could be himself without fear of bullying or isolation. He made friends and progress because of the capacity to personalise the teaching to his needs. Yes he had friends who also have learning disabilities (some of whom can be challenging because of their own issues) but he also does / has done park run, canoeing, paddleboard, karate etc with mainstream groups and enjoys them too.

It sounds like you haven’t found the right provision yet, keep going and ask other people for their recommendations. I get that it’s frustrating and obviously every area is different but it can get better, if what you want isn’t immediately obvious, make it happen. Do a bit of social engineering.

My son has severe asd and severe learning difficulties but he's always been accepted at any club or activity he's wanted to try so i don't really understand what your asking 🤷‍♀️

I understand. My 9 year old has moderate learning difficulties. I think it's less common to have learning difficulties without asd, downs syndrome, or physical disability etc as well. We go to a lot of general special needs support groups but the majority of the children there have either autism or mental health issues. As the learning gap widens between ds and other children his age it gets harder.

Because not all clubs are accessible? I've left clubs because whilst they do welcome me, they're not been that accessible

Thanks for understanding @elliejjtiny

It does sound an isolating experience. I dont know much about learning disabilities- what sort of things would make a club more accessible for you. Is it something you could talk to the people running a club about.

Recommend horse riding for the disabled

Can I ask out of interest - how do his difficulties impact his life?

You say academic or learning difficulties? Does that mean he picks up other usual social cues? would be able to drive a car for instance? Enjoys the same movies as peers his age but literally isn't quite as 'clever' for want a better word?

Apologies if this sounds ignorant or offensive. Genuinely tried to word it in the right way but just interested to see how this affects his ability to live a normal life

Ditto with mine and adhd

so wanting to know where OP’s son has been excluded or alienated from

Thanks for the recommendations. Not being funny @Swimmingagainstthewide, really, but if DC is already struggling with a learning disability, is risking a blow to the head a great plan? Imagine would also be at more risk than the average rider of falling off as balance and poor core strength are issues. Apart from that it honestly sounds like a great idea. Assume it’s very expensive.

From what I understand, provision is patchy.

Some areas have great options, with inclusive 'mainstream' clubs as well as more specialist support activities. Other areas have neither.

Time and £ are necessary, as well as skills at including people with additional needs.

It's not right that it's this way.

I understand OP. I have three DC with ASD, but only one has associated learning disabilities. He went to mainstream primary but is now in a special school. He has no behavioural difficulties, and doesn’t have a peer group. He has no friends as the people he would gravitate towards are typically neurotypical but a couple of years younger than him. I found the Alliance for Inclusive Education helpful in the past -www.allfie.org.uk/

The DDA is there to support you if clubs, schools, colleges are not accessible to your DS. It usually involves battling with those in authority who run them and, as parents of children with SN, we learn to pick our battles because we're usually exhausted from parenting our DCs.

If there is a particular club your son would like to attend, or you feel he would enjoy, speak to the organisers. Stress his strengths (for example, he may be very good at obeying rules). Maybe you could observe a session with a view to seeing any potential glitches, then discussing ways round them?

Ds2 has ASD, SLD & is non-verbal. There was a youth group for young people with LD locally, where alternate weeks they played basketball, which DS particularly enjoyed. The organisers were aghast early on when he weed on the floor (understandably). I was surprised as it wasn't a usual behaviour for him. I realised that the venue's toilets had "Ladies" and "Gentleman" written on the respective doors in cursive script - no pictures. DS couldn't read. I did suggest that they put the usual pictograms for gents' & ladies' toilets, but was told to bring them myself for when DS was there 😮. Not much understanding of disability there. Once I'd shown DS where he could wee, it was no longer a problem for him, but I did wonder about future attendees.

So many of the after school clubs scouts guides will be run by volunteers and it is hard to get enough people to keep the required ratio of adults to youngsters. Some DC's may need extra adult help and usual the adult will need training - it would be lovely to be inclusive but not easy.
Hope you find somewhere soon

@RollerGirl7 thanks- your questions are quite useful from an illustrative point of view. As @elliejjtiny said, a diagnosis of ‘just’ learning difficulties/learning disability seems to be quite rare, so either people are defining themselves against it (‘I’m a bit unsteady on my feet not hard of understanding!) or they just don’t understand what it might mean.

I think formally a learning disability relates to a very low IQ - under 70 for mild? Under 50 for severe? - but merely defining against IQ has fallen out of fashion. In our case it means DC has delayed development in all areas- communication and learning, fine and gross motor skills, personal social and emotional development. So in that sense Global developmental delay as a descriptor was quite intuitive. Interests and abilities are those of a much younger child. Maybe 5-6 year old?

Can’t really imagine DC ever driving, that’s so complicated and requires processing so much information so quickly. Living independently is a huge question mark.

Incidentally, when mainstream schools talk about equality, diversity and inclusion, I find they are not really talking about children with learning disabilities as it’s not a ‘fashionable’ (for want of a better word) cause.

A rider who might be at risk of falling off their horse would have people on either side of them, moving with the horse in a RDA facility.

No @zen1 its not fashionable. It’s not ‘inspiring’. Do you remember the former rower who competed on strictly a few years ago. He had a brain injury following a stroke that affected his ability to learn new things. He didn’t get celebrated for being an inspiring example of how to adapt dance to his needs. He just got voted off at the first opportunity.

Thanks for understand. I’ll look up the link. What you describe about friendships is very familiar.