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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in law and social media

42 replies

Minimum2022 · 01/03/2023 02:16

yes I post pictures of my baby to my social media, but I have a private account and am very specific about who follows me… so only people i want are seeing those picture, and I am in full control of the narrative of those pictures. However my MIL has been taking almost every picture I send her privately through WhatsApp of the baby and posting it to her social media.. usually with a false narrative as a caption or sharing information about the baby that I never intended on sharing with people I know, let alone her followers that I do not know. If she had ever thought to ask, I would have said, please don’t do it.. the odd photo of her with the baby sure! But not all of them and not all the information, including letting people know that he’s kept me up all night or that I’ve struggled with feeding him. To then make things worse she’s constantly telling me how her friends DIL is such a b*tch because she makes her friend ask for permission before posting pictures of her GC on social media… Am I being unreasonable that I think she should run it by me??

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 01/03/2023 02:22

Have you spoken to her about it? Givien what she said about her friend's DIL it would have been an ideal opportunity to say ..... 'well actually, I agree with the DIL'

Perhaps she is unaware that you have a private account and thinks if you 'share' the photos on what's app - then she can do as she likes with them.

The other option is to stop sending her photographs

soleilblue · 01/03/2023 02:22

She shouldn't be allowed unsupervised access to your child. Don't send her any more photos.

Magenta82 · 01/03/2023 02:47

I would stop sending photos and tell her why.

Redglitter · 01/03/2023 02:55

To be fair to her though by the sound of it you've never asked/told her not to post them.

If youre posting to SM & sending her photos then she's probably assuming you're OK with it.

I think before you stop sending her photos you should speak to her, tell her you don't want her to post them.

Kinneddar · 01/03/2023 03:00

She shouldn't be allowed unsupervised access to your child

For heavens sake that's an over reaction. Stop any unsupervised access because she's sharing photos the OP has sent her? Shes not posting photos the OP hasnt seen nor is she going against OPs wishes. That's quite a leap

WeDoNotTalktoPennilynLott · 01/03/2023 03:07

soleilblue · 01/03/2023 02:22

She shouldn't be allowed unsupervised access to your child. Don't send her any more photos.

Is this real? I can't tell if you're joking. This must be a joke though, this can't be a serious solution to a GM posting a photo of her GC on social media

greenspaces4peace · 01/03/2023 03:13

just discuss your preference for privacy.
ask her politely to limit the photo's.

JudgeRudy · 01/03/2023 03:17

YABU...she's doing something you don't like and you've done nothing but silently stew. She even mentioned someone who has to seek permission to share and you said....nothing.
As far as she's concerned it's not sn issue. I don't think she should run it by you (or her son). I think yhe onus is on you to tell her.

CandyflossABC · 01/03/2023 03:48

Didn’t want to read and run…. I have been there. My MIL “broke the news” of my DCs birth on FB on her page before I had had the chance to tell some of my own friends and family. She did it with a picture sent by my DH which was only intended for her via WhatsApp.

Looking back on it now I can see it came from a place of love, excitement and wanting some of the attention on her. First grandchild, very proud and wanted to show off baby to all her friends. Some understanding of your MILs actions, whilst not condoning or agreeing with them may make you feel a little less angry at her.

That said she is over stepping and you need to in force boundaries. Can DH help you with the conversation- if you have a very little baby which it sounds like you do, you will have enough on your plate to deal with. If not I think a conversation about how much you appreciate her interest, love and support is needed, how much you love whatsapping her pictures to involve her but she needs to not post on social media or check with you first or limit the pictures to her interactions with baby.

If that feels like too much stop sending her pictures.

Ultimately this is your and DHs baby. She has had her time. You want to be a strong role model for your child as they grow up. You will need to advocate for them and you can start that now. She has no right to discuss your feeding issues, sleep pattern etc in public and you have every right to tell her to stop.

Tourmalines · 01/03/2023 03:53

soleilblue · 01/03/2023 02:22

She shouldn't be allowed unsupervised access to your child. Don't send her any more photos.

Pull your head in . That’s ridiculous.

Sugarfree23 · 01/03/2023 04:36

Talk to her, agree with the friends DIL. Point out that your baby might not want people being able to access their photos in 20 years time once they are out there it's not easy to get that privacy back.

I actually think older people can be very nieve when it comes to social media.

Point out the dangers of over sharing too.

junebirthdaygirl · 01/03/2023 05:36

Focus on the dangers. Give her all sorts of horror stories of wierdos looking at photos of children online. So not about her being a bad grandma but about all the bad people in the world.

Donnashair · 01/03/2023 05:40

How does her son, the child’s father, feel about it?

cauliflournonsense · 01/03/2023 07:06

OP, there's no such thing as a 'private Facebook'. If any of your friends 'like' a picture, there's the potential for their friends to then also see it. So it's not as private as you think.

SnackSizeRaisin · 01/03/2023 07:12

Facebook isn't private. I would stop putting any pictures up and ask mil not to either. Educate yourself on how Facebook works and explain it to mil. Ask her not to share details about the baby but tell her she's welcome to share photos with her friends in person but not via the internet. Any reasonable person would understand.
For yourself if you want to share photos, restrict it to a handful of very close friends and do it via WhatsApp or a Google album.

SnackSizeRaisin · 01/03/2023 07:17

cauliflournonsense · 01/03/2023 07:06

OP, there's no such thing as a 'private Facebook'. If any of your friends 'like' a picture, there's the potential for their friends to then also see it. So it's not as private as you think.

Exactly this. Unless all your friends have tight privacy settings now and always, photos may be visible. Teenagers are much better at finding these weak links than elderly people. When your baby is 13 and in high school his friends will be able to find those baby photos, plus associated comments about breastfeeding, bed wetting, tantrums, and whatever other private content is up there.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 01/03/2023 07:18

I think you need to have a conversation with her about privacy and probably need to limit what you tell her. If you were a bitch about it you could share pictures of your mil with little captions about how the varicose vains are giving her jip again, shoe is on the other foot and all that!

Undermyumberellaellaella · 01/03/2023 07:24

I think you need to actually speak to her about it. If you're putting stuff on Facebook, however private you think it is it isn't, she probably doesn't see why she can't.

I doubt she's doing anything to be a bitch about it if she doesn't know you're annoyed.

FFF3 · 01/03/2023 07:30

I’d educate yourself about Facebook first. It’s not private regardless of your settings, and you don’t own the data you put on there.

Testina · 01/03/2023 07:32

Yet another MIL who gets their grandchild photo through their DIL and not their son 🙄

Apologies for the emoji if he’s on deployment with the army.

follyfoot37 · 01/03/2023 07:42

Don't send her pictures and block her on SM so she cannot access pictures of your child.
It isn't that difficult

WineIsMyMainVice · 01/03/2023 07:49

greenspaces4peace · 01/03/2023 03:13

just discuss your preference for privacy.
ask her politely to limit the photo's.

This.
And/or talk to her about her privacy settings. You could ask to see or help her ensure that her account is locked. If she’s anything like my DM or MIL she’ll only have a handful of friends anyway 😂

soleilblue · 01/03/2023 07:50

Testina · 01/03/2023 07:32

Yet another MIL who gets their grandchild photo through their DIL and not their son 🙄

Apologies for the emoji if he’s on deployment with the army.

Or an oil rig
Or Antarctica

Mrsjayy · 01/03/2023 07:52

I mean you could ask her not to or just don't send her pictures every day, she can see them on your Sm like the rest of your friends,

Redebs · 01/03/2023 07:52

You can sent WhatsApp photos to be viewed once, so it stops them being shared

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