Not sure where to start or if this is the right place. But just need some opinions and advice please.
im a disabled mum of 3 children 12, 7 (also disabled) and 7 months. love my children they are my world. I’m my disabled daughters carer aswell as being disabled myself currently on mat leave but unable to return due to a childcare breakdown.
my partner works 9-5 Monday- Friday. Occasional weekends his own work.
id do anything for my babies but I can’t help but resent how much my life is 100% revolves around children and being a carer whilst my partners life has not changed in the slightest. Apart from a few nights a week bathing the baby and dropping the older 2 to breakfast club as I’m unable to drive due to medical condition at the moment- he absolutely resents this and throws my lack of driving in my face regularly…. Despite me doing 99% of everything else to do with children, household etc.
I feel overwhelmed a little exhausted and completely lost who I am. Going to 3 children has really made me a shadow of who I used to be. I hate admitting that as I love our new baby so much I can’t describe how much he’s brought to my life and his older sisters. Perhaps it’s the age gap I’m not sure 7 years doesn’t seem like much but I’m finding it hard.
I feel everything falls on me if it’s not done then it comes back on me.
school- washing uniforms making sure everything is ready washed ready to go, trips I have to organise and pay for that, lunches I have to sort everything to do with school you can think of I sort.
food- meal planning that’s me- even if I ask any ideas for tea next week he just shrugs, anything you need from shopping next week I get a shrug… but then day it comes it’s did you order my deodorant “no you’ve got 3 in the drawer” hell then reply “why didn’t you check they are empty”, dinners that’s me 7 days a week for them to critique it whilst I’ve slaved at it for hours, I do seperate dinners every night as disabled daughter only can eat certain foods (asd), once dinners eaten plate dumped on side not scraped no offer to wash up- actually no tell a lie he’ll offer if I look peed off. Give him his due he’ll bath the baby after dinner if he’s made a mess, whilst I literally fix the carnage that’s happened. Before baby he would sit on the sofa playing on his phone whilst I’m hoovering and cleaning up around him.
jobs- it’s automatically assumed my job isn’t important, before mat leave if disabled daughter was having a melt down I’d have to leave work, kids unwell I’d have to leave work early. If I so much as suggested him he’ll start saying his job pays more. Technically my career job would have paid more if I didn’t have to give it up. Hours at work mine had to be cut.
the other day the girls were arguing I was washing up. He was say on a dining chair in the middle of room playing FIFA I asked him if he could deal with them please, he then shouts at me “what do you want me to do about it?” I said I don’t know maybe some parenting.
every night I’m going to bed at 1-1:30 whilst he’s asleep on the sofa by 7pm. My evening is cleaning, laying with our daughter for hours settling her, making lunches, cleaning baby bottles getting everything done for the next day. If he’s not asleep which is rare he’ll then only move from where he’s been sat for hours when he hears me me move upstairs coming down.
on the weekend we had a rare night with our eldest and she wanted me to take her shopping as her auntie had other daughter over night. We had a meal he done nothing but pick at her moan about coming round with us. To be honest he wasn’t invited she wanted just a night on her own with mum.
on the Sunday we popped out to get bits for a school project it was lovely eldest daughter saying how much of a lovely weekend she’d had with us. We popped to a coffee shop to get lunch and because I wanted to sit at the table in the corner not in the middle of the walkway with the pram for bubba in everyone’s way. He literally started picking at me and this went on for a good 20 minutes under his breathe. Bubba woke up he moaned about having to get a Highchair for him, he snapped at me for being in pain “everyone’s in pain babe aren’t we” all sarcastic I had to have an emergency brain scan on the Tuesday as they thought I’d had a stroke. I really had to fight back tears in there.
I feel overwhelmed like I really need a break I’ve tried to explain this so many times and he tells me to either F-off to my mums house for the weekend (his actual words) or I go get a job. I said I just need an hour that’s all and he went you had an hour on Tuesday when you had a bath and washed your hair. Because I said I need a little break he’s now quit football which was once a week all because on the Sunday they were spending the day in the pub because the match was cancelled this was the day before they think I may of had the seizure leading them to believe stroke and I was feeling unwell so asked if he could either not go or perhaps go for an hour and take the baby (other wives of the players and kids go we have our own function room there) Instead he quit and now has thrown that at me. I’ve never had an issue with him going anywhere ever, despite me needing a break I just suck it up.
he’s now been distant and offish with me me for a week only was nice to me on Tuesday last week when I went for scan. Now it’s back to being offish. I’ve asked what wrong and he says nothing is wrong but I can tell something isn’t right.
im not perfect but I genuinely don’t know what I’ve done wrong. Last night in bed I said night and usually he’d cuddle up with me last night he just went night and rolled over. Something is off
I just feel fed up like I’m just here for cooking, cleaning, caring etc. I’m constantly telling him how proud I am of how hard he works and that we really appreciate how hard he works for the family.
I feel like I get little in return.
im sorry it’s so long xx