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Original poster

Is this a safeguarding issue?

17 replies

Mesopotami · 27/02/2023 19:07

Name changed for this.

Exh and I are divorced due to his alcoholism. He moved away a few years ago which upset our children a lot. He remarried last Summer which seemed to set DS off the rails for a few months last summer.

DS is 14 and had issues last summer included attempted suicide, weed and alcohol. He’s been in therapy since and is doing well. Exh and his wife refused to discuss it with me, with exh blaming me.

DS was almost expelled from the school he has a full scholarship for, for going in stoned. Despite this his school were very supportive.

my eldest DC told me that exh (they’re NC) keeps a jar of weed in his kitchen. His wife is a nurse and safeguarding lead at the hospital she works at. There are three DC in their house ranging from 2 to 11.

After the worst of the incidents last summer SS contacted me and exh. I told them my concerns about DS going to visit when he was vulnerable and there was weed available. They spoke to Ex and said they had no concerns….

it turns out since then DS visited and stole weed and then again the half term just gone stole weed from the kitchen and was stoned every day he was there. I’m furious that ex and his wife have seemingly so little regard for DS.

His school have offered to contact SS, this is a safeguarding issue right? I get it he will experiment but he’s only 14 and after his struggles last summer he is clearly vulnerable around this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 27/02/2023 19:11

my eldest DC told me that exh (they’re NC)

Who is non-contact? When did your son visit his dad and take the drugs?

Arthurflecksfacepaint · 27/02/2023 19:12

What the hell are they thinking having weed in the house and assessable with your ds history?

Absolute madness.

Original poster
Mesopotami · 27/02/2023 19:16

not DS (14) but my older child (17) who is no contact with ex after his lack of support towards DS (14) over the summer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mesopotami · 27/02/2023 19:16

That was a reply to @Shinyandnew1

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 27/02/2023 19:18

I would agree that your Ex and his new DW don’t have your DS’s best interests at heart. If he has already got into trouble at school for being stoned and attempted suicide, they should be putting up a united front with you to support him. I’m not that up on what steps you should take formally to either stop his DF having him at his house or make his DF “Shape up” but I think you should do something. Another concern (if you have the energy to tackle it) is the younger DC who, as I understand it, are from the new relationship.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/02/2023 19:19

Yes, being witness to parental substance misuse and being given access to illegal substances by a parent is a definite safeguarding issue that should be reported imo.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/02/2023 19:22

How do you know about him spending half term stoned? Did he tell you himself?

Original poster
Mesopotami · 27/02/2023 19:24

Thanks all. I don’t want to sound like I’m pearl clutching over weed, if adults do it occasionally with no children around I’m not going to judge. My concern is that DS is a vulnerable child and being exposed to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mesopotami · 27/02/2023 19:24

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/02/2023 19:22

How do you know about him spending half term stoned? Did he tell you himself?

He told his teacher.

OP posts:
CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 27/02/2023 19:25

Yes it’s a concern but highly unlikely to reach any kind of level
where ss would intervene.

Thedogscollar · 27/02/2023 19:30

I'd say yes this is definitely a safeguarding issue. Illegal drugs on display in the kitchen will only send out the wrong messages to your son.

I would not want my son visiting a house in which illegal drugs seem to be not only condoned but on display like a biscuit tin.

His father sounds like a prize fool.
As a nurse and safeguarding lead his step mother also sounds irresponsible and not fit for the position she holds.

Weed is a gateway drug is not good for young developing brains and associated strongly with mental health problems anxiety, depression and psychosis. I'd keep him well away from their home.

Original poster
Mesopotami · 27/02/2023 21:47

I’m not holding out much hope of SS being able to help

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 27/02/2023 21:54

Thedogscollar · 27/02/2023 19:30

I'd say yes this is definitely a safeguarding issue. Illegal drugs on display in the kitchen will only send out the wrong messages to your son.

I would not want my son visiting a house in which illegal drugs seem to be not only condoned but on display like a biscuit tin.

His father sounds like a prize fool.
As a nurse and safeguarding lead his step mother also sounds irresponsible and not fit for the position she holds.

Weed is a gateway drug is not good for young developing brains and associated strongly with mental health problems anxiety, depression and psychosis. I'd keep him well away from their home.

I agree with this.
Weed is a gateway drug for those who are susceptible to addiction.
There is a significant genetic component to addiction and if your ex and his wife had a shred of concern for your DS they would be making every effort to support and protect him, not putting temptation and access to drugs in his way.
Ex's wife is a disgrace to her profession and Ex is a poor excuse for a parent.
They clearly have no care for DS's health, education or future life chances.

ftbquestions · 01/03/2023 20:32

Are you positive it's not oregano or some herb/herbal tea blend?

Original poster
Mesopotami · 01/03/2023 20:35

No definitely weed! He smokes a lot himself.

OP posts:
corbridgemafia · 01/03/2023 20:37

Yes it's a safeguarding issue if a 14 year old is accessing illegal drugs at home or anywhere else.

I work in children's safeguarding in education and I don't understand what you mean about his school "have offered" to report this.

It's not down to you whether they report. It's a mandated requirement.

Also, on that note, has his therapist reported any of these concerns (the suicidality/weed etc) to his GP or any other agency?

YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 01/03/2023 20:56

It is a safeguarding issue that your DS was able to freely access weed, and freely smoke it.

I know that you can now be prescribed weed, so is the jar a prescription, or is it illegal? eIteither way its a safeguarding issue. Not only for your DC's but for their half siblings too.

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