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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told family member that she can't have it all and needs to prioritise her spending.

27 replies

BingoBonus · 27/02/2023 17:09

I've just mentioned in passing to a family member that we have booked a family holiday to Spain in the summer. The family member then proceeded to rant on about how they would love to be able to afford a holiday in Spain as if I was rubbing it in their face.
This family member has a similar household income to me but we have very different approaches to spending, I drive an older car, she drives a fancy new one, she has regular takeaways and eats out often, we treat eating out and takeaways as a rare treat.........you get the picture.
I'm sick of her always complaining she has no money to go on holiday and then trying to make me feel guilty about enjoying mine.
I had enough today and snapped back at her that she could easily afford a nice holiday if she didn't spend so much every week on her daily costa and takeaway deliveries!! I don't moan to her that I can't afford a nice car, I own my spending choices.
I don't care what she spends her money on but don't moan to me about being broke.

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 27/02/2023 17:20

Not unreasonable, there's only so many times you can hear someone's bullshit sob story before you snap!

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/02/2023 17:24

YANBU. What did she say?

gawditswindy · 27/02/2023 17:25

I'm the same, we're going abroad this year (first time in years!) but we've cut bad everywhere to afford it. I do often wonder how some people afford everything - fancy cars, days out to expensive farm parks, eating out AND holidays!

thatheavyperson · 27/02/2023 17:40

Ohhh this reminds me so much of a family member... they think it's soooo unfair that me and my family can afford our own home and do a few nice things and they're stuck living (rent free) with parents.

I'm itching to point out that the reason for this is that they work part time for no other reason than they don't want full-time hours, and they also spend hundreds of pounds a month on absolute tat.

Some people seem to think the world owes them something.

WonderingWanda · 27/02/2023 17:46

Intrigued to know how she took it. I know someone totally irresponsible with money and I get so sick of the 'woe is me' and 'you're so lucky' comments. It's not bloody luck, I work my arse off and go without lots of things to prioritise the things I do have.

CantGetDecentNickname · 27/02/2023 17:50

Don't blame you for snapping. Next time you meet, kindly offer to teach her how to save money by making different choices and to budget since you have similar incomes. Explain that by downgrading her car and spending less on non-essential items (takeaways, takeaway coffees, hair, nails etc.) she could soon save up the money for a holiday and with some price comparisons and shopping around, could get a good deal.

She'll either thank you or not speak to you! Win/win.😁

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/02/2023 17:57

WonderingWanda · 27/02/2023 17:46

Intrigued to know how she took it. I know someone totally irresponsible with money and I get so sick of the 'woe is me' and 'you're so lucky' comments. It's not bloody luck, I work my arse off and go without lots of things to prioritise the things I do have.

You know my brother 😂

soleilblue · 27/02/2023 17:58

How much coffee and takeaway do they buy?

AmandaHoldensLips · 27/02/2023 18:00

It's shocking how many people are financially illiterate. It's not bloody rocket science.

Butchyrestingface · 27/02/2023 18:02

I don't moan to her that I can't afford a nice car, I own my spending choices.

I hope you said that to her too.

But like everyone else, I am curious about her response.

Butchyrestingface · 27/02/2023 18:05

soleilblue · 27/02/2023 17:58

How much coffee and takeaway do they buy?

I imagine daily trips to Costa, and regular takeaways and meals out could easily add up to the price of a holiday.

No criticism of her choices, everyone values different things.

Original poster
BingoBonus · 27/02/2023 18:10

She walked off in a huff!
Before she went I did offer to help her draw up a budget to save for a holiday but judging by her expression I don't think she will be taking me up on my offer.

She has a least one costa a day, and usually two family size chinese / indian / domino's a week. Likes to go out for Sunday lunch a few times a month.

OP posts:
mumda · 27/02/2023 18:20

soleilblue · 27/02/2023 17:58

How much coffee and takeaway do they buy?

As a country the coffee shop industry is worth 5bn to the economy

That's insane.

namechange3394 · 27/02/2023 18:22

BingoBonus · 27/02/2023 18:10

She walked off in a huff!
Before she went I did offer to help her draw up a budget to save for a holiday but judging by her expression I don't think she will be taking me up on my offer.

She has a least one costa a day, and usually two family size chinese / indian / domino's a week. Likes to go out for Sunday lunch a few times a month.

That's easily £40+ a week. She IBU to moan she can't afford a holiday when she's spending over 2 grand (and the rest probably) a year on takeaway food and drinks. YANBU.

mycatsanutter · 27/02/2023 18:24

I know a few people like this , when they have a night out they are straight away ordering a new outfit from a catalogue, think that's because they work they deserve to have their nails /eyebrows /hair done very regularly doesn't matter if they can afford it, they work and that's that ! But they can't save for anything !

CornishTiger · 27/02/2023 18:28

So Costa £18 a week.

Takeaway at least £25? X 2

Roast out assuming 4 people plus drinks is like £60.

I think it’s clear where her money is going.

Pinotwoman82 · 27/02/2023 18:29

This drives me mad, I love holidays absolutely love them and it’s a big priority for us. However we don’t have takeaways, never have coffees out, always take a pack up, have no pets , no meals out apart from Tesco vouchers, I very rarely buy clothes etc etc and it drives me mad when people keep saying oh you are so lucky blah blah when I know for a fact they spend a fortune on all of the above

SeasonFinale · 27/02/2023 18:30

CornishTiger · 27/02/2023 18:28

So Costa £18 a week.

Takeaway at least £25? X 2

Roast out assuming 4 people plus drinks is like £60.

I think it’s clear where her money is going.

and payments for fancy car

WiltingLobelia · 27/02/2023 18:31

Good on you, I say.

IAgreeWithHim · 27/02/2023 18:36

Pinotwoman82 · 27/02/2023 18:29

This drives me mad, I love holidays absolutely love them and it’s a big priority for us. However we don’t have takeaways, never have coffees out, always take a pack up, have no pets , no meals out apart from Tesco vouchers, I very rarely buy clothes etc etc and it drives me mad when people keep saying oh you are so lucky blah blah when I know for a fact they spend a fortune on all of the above

yep all true.

I have just taken on extra work for 6 weeks (evenings and Sat mornings, starting in May) in addition to my full time work because I want to treat the Dcs to a specific holiday at Christmas.

People will see that we have had 3 trips this year- but I deliberately took on extra work in order to pay for something specific.

TheySeeMeRowling · 27/02/2023 18:39

YANBU. I know people like that. They begrudge anyone having something they don’t, but throw away all their money on frivolous consumer goods.

I live well below my means on a duly basis and always get surprised looks when I book expensive holidays.

Always4Brenner · 27/02/2023 18:42

namechange3394 · 27/02/2023 18:22

That's easily £40+ a week. She IBU to moan she can't afford a holiday when she's spending over 2 grand (and the rest probably) a year on takeaway food and drinks. YANBU.

Show quote history

That’s £40 is half my fortnight shop I get delivered I don’t have much but a full freezer of veg and meal portions and ready meals fruit nuts and dried fruit is priceless to me.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 27/02/2023 18:43

Oh yes I know people like this , daily Costa , takeaways daily as in lunch time McDonald’s or greggs which adds up . Complain always skint yes I wonder why .
I nearly always bring my own lunch would never buy a costa unless a treat . I shop around for the best bargains and save for a holiday but you get little digs about oh aren’t you lucky I can’t afford a holiday . I once booked 2 trips in a short time before that not had a holiday for years and one person chuckled have I won the lottery . It was a week in Spain ffs that I’d save hard for .

myusernamewastakenbyme · 27/02/2023 18:43

I know someone like this....cant afford a food shop and yet finds the money to have her hair and nails done.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 27/02/2023 18:43

We all know someone like this unfortunately!
One colleague was moaning how she wishes she could afford euro city trips like me.
Explaining that I prioritised them over nights out and pricey branded clothes, which is just personal choice, because they make me happy didn't go down well. It's fine to prioritise either way, just don't moan you can't afford somethin when you prioritise something else.
My whole outfit costed less than her shoes. And that's fine, if she just wouldn't keep moaning