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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to see DN?

9 replies

NeedSomeAdvice2023 · 01/03/2023 09:11

Background: DN is in her mid 20s, up to two years ago she lived with PILs. Rest of the family has been NC with DN mother for four years as she's narcissistic and takes it out on the children in the family.

DN decided to move back in with her mother, all was fine. DN said she'd still see elderly PILs and rest of family.
DNs behaviour instantly changed after moving, she stole from PILs using their debit card to buy things online, she'd regularly phone and text PILs and other family members giving them abuse (we believe her mother was sat next to her telling her what to write as it's her type of wording if that makes sense). She had a strop when nobody sent her any birthday money. Accuses family members of lying about really simple things and makes huge dramas despite lying about most things herself.
She falls out with everyone for a few months and then pops back up acting like nothing has happened and it's really stressed everyone out. There's a lot more but I don't want to be outted.
She's popped up again expecting to come see everyone and to everyone to forget about her past behaviour.

AIBU to say I don't want to see her as no doubt in a few weeks down the line they'll all fall out again?
I really can't be bothered with this, never know where we stand with her, I also believe it's not fair on the children as they're getting upset as one minute all is fine then they're confused why she's dropped off the face of the earth (saying she's working isn't fooling them) or am I being unreasonable as she's my niece and I should be the bigger person?

I just need some perspective please.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 01/03/2023 09:16

Don’t mistake trying to be the bigger person f

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/03/2023 09:18

Sorry. Don’t mistake being the bigger person for being a doormat. She sounds very troubled/bad news. She can’t duck in and out when it suits her and sod the impact on everyone else. She’s a woman in her 20s fgs. YANBU for stepping back completely and having nothing to do with her till she’s sorted her shit out.

What have PIL done about the thieving?!

Holly60 · 01/03/2023 09:19

As she is in her mid 20s then YANBU. You could compromise by saying you or DH will see her but I wouldn't encourage your children to have a relationship with her.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 01/03/2023 09:22

I totally understand why you want to distance yourself, the ongoing drama would be exhausting.

stripedsox · 01/03/2023 09:24

I wouldn't pander to the drama tbh, no contact with her either.

NeedSomeAdvice2023 · 01/03/2023 09:30

PILs managed to get some money back off her but have written the rest off as they know it's unlikely they'll ever get it back.
Thanks for the replies, the drama of it all is extremely exhausting and I'm very fed up of it all. My family never behave like this so it's stressful coming from a "normal" family to deal with this sort of behaviour. I think I'm going to stick to my guns and just not see her or tell PILS until I know her behaviour has actually changed for good then I don't want to know which I know will upset them but I don't want to reward her bad behaviour if that makes sense.

OP posts:
ChippyTea16 · 01/03/2023 09:31

YANBU, life’s too short for this shit. Leave her to it

Sistanotcista · 01/03/2023 09:37

Agree with posters who say life is too short for that sort of nonsense. And there doesn't even have to be a drama around not seeing her - you don't have to have the conversation about why you've made this decision (unless you choose to) - you can just be unavoidably "busy" on any occasion that she tries to set something up.

Lunar2020 · 01/03/2023 14:51

AIBU - Instagram Comment by partner

Please help me out here, I need some perspective. My partner has liked this post on Instagram and the top comment is from him. Is this okay or not?

I’m being told it’s no big deal and I should be okay with it. Second time this has happened. We spoke about it the first time (which I accepted as a misjudgment) and he is aware how s**t this kind of thing makes me feel. He says he’s misjudged again and it’s only these two occurrences.

Also how would you interpret the comments meaning?

YANBU - this is not okay

YABU - this is fine

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