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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that I shouldn't have to organise my own birthday break?

10 replies

go · 09/02/2008 23:48

DP has been very odd about my forthcoming birthday (40th). he kept suggesting things I should do ie go away with friends, have a party with friends etc, nothing that included him. I told him that what I'd really like was just to go out for a meal with him, (no kids) on my birhtday and that's that. Because I'd got a bit upset about him going on about what I ought to do, he's not mentioned it for the past few weeks. I thought he must have arranged for us to go out for something to eat (it's this tuesday BTW). But no, he says yesterday "we could go away next week if you want." So I have to ring my parents to see if they can have the DCs - he hadn't even asked them if they would babysit on my birthday FFS. So I have to organise parents to look after kids, now he's moaning because I don't know where I want to go. AIBU? I think if he wants us to go away then he shoudl be the one arranging it all. I've spent all night tonight looking up hotels etc, as he is away until Monday. I feel like telling him to stuff it. Isn't it a bit like him giving me the money and saying buy yourself a present? Sorry if I'm rambling, probably hitting the wine a bit too much tonight. think I just feel a bit hurt that he hasn't bothered to arrange anything. I arranged a big surprise party for his 40th, with relatives from abroad etc, and was v skint at the time. It's not the money, but just feel that putting in a bit of effort would be a nice gesture.

OP posts:
stuffitall · 09/02/2008 23:53

NO you're not but don't let it trash your birthday

organise it and enjoy it, and leave the other stuff till later x

stuffitall · 09/02/2008 23:54

ps happy birthday for Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's great being over 40 (true fact)

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/02/2008 23:55

YANBU but if your man isn't an organiser, then he isn't going to organise things for your birthday. Is he used to you organising everything, in which case I'd just get on and do it.

He is a man, and will probably think that just his presence there on your birthday will be sufficient
2 months before my 40th we attended a fab surprise 40th birthday that a male friend of mine organised for his wife.
Two weeks later I said to DP 'any chance of you organising party for my 40th?' at which he went white and muttered about not knowing who to invite.
So I organised the whole party myself, who I wanted, where I wanted, and had a great time.

Wisteria · 09/02/2008 23:55

YANBU - but agree with stuffitall - organise something fabuloso....and make sure you enjoy yourself regardless

go · 10/02/2008 00:03

thanks you lot. he's a good organiser. for my 30th he'd planned hotel with 4-poster bed, whirlpool bath etc. complete suprise. this one - nothing. To make matters worse he's put a star on his wall planner on mon and tues, so stupidly I thought he'd planned something. but he's just suggested taking the kids to the woods on monday, so can't see that means anything. am determined not to plan anything myself. have made it quite clear on many occasions what i'd like (I don't often get much for myself but thought as it was a specail birhtday that I could drop a few hints) and he's not taken any notice. think I'm just upset because he doesn't seem to really notice me any more. I've cried more over this birthday than I've ever done in my life, and bizarrely it's got nothing to do with being 40!! can't wait 'til it's over tbh.

OP posts:
AnnakeyRules · 10/02/2008 00:05

yanbu. To me it shows scant regard to you if he can't be bothered to even organise a babysitter for the night- lazy and inconsiderate. But does he know this? Have you told him that, now you've organised childcare, you would like him to book a nice restaurant for the two of you?
It might give him the impetus he needs to organise a bottle of bubbly and some flowers, too

go · 10/02/2008 00:09

anna - he's away until monday, so unless I organise anything, it's not going to happen. I know I don't help, as I'm scared of flying, which rules out going abroad, but if it had been the other way around, I would have organised childcare and booked the eurostar to paris or something. maybe i shouldn't expect so much.

OP posts:
stuffitall · 11/02/2008 17:55

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR TOMORROW

sdr · 11/02/2008 18:19

Happy Birthday for tomorrow!! Spoke to my SIL yesterday who just turned 40. Had to organise her own party and her DH has told her to go out and buy her present. Promise me, you'll do as little as possible on the big day, take yourself out for morning tea or lunch and make sure it includes a very large slice of cake.

go · 11/02/2008 18:34

HI all and thanks for the good wishes. apparently, he HAS booked a hotel for us tomorrow night.. Have Mum and children for party lunch tomorrow, then we're off. A friend called yesterday with flowers and have a bottle-shaped present waiting to be opened... so things are looking good!

Happy birthday to other MNers who have a birthday tomorrow - I know there's a few of us from a previous thread.

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