I hate my life right now

[Fedup2311]

I don’t know if I’m in the middle of a nervous breakdown or just little small annoyances get to he but u can’t cope right now.

My biggest source of frustration is my job and my young kids. I left a full time job a year ago due to stress and my employers were very understanding, I’ve been doing supply for a year now and honestly it’s not any better. I feel so frustrated as I’ve got a 3 week placement at the same school so felt I could relax and blocked out my diary for other agency I use. Yesterday I got 4 calls from this rival agency asking if I’m definitely unavailable, I said yes and he’s been pestering me with interviews and trial days, I politely explained I’m unavailable and will be free after 3 weeks but latest message is “I understand you’re commitment but can you ask your agency / school if you can have this Friday off for a trial”. I’m feeling so overwhelmed! I’m sat here not sleeping and thinking how to respond! The funny thing is this agency has very rarely called me but as soon as I said I’m booked for next few weeks I’m getting endless calls!

my second stress is my kids, aged - 4 and 6. They constantly fight, I’m sick of it. I had an image in my mind of being the perfect mother and doing supply which would mean more energy and time for my kids, this hasn’t happened. I’m constantly exhausted and on edge. I feel like life’s not worth living. The agency guy is putting so much pressure on me. This could be a really easy 3 weeks as I know where I’m going and the kids and school is so lovely that it doesn’t feel like work!

Omg! I’m so sorry about all the typos! I’m using my phone.

How old are you?

I think there's more going on than you realise. Yes, it's annoying to get requests like that but it's not normal to be thatvuptight about it. What's stopping you from being a bit more assertive and telling him (not ask) not to keep calling you. Or just don't answer, he'll get the message.
Do you find it difficult to be assertive? If so that's going to impact on so many areas of your life. As for your children, it's not unusual for siblings to bicker and squabble. Could your tolerance levels be low due to stress?
You must be doing something right. Your current employer wants to keep you longer and the others want you too. You're in demand. They'll be work for you if you need it. Don't worry about passing some agency off. They wouldn't think twice about dropping you. Just remain professional.
Good luck

Thank you both. Yes I do find it hard to be assertive. I think that’s the issue. I’m 35.

I’m feeling a little better now having got into work and the routine. Thank you for your responses. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me

Do you know what I’d stop responding to that guy at the agency. You’ve told him you’re not free - that’s it, end of. Stop entering into discussion with him! Just leave him to talk to himself.

The kids - I think you’ve got tough ages on your hands and most working parents of 2 young kids feel the same. Do you have any family support near who can help you get some headspace? Xxx

Sounds like you're overwhelmed and things you might usually be able to manage are cumulatively tipping you over the edge. I know that feeling, it will pass but try and take steps that will make you feel a little more in control and you should start to feel better. Can you ask your partner to give you a couple of hours to yourself this weekend? Organise to see a friend? Just to have a mental break. If the agency guy tries to call again I'd say you've made it clear you're not available until X date and if he calls again about anything during the next couple of weeks you won't stick with the agency (even if this is an empty threat, he won't be calling again if you say that!). Email after any call if that's easier than on the phone.

It can feel better quite quickly if you get a sense of having some influence over things!

I would reply saying ‘as I said before, unfortunately I am not free on Friday. It’s important to me not to let people down when I’ve made a commitment. I understand this means I may miss out on the job that needs someone on Friday but sometimes it goes like that with agency work. I will be available from X. Thank you for your understanding.’

if he pushes it, I’d say ‘you wouldn’t be impressed if I cancelled a shift with you to work somewhere else so please don’t ask me to do it for you’.

Thank you all. No I have no support at all. Husband is never around as he works long hours. Most of my friendships have fizzled out as I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with anything or make plans. I really thought leaving my last job and doing supple would be a game changer but in reality I’m exactly , if not worse mentally.

Hi there, I really feel for you. This has just reminded me of a time when I was around your age. I was completely stressed and overwhelmed. Small things felt like mountains, I was absolutely ill with anxiety.

My advice would be to see your doctor, who may prescribe meds (which take a few weeks to kick in but really work) - and also find a good cbt practitioner.

I found an amazing private psychotherapist.

Find a way to take some time to work on yourself because you’re worth it

It’s v hard without any support - I’m not surprised you feel at the end of your tether! You’re under no obligation to respond to other people who don’t respect your boundaries. I’m a bit cut throat but if the agency guy didn’t stop I would say if you continue to ignore what I have said I’ll no longer be working with you. Put yourself first and F em! Your kids however you can’t be quite as ruthless but I expect with less work stress you’d find that more manageable xxx