Husband putting employer before wife

[5oclockclub]

My husband and I are employees at the same small company. It’s a family run business, very small. We’re the only non family members. It’s very successful.

He’s, let’s say, the General Manager and has been there over a decade. I’m the housekeeper and he recommended me for the position. I’ve been here about a year.

I hate it and want to leave. I have had previous office jobs and have been offered a PA position, better pay, less back breaking work.

DH is furious. He says I’m letting him down and putting his job at risk (I’m not). He thinks they are wonderful employers and I see them as employers who are onto a good thing with him as he does so much unpaid work.

I am due to resign and will give my notice and leave. He says this will split us up.

AIBU?? I can’t believe this is happening.

Of course it isn't. Didn't say it was. It started not being normal the minute the OP's husband "got her" the job.

Yes, that's what I imagined from your OP.
You can sort of see why he's become close to them (almost in a sycophantic way) over the years, but he does need to understand that that's him, and his position and not yours.
Good luck.

He is feeling embarrassed and doesn't know how to have the conversation with your employer. He also will be expected to recruit and might be concerned about finding the right person. So anxious. Which can come out as angry or reactionary.

Do you live in ? Will you potentially lose your home because of it ?

He sounds like a dick.
More worried about his "reputation" than your happiness and well-being. If I were you I'd get my resignation in asap and take a few days off before starting the new job so you can take yourself on a lovely mini-break somewhere.

Just make sure you've signed a contract before you quit. In case he really does end your marriage over this.

He's unreasonably angry because he's devoted his life to them and you're not willing to. He's emotionally tied to the idea that he's vitally important to the family. He's set his life up in a way that your actual relationship is intertwined with his devotion to his job/the employer family. You don't share those feelings and it threatens what he feels and he feels it undermines those feelings.

The family should be perfectly understanding if a housekeeper who moves on. That happens. Employees do move. Unless the family believe that you guys are less employees and more servants.

I would not allow any employee of mine to work 7 days a week. If it ever happened, then I'd give time off in lieu. It's not a corporate environment, it's a small set up. The family shouldn't be allowing him to work for them so much. It sounds a very, very unhealthy set up.

Thank you, this is exactly what has happened and you’ve put it down much clearer than I could.

His devotion is quite sad in that when he gets old and is no longer able to do all of the tasks they need from him they’ll just retire him off and get a younger employee.

I can’t get through to him.

He clearly values them above you so I would take the new job and reconsider your relationship. I'm not sure I could recover from this.