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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Probably am but - to be annoyed DH has FBed someone to tell them he used to fancy them?

18 replies

LadyOfWaffle · 10/02/2008 11:18

It wasn't just that, he did say "hello, how are you" etc. but then randomly "I used to fancy you". I just know why he would bother saying it - I have fancied people over my life, but now I am married etc. I don't go round telling them , IMO you tell someone in the hope it will spark off something. Am I waaaay over reacting? He has started to look up practically every female class mate and message them on FB recently, but not really any blokes. Confront/let it go?

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MamaG · 10/02/2008 11:20

Think it would bother me too. I'd tell him it bothered me tbh

There is a bloke on facebook who almost EVERYBODY from my school fancied and who I snogged a few years later but I won't contact him as I think it would be inappropriate

hecate · 10/02/2008 11:21

tell him. Or do the same and leave your facebook page up?

Saturn74 · 10/02/2008 11:22

Don't confront.
Maintain moral high ground (but snigger at him about it on a regular basis).

And hope the person he sent it to just considers him to be a bit of a saddo to be looking up people from years ago and telling them he used to fancy them.

Because I would, wouldn't you?

LadyOfWaffle · 10/02/2008 11:22

Doesn't help she's a slim very attractive brunette and I am a pregnant bloated whale .

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LadyOfWaffle · 10/02/2008 11:23

Well... she didn't reply to his last message and going to her profile she goes on alot I like the idea of doing it back, see his reaction. Probably just being childish though!

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DarrellRivers · 10/02/2008 11:24

Tricky,with me I always feel that is the temptation with FB, but one should not actually do it.
One should think, look at their photos and their friends but step back from the slightly stalkerish yet harmless behaviour in telling ex classmates you fancied them

Overall i think it is a grey area and i think really he is being a little childish , like you say, you wouldn't do it.
If he is telling you he is doing it, probably more harmless and let it go

onebatmother · 10/02/2008 11:29

Hmmm. Time for a chat about boundaries?
I've told someone's wife that I had a crush on her husband when I was 14. Seemed funny at the time (my behaviour with him is NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST bit flirty) but now I'm rethinking and really wish I'd not said it.. Balls.

On another note (and I really hope this cheers you up rather than being annoying) I read FB'd as BF'd..! Which was freaky.

LadyOfWaffle · 10/02/2008 11:33

he didn't tell me, I looked.

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VictorianSqualor · 10/02/2008 11:38

Hmm, dunno, it's a hard one.

I have recently got in contact with a lot of old school frineds on FB too, one of them said to me 'do you remember so-and-so?', and I did, he was a lad that was quite geeky at school and didn't expect anyone to remember him, she then told me she was in a relationship with him now, and apparently when she told him we were back in contact he said he used to fancy me like crazy at school.

So in one way, I think it's just silly joking around, like 'Ohhh, I remember blah blah, in fact I had a huge crush' (kind of like I might say about Edward Furlong in the terminator 3 video!) but if it has made you feel uncomfortable then it's not fair.

I'd not say anything for now, but keep an eye on his fb traffic , it may be just be an innocent one off, or use your hormones as an excuse to get all tearful about how shit you feel and then tell him in that conversation, something along the lines of 'I know it's stupid of me, but I saw a message to so-and-so about how you used to fancy her and she looks all slim and pretty and it made me feel really insecure'.

Depends if you feel you need to mention it to feel ok about it.

VictorianSqualor · 10/02/2008 11:51

Also to add, you say he ahs looked up mroe girls than guys?
Are you absolutely sure that is the case? I looked up probably equal girls to guys and half the guys dont have FB pages, I asked DP and apparently more girls he went to school etc with have added him too, again less of the guys have FB pages, maybe that's what it is with your DH?

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/02/2008 11:58

This happened to me, I got a message from a college friend saying 'I used to fancy you but was always too shy to say anything'.
I looked at his profile and he is married, as am I.

I think it was just a flippant comment, perhaps a strange way of breaking ice or something so didn't really think much about it afterwards.

LadyOfWaffle · 10/02/2008 12:14

Definatly just looked up girls one night - there is mass of about 6 messages one evening to different girls. He's home soon, I'll ask him about it.

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rookiemater · 10/02/2008 14:32

I wouldn't just let it past, I would mention it.

It's not appropriate for your DH to be messaging other women and saying he used to fancy them. Either he has done it because he is slightly clueless or he is dropping bait to see what happens. If he has left his FB open for you to see then it sounds like the former and he needs gently reminding that as his wife you don't appreciate this sort of thing.

helenhismadwife · 10/02/2008 16:06

I think he is being thoughtless rather than anything else, still have a word and tell him its not very nice and how would he feel if you did it

LadyOfWaffle · 10/02/2008 16:23

he didn't leave it open for me to see, infact he recently changed his password

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Flamesparrow · 10/02/2008 16:35

Oddly enough, I am hysterical jealous woman, but FBing someone he doesn't see and will likely never see again and telling them he used to fancy them wouldn't bother me.

I'd be all to find out someone used to fancy me, even if they were hideous (not that your DH is hideous ).

If I ever track down Anthony from English Lit I will probably tell him the same Although he must have known... there is no way he can NOT have noticed

Not that this helps you at all... must learn to stop brain spillage.

(I also read it as bf originally )

oxocube · 10/02/2008 16:40

Flamesparrow, I also read the opening post as BFed

MAMAZON · 10/02/2008 16:43

lol yeap so did i!

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