Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about Mates Rates

51 replies

girlfriend44 · 28/02/2023 16:00

How do you deal with friends and family if you have a trade/skill own a shop etc.
Do people you know well expect stuff done for free/cheap etc.
My uncle was a decorator many years ago. I remember he quoted my parents for a decorating job. They found someone cheaper and it caused awkwardness.

OP posts:
SimplySipping · 28/02/2023 17:52

I don't expect a discount but your parents' position makes me a bit nervous of asking friends to do work.

I've bought a couple of things from an artist local to me, full price, and she has delivered them with a little freebie because she knows me slightly. I liked this very much and hopefully it didn't cost her a lot.

Brokendaughter · 28/02/2023 17:57

You can tell if they are really your 'mate' or not by how much they pay.

If they expect to pay in line with your other customers, they are your mates.

If they expect a discount on your labour while never returning (or able to return) the favour, they are not your mates, just selfish people looking to use you.

BadNomad · 28/02/2023 17:58

I would never provide a service for less, but I might be a bit more flexible with times when it comes to friends and family. As in, I might do work in the evening or at the weekend for f&f. But not if it will cost me.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 28/02/2023 18:02

It's a funny one. We used to have a food business and some family would pop by, have some food and never offered to pay (not all of them just some, some of them actually paid) I never really thought anything of it back then, is now looking back that I think maybe we should have charged as it was our business at the end of the day and how we made a living...

WalkAwaySugarbear · 28/02/2023 18:04

I've never expected Mates Rates and I'm happy to pay the going rate.

Having had some issues with tradespeople cancelling last minute and moving us around/ not giving us a price and receiving the invoice at way more than expected and not quite finishing a job and promising itll get done when he's here, we've decided it's actually easier not to mix friendship/ family and business, as much as I'd like to support them. The professional lines get too blurred.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 28/02/2023 18:10

I’ve a rule that I only do mates rates or free stuff for people who would do the same for me. (Now that doesn’t mean they necessarily do the same, but just that they would if they could.)

Others I don’t because there are just too many CF’ers around

I ran a playscheme and a few parents I got to know paid me to host their children’s parties - keep control of the kids, run the games etc. Amazing how many kids suddenly desperately wanted one of mine, that they barely knew, at their party “and could you just do the pass the parcel while you’re here?” Eh. No.

unclebuck · 28/02/2023 18:11

I am inundated, harassed and I have also realised that many parents have befriended me specifically to ask for this. Horrendous behaviour.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/02/2023 18:11

“I’m sorry, my contract of employment stipulates that I can’t give any advice outside of firm work ..."

A good idea on the face of it, but IME that's when you get "Ooooo no, I don't mean formal advice; I just want you to have a look" - only of course it rarely is just a look Hmm

Whichwhatnow · 28/02/2023 18:16

Chickenly · 28/02/2023 17:25

“I’m sorry, my contract of employment stipulates that I can’t give any advice outside of firm work because it contributes to our pro bono portfolio and all pro bono work needs to be formally approved to avoid biases. Most high street firms offer a free session so I’d recommend calling around.” On repeat.

Show quote history

The annoying thing is the expectation that as a lawyer I know AAAALLLLL of the laws. It's always about housing, or divorce, or child access, or wills, or employment. If they wanted to buy a company or license some IP I might be able to help 😅

I usually just say it's not my specialism and I'm not covered by insurance to assist. Like you I will give very general informal advice (if I can!) to people I actually know and like (not so much vague friends of friends or distant family I never speak to)

Chickenly · 28/02/2023 18:21

Whichwhatnow · 28/02/2023 18:16

The annoying thing is the expectation that as a lawyer I know AAAALLLLL of the laws. It's always about housing, or divorce, or child access, or wills, or employment. If they wanted to buy a company or license some IP I might be able to help 😅

I usually just say it's not my specialism and I'm not covered by insurance to assist. Like you I will give very general informal advice (if I can!) to people I actually know and like (not so much vague friends of friends or distant family I never speak to)

Show quote history

I also find it equally annoying when people think you don’t know about things that aren’t your specialism. For example, I work in construction disputes, so people on here say “you can’t possibly know that this isn’t a valid contract for the purchase of cheese because you don’t work in cheese law”…

MrsToothyBitch · 28/02/2023 18:22

I never ask for something from someone that I wouldn't be prepared to pay full price for. Semi exceptions to this are SiL who is a trained florist and has offered her expertise as our wedding present- we are still paying her, just a lower price on her terms- and a solicitor friend of mine who did my will but advised me to make it during charity month for the best price for me!

LindyLou2020 · 28/02/2023 18:25

I'm a portrait artist. When I was starting out, completely unkown and from scratch, I did freebies for close friends and relatives, (babies, dogs, cats, etc......)
They didn't ask me to - I offered, hoping that people they knew would see the portrait and want one themselves, which is exactly what happened.
Now I work to commission. Last year a close friend's beloved dog died, and she sent me a photo and asked if I could do a painting of the dog, and how much would it be.
I asked her to have a look at my website for the list of prices, (according to size, and medium used), and choose what she wanted. My prices are in the 100's, not 1,000's. And I offered a mates rate of 10% off, as she wasn't in a hurry, and I could fit the work in between other commissions.
She said she didn't realise I charged "that much", and would have to hope for a "windfall". Yet she is well off and had 3 hoidays abroad last year, and it did seem like she wanted a portrait for next to nothing because we were friends. I think she was waiting for me to capitulate, but I kept my mouth shut.
And then I wondered - if she had accepted a mates rate price, where would it end? Would a mate of hers, but not mine, then expect a mates rate, and so on?.............Hmm

unclebuck · 28/02/2023 18:27

Whichwhatnow · 28/02/2023 18:16

The annoying thing is the expectation that as a lawyer I know AAAALLLLL of the laws. It's always about housing, or divorce, or child access, or wills, or employment. If they wanted to buy a company or license some IP I might be able to help 😅

I usually just say it's not my specialism and I'm not covered by insurance to assist. Like you I will give very general informal advice (if I can!) to people I actually know and like (not so much vague friends of friends or distant family I never speak to)

Show quote history

DS is at Uni studying law. 2 terms in my bloody father rung him demanding immediate and through advice on evading a parking ticket! He was furious when DS couldn't help!

Whichwhatnow · 28/02/2023 18:35

My sister (a very talented and established tattoo artist with ten years of experience) was approached by a friend a while ago to design a sleeve. They had a consultation and she gave an estimate of costs based on the size and complexity of the design. Including actually designing it, it would have taken her at least a day and a half. His response was 'oh... I didn't realise I'd have to pay! Can't you use it as practice?'. Erm, no.

If people offer me mates rates I refuse because I value their work.

Whichwhatnow · 28/02/2023 18:38

Chickenly · 28/02/2023 18:21

I also find it equally annoying when people think you don’t know about things that aren’t your specialism. For example, I work in construction disputes, so people on here say “you can’t possibly know that this isn’t a valid contract for the purchase of cheese because you don’t work in cheese law”…

Show quote history

Ha, true. Although I think sometimes that'd be a relief - at least I wouldn't have to make excuses to get out of helping!

butterfliedtwo · 28/02/2023 18:40

taxguru · 28/02/2023 16:19

I don't do mates rates, and recommend my clients don't either. Causes nothing but trouble as the "mates" want the same quality/speed of service and when you don't give it to them (because you're busy with people who aren't too tight to pay), they get uppity about it. I tend to avoid working for friends/family altogether, and will either say I'm too busy or say the kind of work they want is something I don't do.

Yep, this.

Whichwhatnow · 28/02/2023 18:40

Whichwhatnow · 28/02/2023 18:35

My sister (a very talented and established tattoo artist with ten years of experience) was approached by a friend a while ago to design a sleeve. They had a consultation and she gave an estimate of costs based on the size and complexity of the design. Including actually designing it, it would have taken her at least a day and a half. His response was 'oh... I didn't realise I'd have to pay! Can't you use it as practice?'. Erm, no.

If people offer me mates rates I refuse because I value their work.

Sorry I should say she wanted her to actually tattoo the sleeve, not just design it!

butterfliedtwo · 28/02/2023 18:43

If people offer me mates rates I refuse because I value their work.

I'm the same. And acquaintances thinking they don't have to pay piss me off. My friends luckily don't behave like that.

prescribingmum · 28/02/2023 19:02

As couple of others have touched on, I don’t expect special rates/discount when it is a friends business but really appreciate when they squeeze me in sooner when busy. Would also refuse a discount

I do agree with original comment where it can be bit awkward if friend/family member has quoted you for work and then choose to use someone else. That’s a situation I find hard

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 28/02/2023 19:24

As a customer/client I always make it clear that I don’t want mates rates as I’d feel awkward about asking them to do any more work for me.

MargaretThursday · 28/02/2023 19:30

I don't expect mates rates. Perhaps the only exception would be if I was doing an equivalent thing for them, then we might reach a mutual agreement.

However I wouldn't expect them to be upset if I went with someone cheaper-I might tell them I was before I agreed with the other person would be the only thing.
I'd probably even be prepared to pay a little extra because having someone you like and trust in your home is far easier.

WineIsMyMainVice · 28/02/2023 19:34

MRSDoos · 28/02/2023 16:16

Personally I do not think that if you supply a service to friends or family you shouldn’t give them a discount unless you want too and can afford too.

I had a friend of mine who owned a small business do some bits and bobs for me for my wedding day. She offered me a discount as we were friends but she has a young daughter and I knew needed the money - especially with the bills and pretty much everything increasing at the moment. I declined the discount and paid her what her goods were valued for. She was shocked and very grateful and said everyone else expects cheaper rates if they are friends and family.

I think it is better to support a friend or family member by paying full price for their goods rather than expecting it on the cheap.

That’s a really sensible way to look at it and makes you a really nice human - not to mention a lovely friend!
nice one op.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 28/02/2023 19:39

True friends don't ask for discounts as they want to support you and your business.

Anyone else is a cheeky fucker IMO.

TellSomeoneElse · 28/02/2023 19:43

I always think the idea of ‘mates rates’ is really wanky. You’re basically saying that you want to pay them less than you would any other person who did the same job because they’re your mate… but surely out of everyone, you’d want to properly support your friend?! The peace of mind knowing that a true friend will do the very best job they can And will be honest and reliable along the way is surely worth far more than any other option!

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 28/02/2023 19:45

DF was self-employed. When my DB went self-employed, he advised DB to "beware friends and relatives", meaning they are all inclined to want work done cheaply or free, or to be squeezed in when you are already busy.
We always told DB to charge his usual rate when he did work for us, on the basis that we wanted the same quality as he'd deliver for anyone else. Reciprocating was never an option as neither of us did anything useful, lol.
We once approached a friend's DH for professional advice. Normally he would have advised on a product and got some commission. In our case, he came back after a few days saying he couldn't recommend anything for our situation, so he got no commission, and he wouldn't charge us either. We insisted on making a payment to him, on the grounds that he used his professional expertise and research time to reach that conclusion. I was worried he'd think our fee was a joke in terms of value, but we're still friends, and we have since got him other business - we know he's trustworthy.